Nice lump, stupid girl.
“Alright Izzy, enough of this. Now we can add explaining what the hell that was to the list.”
My patience is shot. Blown to fucking dust. My mood is deteriorating with every second and she just looks at me with empty eyes. It’s like she isn’t even here with me. She just keeps roaming her eyes over my face. As pissed as I am right now, I can’t help but become sucked in to her all over again. She looks so scared, but it’s the longing I see all over her face that has me transfixed; like someone just kicked her puppy, killed her cat, and told her she wouldn’t get a pony for Christmas.
“Please, talk.” She jumps at my hushed pleading.
It takes her a minute and more of that heavy analyzing gaze before she speaks again. Her tone is dead, she sounds so small and defeated. Chills break out all over my body with her next words.
“It was so hard, Axel. So hard.” She looks away, focusing off into space instead of on me. “The first year was okay. He worked a lot but it wasn’t bad. He didn’t want me to work, said the only thing I needed to do was care for him, the house and any…kids. What did I know, stupid broken Iz, what did I know? Huh?”
She finally looks back at me; she looks like some spirit has returned but not much. I know this won’t be good before she even says a word. I have to fight the urge to punch something, reminding myself I asked for this.
“The second year was when he started to change a little. We didn’t go visit my grandparents as much, he was always asking me to stay home and not meet Dee for lunch or dinner. Little things that I didn’t notice at first…until they became big things.” She gives a bitter snort before taking another big intake of air. “I hadn’t seen Dee in a few weeks, I think it was a Wednesday…I don’t know. He was going to be late that day and the only thing I could think was, finally…finally I can see Dee. A half hour coffee date with Dee turned into a split lip. I didn’t even think he was out of line, you know, I thought I deserved it. I think Dee always knew things were off in the Hunter house. About a month after that I ran into her again. She begged me to open up to her, but I told her I was fine. Fine, what a joke that was.”
If I couldn’t feel my blood rushing through my body right now, I would be convinced I had turned to stone. Words were beyond me and my earlier taunts were smacking me all in the face.
I will kill this motherfucker.
“Princess,” I reach down for her hand but she pulls it close to her body, “Was that the only time he put his hands on you?” I try for soft but the lethal fury in my voice can’t be missed.
“For a while. They didn’t start bad for another few months. He acted like he was sorry and it was an accident. They didn’t get bad until around our third anniversary.”
“What exactly is defined as bad, because I can’t find any good way for a man to touch a woman like that.”
When her eyes come back to me and that single fat tear slips from her eye I know, I just know.
“Don’t you feel pity for me, this wasn’t your mess. You didn’t make him do it. I should have left; been strong enough to leave. I didn’t have anyone, Axel, so don’t think I didn’t think about it. He was smart; he cut me off from everyone. I didn’t even get to go to my grandmother’s funeral and Pops…he wasn’t doing well either. I didn’t want Dee to know how bad it was, I was stuck…stuck with no one.”
This heavy pain shoots through my left side at her words. I should have been there, and as ridiculous the thought is, I can’t shake the thought that I let this girl down somehow. I have spent years hating her, thinking she had just forgotten us and moved on, to know she suffered was not sitting well.
“You know about mom and dad, right?” She looks up at me, all sad and broken for confirmation. With my weak nod, she continues. “Dee was all I had left. She finally caught me alone one day; I was picking up some groceries. That was one of the only things I was allowed to do alone. She pulled me into the bathroom and begged me to talk, begged me to leave. I brushed her off again. She bought me a prepaid phone and told me to call her, day or night if I needed her. We were able to sneak a few calls and secret meetings but not many. She didn’t live far, close enough to come when I could get away.” She stops for a while and I just sit there, struck dumb waiting on her to continue, all the while struggling not to go find this fucker.
“Are you sure we need to go over this? It isn’t pretty, Axel.”
I want to scream no, no I don’t want to hear this. Anything but this. “Yeah, Izzy, keep going.”
“Okay,” pause, “well--,” Pause. Inhale. Exhale. “A few years back I went to meet Dee, nothing big, just wanted to see her. We had it all planned. I called her the day before from the phone she gave me, told her I missed her and just wanted to spend some time together. I set dinner in the slow cooker, ran my errands and snuck in a Dee visit. It would have been fine and he never would have been the wiser but I was running late. He got home right after me and even though I thought I had made it…he knew.” She stops and levels her eyes with mine, her eyes almost look gray, her eyes always used to change with her moods…gray was always the one I hated the most. “That was the night I finally used that phone for her to save me.”
