We were inseparable, even more so than before, which was saying a lot.
A few careless comments brought it all crashing down, though it was bound to happen, one way or another.
The morning it happened was kind of horrible, and kind of wonderful.
Tristan was sweet as could be, cooking breakfast, making me keep him company in the kitchen. He touched me constantly, with his hands, his mouth, his smile.
I was on cloud nine until he spoke.
“I’m glad this worked out like it did. I didn’t think we could manage to have sex, and it not turn into a thing.”
I shot a glance at the boys, who were happily watching TV, but they were oblivious to him having said the word ‘sex’ in little more than a whisper. I was also trying to distract myself from what his words implied.
“Hmm?” I asked, going for oh so casual.
“I thought we couldn’t just be friends after something like that. I was afraid you’d start to develop, you know, romantic feelings. I love that it didn’t turn out awkward. Who says having a fuck buddy is a bad idea?”
I tried not to visibly flinch, but didn’t quite manage.
He caught my expression out of the corner of his eye, sending me a rueful smile. “I know girls don’t like that term, but what else would you call it?”
“How about we just not talk about it?” I suggested, making a last ditch effort at averting the fallout that I felt building up in my chest like a scream that just had to escape.
“My bad. That’s probably a very solid idea. I was just saying…I like this. This has been…nice.”
I stewed about that all day. I tried to hold my tongue, really I did, but by bedtime I was in a state, the words ‘fuck buddy’, and ‘…nice’ just rolling around in my head, looking for Trouble.
We’d made plans to go out late, and I found Tristan getting ready in my room.
“Can I just say something?” I began, my tone already on its way to angry.
Tristan finished shrugging into a thin T-shirt before giving me his full attention. “Yeah. What’s up?”
“I’m pretty sure you’re already aware of this, but I am not a casual kind of girl. I’ve only been with a few guys, and both of the ones I was with willingly, were in a committed relationship with me. Before you, I’d never slept with a guy who didn’t tell me he loved me. It goes without saying that I take exception to the term fuck buddy.”
He didn’t look sorry, his brow arching at me, his eyes getting a little hard on mine, which I wasn’t used to, not from him. “I’m sorry I used that term. I was stupid to even bring it up. We going out?”
“Let me finish. You think I haven’t developed any romantic feelings for you…but that’s just not true. I have a hard time keeping things to myself—”
“You don’t say.”
“Let me finish,” I said again, through gritted teeth, mad now, just from the look on his face, and the sick feeling in my gut that I knew just how he was going to react to what I was about to tell him. “You’re fooling yourself if you think I don’t have those feelings for you, Tristan. I’ve fallen in love with you.”
I felt my jaw clench as his gaze turned insolent.
“Bullshit,” he said softly.
I’d never seen his mean side, and with just a taste, I was certain I couldn’t handle it.
“Wh-what do you mean? Did you hear what I said?”
“Oh, I heard you. I just don’t believe you.”
“Why would I lie about something like that?”
“Prove it. Tell me why you fell in love with me so fast. Tell me how.”
He was very helpful at getting my hurt to turn to fury in a heartbeat.
“It was actually very easy, you ass. I couldn’t help it. Being around you, I couldn’t help myself. You’re just too easy to love. Going by your reaction, though, I see that I’m not.”
“Don’t guilt trip me, Danika. That shit feels manipulative.”
“I’d rather be manipulative, than be a heartless jerk.”
“You keep making these statements about love. You say I’m the heartless one, but you’ve got this relationship thing down to an emotionless science.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Everything is never and always with you, like you’ve done it all before. You always do committed relationships. You never have sex without love. Do you know how mechanical you sound when you say those things? It’s become nothing more than routine for you. You make it sound like any man could have you, if he just agreed to those two things. You play so hard to get, but two easy lies could get you into bed.”
“Don’t be an ass.”
“I’m not being an ass. I’m not saying this because I don’t care. If I didn’t give a damn, I would just say those words. Don’t you get that? I don’t make promises because I’m honest, and most damned promises are a lie.”
I felt my lip quiver. He’d done it now. I wouldn’t hold back on him. I felt how ugly the words were before they’d even left my lips. “You think you’re such a perfect guy, just because you tell women the score, and they love you anyway. You think your dad was any different from you? You think your mother named you after him because he was a bastard? He was probably just like you, just as charming, just as fun, just as irresistible. Your worst nightmare is to become like your dad, but what would you do if some woman came up to you tomorrow, and told you she was pregnant?”
“I always use protection—”