Jude made a hot, tormented sound deep in his throat. "If only I could forgive myself. I keep asking myself why Calvin did it."He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "I want to know why, because in my mind, there has to be a logical explanation, when in reality, there is nothing logical about the mind of a cold-blooded killer."
"Calvin resented Lauren because she got into Stanford and he didn't. He spent his whole life being led to believe by his dad that girls are somehow inferior, and it killed him to think that someone under him had achieved more." As I said it, it hit me how flimsy a reason it really was. It made Calvin's violence that much more senseless.
Jude stared at me. "He killed her because she got into a school she didn't even want to attend?" He shook his head in a disgusted and pained manner. "That's why he took her Cardinals hat?"
"What do you mean?"
"The Cardinals ball cap Calvin gave you. It was Lauren's. The yellow splatter on top-not mustard but paint. I was with her when it happened. We painted her bedroom yellow together. Yellow with black stripes,” Jude said in a measured tone, but I saw the anguish in his eyes. "Calvin took the hat as a symbol that he'd triumphed over her and taken back what was rightfully his."
The hat wasn't even Calvin's. I'd spent the past year holding on to it, clinging to it, because I wasn't ready to let go of us. I'd thought the hat was his, and I needed to feel him close. But I'd been holding on to something that wasn't real. It hurt, but in a strange way, it also made it easier to let go of him for good.
Suddenly Jude turned his face toward the sky. "Do you hear that?"
I strained my ears, picking up the distant drone of a motor. It was coming this way.
"What is it?"
"A helicopter."
"The police?" I breathed, not wanting to hope too soon.
"I don't know." He faced me. "Someone could have found your abandoned car and called it in. They could be looking for you and Korbie." He paused. "But I find it hard to believe they'd send a chopper up after dark and in this weather."
"It's them."I told myself it had to be. I couldn't bear the thought of it not being someone coming to help us. I buried my face in Jude's shoulder. "It's the police. Or search and rescue. They're going to find us. We're going to be okay."
I sensed his wariness in the rigid, uncertain way he held himself. At last he stroked my hair soothingly, but his voice was heavy with doubt. "Even if we see their spotlight, we can't run into the open and flag them down. I don't know if Calvin will shoot at us with witnesses looking on, but I don't want to take any risks. Until we've got Calvin, we stay hidden in the trees, understood?"
We paced through the deep snow, weaving through the trees, making a wide path around the back of Idlewilde. Even though Jude limped only a stride ahead, I felt alone. The forest was dismally black. Anything could be lurking out of sight. I felt the eyes of the trees on me. Was Calvin watching us?
Suddenly I heard the soft crunch of footsteps behind me. I whirled around just as Calvin sprang lithely through the snow, running in a crouch at me.
"Jude!" I cried out.
Jude whipped around, aiming the gun at Calvin. Calvin stopped in his tracks, leveling his own gun at me. We stood at a standstill.
"If you shoot me, I'll shoot her,” Calvin told Jude.
"You can hear the helicopter overhead,” Jude said. "It's a police chopper. It's over, Calvin. They found the map. They're coming for you. You're going down."
"That's a surveillance chopper,” Calvin said dismissively. "Probably search and rescue. Someone must have found Britt's car in the road and called it in. They can't see us down here. Nice try, but I'm not scared."
"You're scared all right,” Jude said. "Not of being apprehended, but of never measuring up. You're scared of failure. It's why you pick the targets you do. What kind of man gets off controlling defenseless girls? I'll tell you: no man. Is it frustrating to realize you're not a real man, Cal?"
I drew a sharp breath. Was he trying to set Calvin off?
"It's going to feel good to kill you,” Calvin said through gritted teeth.
"Sure it will,” Jude replied in that same unworried voice. "I'm wounded, and that's what you like, isn't it? An easy target."
A slow, scheming smile spread over Calvin's features. "I took my time with them, especially Lauren. Every kick, every squirm, every flash of panic in her eyes-I drew all these out, feeling invincible with all that control and power,” he went on, knowing how to unnerve and rattle Jude best. "I only wish I could have heard her screams, but I tied the rope around her neck so tightly, not a single noise came-"
Jude's eyes burned black fire, and then everything happened quickly.
Jude lunged at Calvin, attacking his gun hand. He seized control of Cal's wrist and chop-blocked the gun away. He finished his assault with a brutal thrust to Cal's face, sending him faltering backward, howling and clutching his nose.
"You broke my nose!" Calvin swore viciously.
Jude picked up Calvin's gun and aimed it at him. "Count yourself lucky. There are two hundred and five other bones in your body that I'd like to break. Hands on your head."
Face blanching, Calvin uttered a shaky laugh. "You wouldn't shoot me. Britt, you won't let him do it. I know you."
"Don't talk to her,” Jude snapped. "You don't deserve to talk to her. You're a worthless bastard who never deserved to live."
Calvin seemed to absorb this, blinking over and over. He shook his head, his eyes empty and unfocused. "You're not the first person to tell me that."
"How did you find the girls?" Jude asked harshly. "You must have researched them somehow."
"Calvin worked with Macie as a rafting guide,” I said. "He must have killed her when he learned she was going to Georgetown in the fall. And Kimani went to Pocatello High, our rival high school. He knew she was expected to go to Julliard. Everyone in town knew."
"My dad will kill me,” Calvin said, speaking in a cloud of disbelief. "I can't believe the old man won."
Whatever he said next was swallowed up by the roaring whump-whump of the helicopter blades. The sound grew so loud, I thought the helicopter must be passing directly overhead. I didn't care what Jude said; if a spotlight came anywhere near me, I would run into the open and alert the pilot to our position.
Calvin tipped his head toward the black dome of sky overhead. His expression shifted from disbelief to understanding. A shadow of defeat crossed his face, a helpless, gloomy, almost boyish look.