This, Stella thought, was why dating was very rarely worth it. In her underwear, she stood in front of her closet, debating, considering, despairing over what to wear.
She didn't even know where she was going. She hated not knowing where she was going. How was she supposed to know what to prepare for?
"Dinner" was not enough information. Was it little-black-dress dinner, or dressy-casual on-sale-designer-suit dinner? Was it jeans and a shirt and jacket dinner, or jeans and a silk blouse dinner?
Added to that, by picking her up at seven, he'd barely left her enough time to change, much less decide what to change into.
Dating. How could something that had been so desired, so exciting and so damn much fun in her teens, so easy and natural in her early twenties, have become such a complicated, often irritating chore in her thirties?
It wasn't just that marriage had spoiled her, or rusted her dating tools. Adult dating was complex and exhausting because the people involved in the stupid date had almost certainly been through at least one serious relationship, and breakup, and carried that extra baggage on their backs. They were already set in their ways, had defined their expectations, and had performed this societal dating ritual so often that they really just wanted to cut to the chase - or go home and watch Letterman.
Add to that a man who dropped the date on your head out of the clear blue, then didn't have the sense to give you some guidelines so you knew how to present yourself, and it was just a complete mess before it started.
Fine, then. Fine. He'd just get what he got.
She was stepping into the little black dress when the connecting bathroom door burst open and Gavin rushed in. "Mom! I finished my homework. Luke didn't, but I did. Can I go down now? Can I?"
She was glad she'd decided on the open-toed slides and no hose, as Parker was currently trying to climb up her leg. "Did you forget something?" she asked Gavin.
"Nuh-uh. I did all the vocabulary words."
"The knocking something?"
"Oh." He smiled, big and innocent. "You look pretty."
"Smooth talker." She bent down to kiss the top of his head. "But when a door's closed, you knock."
"Okay. Can I go down now?"
"In a minute." She walked over to her dresser to put on the silver hoops she'd laid out. "I want you to promise you'll be good for Miss Roz."
"We're going to have cheeseburgers and play video games. She says she can take us in Smackdown, but I don't think so."
"No fighting with your brother." Hope springs, she thought. "Consider this your night off from your mission in life."
"Can I go-down?"
"Get." She gave him a light slap on the rump. "Remember, I'll have my phone if you need me."
When he rushed out, she slipped on her shoes and a thin black sweater. After a check in the mirror, she decided the accessories took the dress into the could-be-casual, could-be-more area she'd been shooting for.
She picked up her bag and, checking the contents as she went, walked into the next bedroom. Luke was sprawled belly-down on the floor - his favored position - frowning miserably over his arithmetic book.
"Trouble, handsome?"
He lifted his head, and his face was aggrieved in the way only a young boy could manage. "I hate homework."
"Me too."
"Gavin did the touchdown dance, with his fingers in the air, 'cause he finished first."
Understanding the demoralization, she sat on the floor beside him. "Let's see what you've got."
"How come I have to know two plus three, anyway?"
"How else would you know how many fingers you have on each hand?"
His brow beetled, then cleared with a delighted smile. "Five!"
With the crisis averted, she helped him with the rest of the problems. "There, all done. That wasn't so bad."
"I still hate homework."
"Maybe, but what about the touchdown dance?"
On a giggle, he leaped up and did his strut around the room.
And all, she thought, was right in her little world once more.
"How come you're not going to eat here? We're having cheeseburgers."
"I'm not entirely sure. You'll behave for Miss Roz?"
"Uh-huh. She's nice. Once she came out in the yard and threw the ball for Parker. And she didn't even mind when it got slobbered. Some girls do. I'm going down now, okay? 'Cause I'm hungry."
"You bet."
Alone, she got to her feet, automatically picking up the scatter of toys and clothes that hadn't made it back onto the shelf or into the closet.
She ran her fingers over some of their treasures. Gavin's beloved comic books, his ball glove. Luke's favorite truck, and the battered bear he wasn't yet ashamed to sleep with.
