‘I could have averted all this had I been genuine when Roopa wanted my opinion about Sathyam,’ she thought going to the roots of her friend’s ailment. ‘Well, how I lectured her to opt for the match, though I myself wasn’t impressed with Sathyam? How cruel that I placed the proverbial last straw on her emotionally unstable back then, though unwittingly. Unable to match her mood with the reality of her life, how she has been suffering in silence ever since? That is while I’m on cloud nine. How mean of me. If only I had been frank with her then, I wouldn’t have tilted the scales of her doubt with my immature ranting. Didn’t I insensibly impose this marital burden on her, forever? But the poor thing never blamed me for that, and instead bore it all resignedly! Moreover, when I got the man of men as my man, didn’t Roopa rejoice at my fortune without a tinge of jealously? She doesn’t deserve to suffer, the poor thing. Didn’t Raja sum it up it all so well, when he said that she would suffer even more for the nobility of her soul? Oh, God, how can I alleviate her suffering?’

Overcome with worry, she pictured the future, ‘If we move over to Hyderabad, I can be near her, but how that would help her? Finding me joyous, won’t she suffer even more for her deprivation? Caught between the joy for my fulfillment and the burden of her want, won’t she be worse off for that? But if we stay put in Delhi, Roopa would have to fend for herself when she needs me the most. What a classic Catch 22 to contend with!’

As the prospect of Roopa falling in love with Raja Rao in the eventuality of their shifting to Hyderabad dawned on her, she tried to visualize its affect on them all.

‘Roopa could be caught in a cleft of love and loyalty, leave alone fidelity,’ surmised Sandhya. ‘In that case, instead of bringing succor to her, won’t we compound her misery? If Raja too falls for her, won’t the lovers suffer for my sake, as they both love me? After all, which man can remain indifferent to her charms for long? Of course, a romantic like him is bound to rave about her. Isn’t he concerned about her already? As their infatuation would keep them morose, won’t my own mood turn sour?’

‘What’s the way out?’ she raked her brains. ‘Were I to leave her to her fate, and God forbid, were she to go astray, then I would never be able to forgive myself. My guilt-filled conscience would ensure that for sure. Won’t I feel miserable seeing her in the dumps? How can I afford to leave her alone? Come what may, I shall protect her, whatever it might take. Above all, we must shift first. Let life take its own course thereafter.’




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