I hadn’t realized I am not breathing until my chest starts hurting. I can’t even move, can’t even allow myself to move, my God…
“I got lucky, when I passed out the game wasn’t fun anymore and for the first time, he left after he finished with me. Dee got there, and got me out quick. I haven’t seen him since that day. The divorce has been in limbo for the last six or so months.”
I can’t stand to hear this story. I wish to God this was just a tale, not the life she was living when I thought she was happy. Not touching her is becoming unbearable. I reach over and grab her hand before she is able to pull it away, rubbing my thumb over her soft skin and looking into her eyes. As hard as it is for me to hear, it can’t be easy to retell.
“I don’t even know what to say right now, Princess. I…I just don’t know. It kills me to know you had to live with any abuse for a second, but years—Izzy, I have never wished harder that I would have been there.” Before I even finish speaking she wretches her hand away and scoots to the other side of my bed.
“No…you do not call me that, Axel. And, we are not going there. I’ve explained my marriage, but I will not go there with you. Leave it in the past, please.” Her raw desperation is the only thing that keeps me from fighting her on this. We will be talking about that, but I’m smart enough to know she will shut down if I force her now.
“Alright, Izzy, I got you. Explain the package to me. Greg told me what it was but I don’t get how it matches the story you told me. Did you have…kids?” The cost my control takes to get that out with a neutral tone is high. The thought of another man touching her is enough, but to think of another man planting his seed in her body, unimaginable.
She was mine.
She is mine.
She will always fucking be mine.
I can see the walls coming up instantly; she is blocking me out and masking her emotions perfectly. I have no idea what made her shut down this time. I could stick a metal rod up her ass and she still wouldn’t be as stiff as she is right now.
“We couldn’t have children,” she says quickly and quietly, “That’s all that was; a reminder that I couldn’t give him children.” Done. That statement is said in such a way that I knew there will be no talking about that in detail. I’ll give her that play, I don’t know many women that aren’t a little upset about not being able to have children and deep down, I can admit the world without a chance of more Izzy in it is a dull place.
“That was the first time he contacted you?” I ask, in attempt to change the subject, making a mental note to ask Greg for more detail later.
“Not at first. I think he had a hard time finding me. I just recently started working, so he would have had to look for Dee to find me. There have been some calls, but nothing bad. Not until the package.”
There’s something I’m missing. I can’t ignore the feeling that there is a big part of this picture missing. This asshole has been pretty silent and distant for so long, with the exception of the divorce hold up, he hasn’t been making waves. Something is off but I can tell she isn’t going to open up much more. I check the time and see it is creeping up on dawn, just cements the fact that we are done for the night.
“We need to sit down with Greg and the boys. I need to check out the system in your house and then you need to tell me how you want this to go. But that can all wait for tomorrow, it’s late and I’m sure your earlier brush with adventure isn’t exactly keeping you wide-awake. I’ll grab some clothes; you can use the bathroom then sleep. We can call the guys over in the morning.”
Her eyes are wide, wide and shocked. “I’m not sleeping here. You can take me home or I can have someone come get me. You wanted to talk and we talked. Now I want to leave.”
Throwing my head back and laughing was probably not the wisest move but she must be out of her fucking mind if she thinks I am going to let her out of my sight before I can nail down a solid plan. She doesn’t know it yet, but we are about to become best of friends.
“Not fighting about this shit. It’s late and I’m sure anyone you would call has already gone to bed. One night isn’t going to fucking kill you, babe. This bed might as well have the Gulf in the middle of it. I’ll stay on my side; tomorrow we will figure this out and get this mess straightened out. Don’t piss me off, take the clothes; go get fucking cleaned up and sleep.” I walk over to the dresser and yank out a tee and some briefs, tossing them over to her, hitting her right in her stunned face. That seems to knock her out of whatever has her all tied up. With a huff and a whole lot of sass, she stomps over to my bathroom and slams the door.
I feel the strings of the years of hating her slowly start to loosen.
I can’t ignore the desire to make her mine, it is still there, but I can’t forget she left and forgot about me pretty damn easily. I will take care of this problem and then, then we will take care of us. We have enough to deal with right now; figuring out everything else can wait. I just can’t decide if I want to figure us out for closure or to bring us back together. Only time will tell; one thing at a time.
I step out of the room, pull my phone out of my pocket and dial up Greg. One ring and that fucker answers like he has been waiting. I’m not sure what to take from their relationship, but I am not happy with how close they seem.
“Is she okay?” He asks and, fuck me, he sounds wrecked.
No, not wrecked. He sounds destroyed.
“She will be, told me about the ex. You did not tell me he fucking hurt her. You did not tell me a fucking thing about how bad it was, Greg. Problem husband not wanting a divorce, that is what you said. Can you imagine my shock when I find out he slapped her around?”