The prickle between her shoulder blades had her stiffening. Even under the light sweater her arms broke out in gooseflesh. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shape - a reflection, a shadow - in the mirror over the bureau.
When she spun, Hayley swung around the door and into the room.
"Logan's just pulling up in front of the house," she began, then stopped. "You okay? You look all pale."
"Fine. I'm fine." But she pushed a not-quite-steady hand at her hair. "I just thought... nothing. Nothing. Besides pale, how do I look?" And she made herself turn to the mirror again. Saw only herself, with Hayley moving toward her.
"Two thumbs up. I just love your hair."
"Easy to say when you don't wake up with it every morning. I thought about putting it up, but it seemed too formal."
"It's just right." Hayley edged closer, tipping her head toward Stella's. "I did the redhead thing once. Major disaster. Made my skin look yellow."
"That deep, dense brown's what's striking on you." And look at that face, Stella thought with a tiny twist of envy. Not a line on it.
"Yeah, but the red's so now. Anyway, I'm going to go on down. I'll keep Logan busy until. You wait just a few more minutes before you head down, then we'll all be back in the kitchen. Big burger feast."
She didn't intend to make an entrance, for heaven's sake. But Hayley had already gone off, and she did want to check her lipstick. And settle herself down.
At least her nerves over this date - it was a date this time - had taken a backseat to others. It hadn't been Hayley's reflection in the mirror. Even that quick glimpse had shown her the woman who'd stood there had blond hair.
Steadier, she walked out, started down the hall. From the top of the steps, she heard Hayley laugh.
"She'll be right down. I guess you know how to make yourself at home. I'm going on back to the kitchen with the rest of the gang. Let Stella know I'll say bye from her to everyone. Y'all have fun."
Was the girl psychic? Stella wondered. Hayley had timed her exit so adroitly that as she walked down the hall, Stella hit the halfway point on the steps.
And Logan's attention shifted upward.
Good black trousers, she noted. Nice blue shirt, no tie, but with a casual sport coat over it. And still he didn't look quite tame.
"Nice," he said.
"Thanks. You, too."
"Hayley said she'd tell everyone you were leaving. You ready?"
"Sure."
She stepped out with him, then studied the black Mustang. "You own a car."
"This is not merely a car, and to call it such is very female."
"And to say that is very sexist. Okay, if it's not a car, what is it?"
"It's a machine."
"I stand corrected. You never said where we were going."
He opened her door. "Let's find out."
* * *
He drove into the city, with music she didn't recognize on low. She knew it was blues - or supposed it was, but she didn't know anything about that area of music. Mentioning that, casually, not only seemed to shock him but kept conversation going through the trip.
She got a nutshell education on artists like John Lee Hooker and Muddy Waters, B. B. King and Taj Mahal.
And it occurred to her after they'd crossed into the city, that conversation between them never seemed to be a problem. After he parked, he shifted to take a long look at her. "You sure you were born down here?"
"It says so on my birth certificate."
He shook his head and climbed out. "Since you're that ignorant of the blues, you better check it again."
He took her inside a restaurant where the tables were already crowded with patrons and the noise level high with chatter. Once they were seated, he waved the waiter away. "Why don't we just wait on drinks until you know what you want to eat. We'll get a bottle of wine to go with it."
"All right." Since it seemed he'd nixed the pre-dinner conversation, she opened her menu.
"They're known for their catfish here. Ever had it?" he asked.
She lifted her gaze over the top of her menu, met his. "No. And whether or not that makes me a Yankee, I'm thinking I'll go for the chicken."
"Okay. You can have some of mine to give you a sample of what you've been missing. There's a good California Chardonnay on their wine list that'll go with both the fish and the bird. It's got a nice finish."
She set her menu down, leaned forward. "Do you really know that, or are you just making it up?"
"I like wine. I make it a point to know what I like."
