“It sucks,” I said. She tilted her head to look at me. “The way everything went down with your sister, that sucks. But you tried to help her, tried to save her, and that’s what you should focus on.”
She made a noise low in her throat and shoved up off the couch. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at me with eyes that went flinty hard. “It wasn’t enough. What time do you want to head out tomorrow?”
The quick change in conversation forced me to switch gears. “I have to work in the morning, so when I get back.”
“Are you actually going to come back after your shift tomorrow?”
So my avoidance tactics hadn’t gone unnoticed. “Yes. I’ll try and be here before five. You really do need some clothes that fit.” Brysen had run a few things up after we had been camped out for a couple days and they fit slightly better, but no girl alive seemed to have those ridiculously long legs or the same kind of curves Reeve was working with up top. Brysen’s stuff covered her up more than my teenaged neighbor’s, but not enough that I didn’t get an eyeful every time I looked at her.
She linked her fingers together and lifted her arms up over her head in a way that pulled the hem of her tank top up over the indent of her belly button and lifted the edge of her tiny shorts so high I didn’t have to use much imagination to envision what all the secret, soft parts of her looked like. Like I needed any more incentive to keep thinking about her and sex when my mind and attention should be anywhere else.
“I can cover it all up, it’s not going to change the fact that you want me and are angry about it.”
She twirled on her foot and flounced back up the stairs. If there had been a single door in the loft I knew she would have slammed it to make her point.
She was right. I did want her. I had wanted her from the second she came into my precinct and admitted to me that she had solicited Novak for murder. I wanted her when she tearfully told me about her part in Dovie’s abduction. I wanted her when the marshals had whisked her away and I never thought I would see her again. And yes, I wanted her now in the middle of this charade that had life and death woven into the fabric of it. I wasn’t angry that I wanted her, lusted after her. She was beautiful, slick, and all kinds of street-smart. She looked at me like she understood what made me tick and didn’t care that I acted like it was me against the entire city most of the time. I was fighting a losing battle every single day and that essentially made me a loser, but she didn’t seem to see that. There were a lot of reasons to want her, to find her attractive and ultimately irresistible.
There was more than one major reason that every time my blood kicked in response to her, guilt and shame roared to life inside of me. Of course I had an issue with the fact that she was an admitted criminal. She was one of the people I was trying to protect the city from. No matter her intentions, no matter if she was trying to use one bad guy to get rid of another bad guy, she hadn’t done it by legal means. But there was also the fact that the monsters of my past, my burden of beasts that I kept buried so deep and dark inside of me that I tended to forget they were there, woke up and started to scream when she was near. There was no more ignoring them and the way they strained against the skin of the man I tried so hard to be.
Being infatuated with a woman that had a history of taking the law into her own hands would be my absolute undoing, and if I couldn’t keep those feelings in a box there was going to be nothing left of me. I would have nothing left to stand against my inner animal, and it would chew me alive from the inside out and I would be just like the rest of the people lost and alone, just waiting for the city to claim them. I couldn’t let that happen.
I wasn’t angry that I wanted her, I was terrified that I did.
I lay back down on the couch and took one of the decorative pillows and smashed it over my face so I could shout every dirty word I could think of into it. It was already a long night and now it was going to seem endless.
“YOU AREN’T GOING TO try any of that on?” I hated shopping. Hated it. Most men I knew just considered it a necessary evil when they had a woman in their life they needed to keep happy. I only went shopping for myself when I ran out of underwear or needed new shoes and stuff for work. Most of the jeans and T-shirts I wore I had had since the police academy back in the day and that worked just fine for me. Reeve was an anomaly. She seemed to dislike the act just as much as I did.
There wasn’t anything close to a mall in the Point, in fact most retailers had pulled up stakes years ago after one too many armed robberies. So we had driven to the outlet shops that were on the outskirts of the city. I braced for hours of torture. Much to my surprise she blazed through the stores like she was on a mission to get in and out as quickly as possible. Her eyes kept darting around like she was expecting someone to jump out of the clothing racks and grab her, and as a result she had an armful of clothing she was marching toward the checkout counter with without having tried a stitch of it on.
She looked at me over her shoulder as the salesclerk started zapping the tags on everything.
“I know what size I wear and I didn’t get anything too fancy. Just some jeans and shirts and a couple of skirts that are too short so that anyone looking at us will know why you can’t resist me.”
I grunted at her and handed over my credit card as the clerk rattled off the total. Reeve thanked us both and then told me she was going to change really quickly after grabbing a pair of the new jeans and darting back toward the dressing rooms. I took the bags the clerk handed over and headed out to the front of the store to wait for her. I scanned the parking lot and kept my eyes on the people milling about while I waited for Reeve to appear.
My phone rang and I hit ignore when I saw my brother’s name flash across the screen. I had been doing a bang-up job of ignoring Bax for the last few weeks. He knew I was shacking up with Reeve at Race’s place, but I had yet to explain to him why. I was surprised he hadn’t stormed the castle yet, demanding answers, but he had changed a lot since Dovie entered the picture. He was a lot less reactive than he had been before.
“Jesus.” I jolted involuntarily when a light hand landed on my lower back as I slipped my phone back in my pocket and looked down at Reeve. She shouldn’t have been able to get so close to me without my noticing it. It made my spine snap straight and my hands tighten on the bags I held.
She lifted up on the tips of her toes and brushed her lips across my check. I knew it was all for show but the simple and sweet gesture made my back teeth click together.