It's complicated enough to give me a headache.
Lost in thought, I walk hand in hand with him towards the edge of the foothills.
We walk for hours in the cool weather, and my eyes drift between the gorgeous scenery and the swirl of fog originating from the direction of his castle. It resembles the sky above Mordor in the Lord of the Rings movies: slow swirling clouds of dark gray block out the blue, the center of the curse and the eye of the fogs of Black Moon Draw the castle itself.
I'm afraid to know what's there and certain I'm going to find out.
After several hours, I'm hungry, and we haven't spoken at all since I tripped. It was morning when we started. Time is hard to tell when the skies are covered with gray all day, but I think it's close to four or five o'clock.
The overbearing brute of a man who never leaves a soul standing on the battlefield has been quiet and calm the entire day, holding my hand and walking with me through the beautiful lands of his like we're headed to the chapel and not to battle. I don't get his calm, unless he's happy to be home.
In contrast, my head is a mess, torn between wanting more from him and hating myself for even considering it. I'm too good to take advantage of the situation, though I suspect he won't be the one to back out if I wanted more than hand holding. I can't get the idea he thinks I'm a coward out of my head either. He's held a mirror to me today and I'm embarrassed by what I see in my reflection: someone so afraid of failure and being judged, she never tried to follow any dream.
I'm changing that. Little by little. For the first time in my life, I'm occasionally standing up for myself, even if it's only with the Shadow Knight, and taking chances. I've been in mortal danger, went to battle, and rode a horse . . .
I'm doing it. I'm becoming someone even I can respect. The mushroom part of me panics every once in a while, wanting to disappear into the shadows and run away to my safe apartment. While I have a long way to go, I'm starting to think that the occasional adventure, preferably one that doesn't involve war or a curse, might be good for me.
With a sidelong look at the Shadow Knight, I reluctantly acknowledge another nagging instinct, one that's harder to accept. My experiences with him and this world have been rattling around my head all day. I've been mustering up the courage for an hour or so to utter words I never thought I'd say to the man beside me.