She sat back when he motioned the waiter over. Once they'd ordered, she angled her head. "What are we doing here, Logan?"
"Speaking for myself, I'm going to have a really fine catfish dinner and a glass of good wine."
"We've had some conversations, mostly business-oriented."
"We've had some conversations, and some arguments," he corrected.
"True. We had an outing, an enjoyable one, which ended on a surprisingly personal note."
"I do like listening to you talk sometimes, Red. It's almost like listening to a foreign language. Are you laying all those things down like pavers, trying to make some sort of path from one point to the next?"
"Maybe. The fact is, I'm sitting here with you, on a date. That wasn't my intention twenty-four hours ago. We've got a working relationship."
"Uh-huh. And speaking of that, I still find your system mostly annoying."
"Big surprise. And speaking of that, you neglected to put that invoice on my desk this afternoon."
"Did I?" He moved a shoulder. "I've got it somewhere."
"My point is - "
She broke off when the waiter brought the wine to the table, turned the label toward Logan.
"That's the one. Let the lady taste it."
She bided her time, then picked up the glass holding the testing sip. She sampled, lifted her eyebrows. "It's very good ... has a nice finish."
Logan grinned. "Then let's get started on it."
"The point I was trying to make," she began again, "is that while it's smart and beneficial all around for you and me to develop a friendly relationship, it's probably not either for us to take it to any other level."
"Uh-huh." He sampled the wine himself, kept watching her with those big-cat eyes. "You think I'm not going to kiss you again because it might not be smart or beneficial?"
"I'm in a new place, with a new job. I've taken my kids to a new place. They're first with me."
"I expect they would be. But I don't expect this is your first dinner with a man since you lost your husband."
"I'm careful."
"I never would've guessed. How'd he die?"
"Plane crash. Commuter plane. He was on his way back from a business trip. I had the TV on, and there was a bulletin. They didn't give any names, but I knew it was Kevin's plane. I knew he was gone before they came to tell me."
"You know what you were wearing when you heard the bulletin, what you were doing, where you were standing." His voice was quiet, his eyes were direct. "You know every detail about that day."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because it was the worst day of your life. You'll be hazy on the day before, the day after, but you'll never forget a single detail of that day."
"You're right." And his intuition surprised her, touched her. "Have you lost someone?"
"No, not like what you mean, or how you mean. But a woman like you? She doesn't get married, stay married, unless the man's at the center of her life. Something yanks that center out of you, you never forget."
"No, I won't." It was carved into her heart. "That's the most insightful and accurate, and comforting expression of sympathy anyone's given me. I hope I don't insult you by saying it comes as a surprise."
"I don't insult that easy. You lost their father, but you've built a life - looks like a good one - for your kids. That takes work. You're not the first woman I've been interested in who's had children. I respect motherhood, and its priorities. Doesn't stop me from looking across this table and wondering when I'm going to get you naked."
She opened her mouth, closed it again. Cleared her throat, sipped wine. "Well. Blunt."
"Different sort of woman, I'd just go for the mattress." At her strangled half laugh, he lifted his wine. And waited while their first course was served. "But as it is, you're a... since we're having this nice meal together I'll say you're a cautious sort of woman."
"You wanted to say tight-ass."
He grinned, appreciating her. "You'll never know. Added to that, we both work for Roz, and I wouldn't do anything to mess her up. Not intentionally. You've got two kids to worry about. And I don't know how tender you might be yet over losing your husband. So instead of my hauling you off to bed, we're having dinner conversation."
She took a minute to think it through. At the root, she couldn't find anything wrong with his logic. In fact, she agreed with it. "All right. First Roz. I won't do anything to mess her up either. So whatever happens here, we agree to maintain a courteous working relationship."
"Might not always be courteous, but it'll be about the work."
"Fair enough. My boys are my priority, first and last. Not only because they have to be," she added, "but because I want them to be. Nothing will change that."
"Anything did, I wouldn't have much respect for you."