“That’s not fair.” She rubbed her temples.
“Haven’t you ever made a mistake, Mom? Because that whole math-major thing tells me that you were pregnant at my age, right? Did you bounce back from that? No. How do I know that? The only memory I have of my father is his back as he walked away. My already-married father. Right?”
Her mouth hung open long enough for me to suck in my breath reflexively. Shit. It had been four years since I’d thrown that out there, the same length of time as the affair that had decimated my family, but only wounded his marriage. “Mom. I’m so sorry. I never meant… I’m so sorry. I know what you did for me, what you’ve been through for me.” How could I judge her? After what I’d done? Taboo relationships. Guess the apple didn’t fall far from that tree, eh?
She closed her mouth slowly, taking a deep breath. “I’ve done everything I can to make up for you not having him in your life.”
“I know. He already had a family and didn’t want me, or you, and it’s his loss. I just… Mom, I need you to remember what it was like to be my age and maybe cut me a little slack. I’m underwater. I know that. You know that. So you can ease up on me until I start treading water, or you can drown me.”
Silence dominated as we stared back at each other, six thousand miles apart in more than distance. Finally, her shoulders dropped a fraction.
“I love you, baby. I know I’m hard on you. I’m just stuck here, and I can command this entire brigade, but I can’t seem to keep a grip on my own daughter. You’re slipping away so quickly. As soon as I get home, I want you to move back in with me. We’ll figure this mess out together. Just another month.”
I shook my head. “No, Mom. Then I’d be dependent on you instead of these guys. I have to do this on my own, and you have to let me. Please. I have a plan, just…have a little faith in me. I’ll find a way to get back into Colorado.” I couldn’t do it—move home like I needed to lick my wounds.
“You’re at least coming up to see me, right?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
She sighed. “Okay. We’re getting busy here tearing down, so it will be a few days before I can get some time. Just…try to stay out of trouble, okay?”
“So don’t apply for jobs at strip clubs?”
Her eyes flew wide. “Don’t even joke about that, Samantha.”
Thank you, Grayson.
We hung up, and I scurried through my closet, discarding the wrong outfits into a pile on my bed. I wanted…yes! I slid into my favorite pair of shorts, the ones that hugged my ass and made my legs look longer. I paired them with a black tank top and a light green button-down.
I checked my phone. Four fifteen p.m. I had to hurry or I was going to be late.
I skipped down the steps, waving at the guys, including Will, who were camped out on the sofa watching baseball and enjoying the last day of their long weekend for Memorial Day. Grayson will be home tonight!
A rush ran through me, singing in my veins and making my skin tingle. Down girl, he said friends. Maybe he was up for the whole friends-with-benefits thing? Because the more time I spent around him, the harder it was not to crawl up his body and attack his face with mine. I bet he’s strong enough that we could actually have sex while standing. No wall. Nada. Just him and me and those arms…
“Earth to Sam!” Josh called out.
“Yeah?” I asked, snagging my keys off the hall table. Holy shit, I needed to get laid. Wait, that’s right. I didn’t have sex anymore. That’s what got me here.
“Are you headed to work? We were thinking about dinner and didn’t know if you wanted to order from Mellow Mushroom.”
“Pizza? Again? What do you guys usually do when Grayson isn’t here?” I located my purse in the hall closet.
“It’s Tuesday. We order pizza. Same as Saturday,” Jagger answered.
“And Thursday,” Josh added.
“I miss living with Ember,” I muttered, but Josh heard me and grinned. “Order whatever you want. I’ll grab something on the way home. I have to run an errand before work, so I’ll catch you later?”
They waved me off, and I ran out the door. “Fuck!” I shrieked as my black leather seats scalded the backs of my thighs. Could it be any hotter? I checked the dash. Ninety-seven degrees. In May. What the hell was July going to look like? I rolled down all the windows and blasted the air conditioner.
My heart pounded for the ten minutes it took me to drive past Walmart and pull into the parking lot. It kept pounding the other five minutes it took me to get the courage up to actually get out of the car, and didn’t stop when I opened the doors to the admissions office at Enterprise State Community College.
“Welcome, may I help you?” a young brunette drawled sweetly.
“I have an appointment with Mrs. Traper?” My fingers flexed on my purse. I should have filled out the application online and left it at that. At least rejection didn’t actually laugh in my face.
Suck up the bitter taste of accountability. Grayson’s voice rang in my ears, and I raised my chin. I could do this.
“Yes, ma’am,” the girl answered, pointing down the small hallway. “She’s waiting for you, second door on the left.”
“Thank you,” I replied, and then walked the plank toward her office.
“Come in,” Mrs. Traper called to me as I peeked inside her office. She looked mid-forties, with short blond hair and a kind smile. She stood and shook my clammy hand, motioning to the seat in front of her. “What can I do for you, Ms. Fitzgerald?”