I knew when Raegan realized we had met our unwelcome destination because her body slipped in behind mine. I couldn’t even begin to image what this would do to her. After seeing her break down on the balcony at the hotel this morning, I realized that while she appeared strong, she still had her own demons. I couldn’t make them stay here a minute more than necessary.
“We’ll sleep here until we figure out the next step. It won’t be long,” I whispered to Raegan.
“I have cash now; I can pay for a hotel,” Raegan said with a faint voice.
“You only have four hundred dollars, Rae. I won’t let you spend that. I can afford a hotel, but let’s just try this out first. If it’s awful for any of us, I promise we’ll leave.”
“Braden and I could go…” she began. She must have realized where her line of thinking had been going because she abruptly cut herself off.
“Do you want us to separate?” I asked.
“No!” Kate and Braden immediately shouted up at the both of us. They were holding hands tightly and I scolded myself for having this conversation in front of them.
“I’m sorry, guys. I didn’t mean that,” Raegan soothed. She squatted down and kissed each of them on the cheek. For a moment, I almost wanted to ask her for one as well—less on my cheek and more toward my mouth though. Just to soothe my nerves, of course.
I walked up the steps toward the outside vestibule door and unlocked it. Then I let everyone slip in as I unlocked the next door. I used to be grateful for the extra security. Look, two doors to stop possible intruders! What a joke. They both required the same damn key.
I was a f**king police officer and I couldn’t even secure my own building. My neighbors used to thank me when I came off of my shifts for moving into the building. They used to gush about how I made them all feel safer.
They never said anything, but the looks I received after my daughter was kidnapped from my own home while I lay asleep in the next room were drastically different. Their gazes were no longer filled with awe and appreciation, rather shame and disappointment. How could a police officer’s child get taken right out from under his nose?
He was a f**king terrible one, that’s how.
My feet must have trudged to the second floor by pure muscle memory because I was shaken from my zoned-out state when I felt a warm hand encompassing mine. I had the key hovering over the deadbolt, but my hand was frozen, preventing it from going any further.
Rae squeezed lightly and guided my hand and the key into the brass lock. I was enjoying the sensation of her warmth so I let her continue. She turned my hand, which caused the key to turn in the lock. I heard the metal slide out of the latch and we were finally free to enter. Raegan turned the knob and pushed open the black, wooden door.
Kate and Braden rushed in front of us. I knew they would be okay. I had asked my mom to dust the place and fill the fridge for me. I had also asked her to remove all pictures that had Ash in them. I didn’t want them thrown away because I planned on telling Kate about her mother, but there was an appropriate time for something like that and now was not the time.
Raegan and I remained in the doorway, neither of us moving forward. I couldn’t tell who was more uncomfortable with this place. Or maybe she was just standing here to give me the courage to enter.
I glanced down at her petite frame and dark chestnut-brown hair. The strands were shiny and long. The tips were just beginning to graze her ass and I wanted to wrap it around my arm and pull her head back, forcing her to look up into my hungry eyes. Might not be the best idea right now. God, she was hot though. I’d definitely need to distract my mind from any future thoughts like those.
My eyes took in her movement as she grazed her fingers over a large chip in the paint on the doorframe. This building appeared to have more and more of those chips. It certainly wasn’t the finest building, but it was all Ash and I could afford at the time with a baby on the way—or at least that’s all I thought we could afford. The area Raegan stroked was a larger indention than normal and her eyes seemed to be far away, lost in a memory.
“I’m pretty sure this was from my head,” she whispered. The words that came out of her mouth were so faint, I wouldn’t have heard them if we had been anywhere else besides this silent doorway.
“What do you mean?” I asked with a nervous croak in my voice.
“I was dead asleep when they came in and grabbed me. It took me too long to put together what was happening. They put something resembling a cloth over my eyes and a hand over my mouth.” Her fingers grazed across her lips, as she appeared to be remembering the violent incident. A tremor ran down my spine. “It wasn’t until this doorway that I woke up fully and understood that I was being taken. When we reached about here…” She pointed to the tiled foyer. “I began to panic and started doing everything I could to escape them. I couldn’t scream because their hands were too tight so I started thrashing about. I had no idea someone else was carrying Braden and Kate. I wanted to hit something… anything that could wake you guys up. Right as we were stepping through the doorway, I got the blindfold off.”
She paused and suddenly I needed to know everything—every single detail she could give me. Maybe I needed to punish myself in any way possible. I deserved to be tortured by each and every word that came out of her mouth. I gripped her hand again and pulled it up to my lips. Not exactly a punishment, but Raegan and I appeared to be functioning off of small, reassuring touches. We both seemed to need it, and I liked that I could help her in that way.
She continued when I finally let our hands fall back down. “Once I got the blindfold off, someone slammed my head right here. I don’t remember much else until we were in Mexico. When I realized they had… taken the babies as well I was immediately sick at the idea of what had happened while I had been out. But when I finally came to, Mrs. Flores was just rocking and singing to them, like they were her own children. God, I hate that woman.”
I instinctively pulled her toward my chest and kissed her forehead, where I assumed that scum had forced her head into the wood. It was ironic that I was kissing the spot right next to her newest forehead injury. I still didn’t know what had happened and every time I brought it up, she shied away from my questioning. I guess I was going to have to give her time. It also seemed brutally ironic that she began and ended this journey almost the same.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
A lightning bolt shot up my spine and I stiffened like a two-by-four. “What did I tell you about that, Rae? I’m the one that’s sorry. God, my stomach drops every time I think about that night. I had just come off working thirty straight hours, and I remember that I’d passed out the second I hit the pillow. It’s not an excuse though, I should have f**king heard something.”
