‘Just leaving.’ I cut her off and pushed past her hurriedly, ignoring her calling my name in concern as I slammed out of the apartment and raced for the stairs. I heard the door opening behind me, but I just kept moving, desperate to get somewhere quiet where I could brood and rail and curse Nate Sawyer to hell.
‘Olivia!’
Oh, God.
‘Olivia, stop,’ Nate growled behind me. Close. Too close.
His hand clamped around my arm and I found myself hauled to a stop and turned about to face him.
He stood, a few steps up from me, breathing heavily, his expression panicked. ‘Liv, don’t go.’
I wrenched my arm out of his grip, and immediately felt the phantom of his fingers wrapped around it. ‘Go back inside, Nate.’ My expression was pure disdain. ‘I should have known nothing would keep you down for long.’
To my surprise, his eyes hardened with what I would almost call indignation.
What the hell did he have to be indignant about?
‘Pot calling kettle,’ he bit out, taking a step down, bringing him closer to me. ‘I heard you got your library boy.’ He raked his eyes over me. ‘I assume you fucked him well and he’s enjoying the benefits of my lessons.’
A punch to the gut would have been just as effective. And probably would have hurt a whole lot less.
He flinched at my expression and ran a hand through his too long hair, his fingers turning into a fist. ‘Shit, Liv, I’m sorry,’ he whispered hoarsely. ‘I didn’t mean that.’
I turned to leave and promptly found myself caught in his hold again. ‘Let me go,’ I hissed.
Instead he pulled me toward him. The familiar smell and feel of him made me ache. ‘Just tell me you’re okay.’
I relaxed, in the hope that it would make him release me. ‘I’m fine,’ I answered quietly. ‘Go back to your girl, Nate.’
Nate’s grip tightened. ‘She’s not my girl.’
I shook my head. ‘I wasn’t talking about the redhead. I was talking about the ghost tattooed across your heart.’
My words loosened his grip.
Lowering my lashes so I didn’t have to see the haunted expression on his face, I turned and descended the stairs, back out of his life.
24
Seeing Nate again was like straining a recent injury. When I left him I had to start packing ice on it again.
That’s why when Ben called the next week while I was having dinner with Dad and Dee, I was glad of the distraction.
‘I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m going to selfishly pretend that’s not true in order to ask a massive favor.’
Amused, I leaned my elbow on my dad’s counter and relaxed into the conversation. ‘What kind of favor?’
‘My sister has somehow managed to rope me into babysitting my niece, Zoe, on Saturday. Now I love my niece, but she’s eight years old, a total girly girl, and when I asked her what she wanted to do, she replied that she wanted me to take her to see some Disney pop princess musical movie at the cinema. Zoe is used to getting what she wants, so this is going to happen. I was hoping you’d do me a favor by coming with me so I don’t appear to be some creepy guy at a Disney movie, but –’
‘One-half of parental obligation?’
‘Exactly.’
I laughed. ‘It sounds like you’ll be owing me majorly.’
‘So you’ll come with us?’
‘Sure. As a favor. Not a date.’
‘Not a date. I completely agree. Nothing kills romance more than a teenybopper musical.’
After a minute of confirming details of when and where, I hung up. My dad stared at me curiously.
‘What?’
‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’
‘We’re just friends,’ I assured him.
‘I’ve heard that before.’
‘Mick,’ Dee admonished, scowling at him on my behalf.
Dad grimaced. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart, but it’s the look on your face right now that tells me that going on a date with some other man is not a good idea. And you know’ – he pushed his fork around on his plate as he avoided my eyes – ‘Jo told me Nate is not doing well at all. She says he looks like hell. And apparently he’s been trying to contact you.’
My eyes narrowed. ‘I thought you didn’t like Nate.’
‘I didn’t. Until you told me all those things about him.’
‘Dad –’
‘He was very young when he lost that girl,’ Dad interrupted, pushing his plate away and leaning toward me conspiratorially. ‘I can’t imagine how difficult it is to go through the loss of a woman you love at such a young age. But I can understand how it might paralyze you. Nate never got a chance to experience enough of life to learn how to put loss into perspective. Or the fear of loss even. He might just need time.’
Not surprised by my dad’s understanding and empathy, I placed my hand over his, my heart hurting. ‘Dad, even if Nate turned around tomorrow and told me that he wanted to give us a chance … I’d say no.’
‘I thought you loved him.’
‘I do. I’m very much in love with him. But he won’t ever allow himself to love me the way he loved Alana. She was his big love. I want to be someone’s big love, Dad. I think I deserve to have the man I love love me back just as much.’
Saturday afternoon I met Ben and his adorable niece outside the Omni Centre. Zoe was a bundle of excited energy and Ben looked more than a little relieved to see me. He had this permanent crease in his forehead, which I would soon learn had come from listening to Zoe talk on and on about her painful decision to demote a certain world-famous boy band to the status of her second-favorite band, in favor of this new, cooler band that had just hit the charts.