She spun in my arms and looked up at me, her short stature evident due to our close proximity. She didn’t seem to notice that her hands were placed against my chest, but I sure as hell did. Another part of me began to notice her nearness as well. I cursed my libido and tried to remind my brain to stay in the appropriate state of mind.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said softly.
I ignored her attempt at pacifying my self-disgrace. “You were so strong. You took care of Kate even though…” My hand ran down the side of her face and cupped her chin to hold her gaze.
I was battling two major sides of myself. One side wanted to tell her how appreciative I was that she took care of Kate, even when Kate really wasn’t her child to care for. She raised her into this beautiful, intelligent little girl, and I couldn’t even begin to put into words my extreme gratitude.
But this other side—the side that was quite forceful—wanted to grab her little waist firmly in my hands. I wanted to lift her up so she could wrap her toned legs tightly around me. This side wanted to take a hold of her mouth with my own and push her up against the wall. I wanted to show her exactly what I could do to that perfect body–exactly what I think her eyes have been pleading with me to do.
Currently, those beautiful green eyes were boring into mine and I felt her need in my bones. God, did I want to appease her. And myself.
“Mama, I have to go potty!” Kate’s shrill voice cut through our sexual tension like a bucket of ice-cold water, dousing all of the fire running through my veins.
I clutched both sides of Raegan’s head and kissed her hair. “I got her,” I said and retreated toward the hallway with Kate’s little hand in mine.
Not long after I showed her where the bathroom was, the doorbell rang. Through the peephole I could see my five-foot-two, gray-haired mother practically bouncing on her toes.
I laughed to myself and opened the door. Her little body slammed into mine before I even had it fully open.
“Hey, ma.” I smiled into her hair and wrapped my arms around her.
“My prayers have truly been answered,” she cried into my shirt.
“Well, if you were praying for your son to be a sexy, handsome devil, then yes, ma, I’ve come to tell you that you should be satisfied.”
She swatted at my stomach. “Oh, you cheeky boy! Still as smug as ever, I see.”
“Missed you, mom,” I muttered. “I know I’ve been a shit son, I just want to—”
“Oh, love, don’t you even say it. You followed your instincts and went to find your daughter. I raised you right.”
“I didn’t protect her when it counted though.” I hadn’t really planned on getting into this conversation with her, but there was something about a mother that made you want to spill your deepest sins.
“I dropped you on your head when you were a baby,” she shrugged so damn casually. “We can’t be perfect, Laney.”
“Ma!” I shouted. I didn’t know whether I was indignant because of her first comment or her old nickname for me. Both were ridiculous.
“Quit keeping me from my granddaughter. I know all about the hours your dad got with her today. If I have to hear him rub it in my face one more minute, I’ll smack him.”
“I don’t think he was bragging,” I laughed.
“That’s exactly what he was doing. He’s just like you.”
I stopped her before she could continue further. “Remember, she doesn’t know anything. Let’s at least try to keep the tears at bay,” I insisted. She huffed past and headed straight toward the living room.
“Hello,” I heard Raegan say tentatively.
“Hi!” Kate’s voice called out shortly after.
“Hey guys, this is my mom,” I informed them. “Kate, this is your grandma.”
“I have a grandma too!?” she shouted. Her little feet carried her quickly across the room until she collided with my leg. She wrapped her arms around it and stared up at my mother.
“You sure do, you precious darling,” she cooed. “I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you, but I never expected someone who looked like a real live princess.” My mother gasped dramatically and held her chest in the most playful manner.
Kate giggled and slowly released my leg. “I have pink shoes!” she declared.
“Exactly what I expected a princess to wear,” my mom said, nodding her head.
“What’s a grandma?” Braden asked, moving to Kate’s side.
“A grandma is the most important job in the world, don’t you know? A grandma brings surprises.” She tapped her large bag mysteriously. “A grandma brings cookies and lets you stay up way past your bedtime. Grandmas are fun!” she exclaimed.
“Wow!” Kate clapped enthusiastically.
Braden’s face fell for a moment, but we all caught it and I immediately moved to console him. I couldn’t stand that sad look spoiling his adorable face. My mom got there first.
“I can be your grandma too. Well…” she started, trying to appear glum, “that’s if you’ll let me.” My mother should have been on Broadway with those acting skills. Had I been so easily charmed as a child?
“You can! You can!” Braden called out excitedly.
“Wow, I am a lucky lady.” She smiled brightly. “Alright, my sweet grandchildren, let’s go play with the new toys I’ve brought you.” She pointed down the hall and Kate and Braden happily led the way. “Oh, I also brought you some things, Raegan. I have plenty to talk to you about as well, but I’ll save it for a better time. Just know how grateful I am for you, darling girl. I hope you like everything, but if not, it’s still a win for me because then we can go shopping together.” Mom quickly scooped a speechless Raegan into her arms and dropped a large bag onto the couch near her.
When my mom finally took off down the hall and I could hear her announcing her surprises to the kids, Raegan finally looked in my direction.
“That’s your mom?” she asked with awe in her voice. I nodded my head, smiling. “Why did you ever move out?”
I shrugged. “You know how it goes. Teenage guy thinking that all he wanted was independence. Besides, I don’t think girls really go for the adult-still-living-with-mommy-and-daddy type of guy.”
“I don’t know. She could win over almost anyone.” She pointed toward the bag and asked, “What do you think that is?”
“Well, it’s obviously for you. Check it out,” I chuckled.
She cautiously opened the large, crinkling plastic and dipped her hands inside. Gingerly, she pulled out piles of clothes. I saw t-shirts, blouses, jeans, shorts, and pajamas—all for her and for the kids. Shortly after, I saw her take out some bras and underwear, but she quickly shoved those back into the bag awkwardly.