I started the car, on the way to set up my back-up plan, but it didn’t involve taking her to Heath’s place.
By the time I got on the freeway, she was dozing in the seat next to me—thankfully. I knew she was exhausted. I’d kept the top up to minimize the wind inside the car so it wouldn’t keep her awake. She hadn’t slept enough lately. Her head lolled forward and all I could see was that ridiculous white fluff of hair that she had recently bleached white and dyed in rainbow colors to match her fairy costume for the company costume party at our convention in Las Vegas. The hair coloring had been permanent—presumably because she’d anticipated it would soon be falling out from the chemotherapy she was supposed to start this week. She looked like a faded punk rock star from the ’90s.
I took the long route, so she didn’t start to stir until I exited the freeway. Rather than head straight up Chapman Avenue to Heath’s house, I turned right, toward North Tustin and my uncle’s house instead.
She blinked, coming awake, groggily asking, “Why are we going to Peter’s house?”
When I didn’t answer, she glared at me, realization dawning. She straightened in her seat. “Adam, stop the car.”
Instead I shifted, pressed the gas and headed up the hill toward the high school.
“Adam,” she said between clenched teeth.
“You need to tell her sooner or later.”
She hissed through her teeth like I’d just punched her in the stomach. “Stop. The. Fucking. Car.”
We were about two blocks away from Peter’s house. I pulled over to the nearest curb and turned off the ignition. I hesitated, staring out the window in front of me, gripping the wheel. Emilia sat stiffly beside me, fuming. I’d been willing to risk her anger because if Kim was the only one who could talk sense into her, then she was my secret weapon. At this point, I was willing to do whatever needed to be done. I was that desperate.
I waited for her to catch her breath, her cheeks even paler than normal, her hands white-knuckling the edges of her bucket seat.
I took my hands off the steering wheel and watched her carefully.
“Mia…She’s your mom. You have to tell her.”
She pressed the heel of her shaking hand to her forehead. “I don’t have to do anything.”
I took a deep, calming breath, staring out the windshield, trying to collect myself.
She fidgeted in her seat next to me. “Take me back to Heath’s, please.”
After a long pause, she turned to stare at me expectantly.
“I’ll take you back to Heath’s under one condition. You hear me out first.”
Her jaw tightened and then relaxed and finally she nodded, her eyes avoiding mine.
“When we were just online friends, I recall sitting up with you all night online until six a.m. the night you found out about your mom’s cancer. Do you remember that?”
She bit her lip. “Of course.”
“I know how painful that was for you. I also know you are trying to protect her now—”
“Don’t make this about me. You are angry with me because I didn’t tell any of you, but what you need to understand—”
I held up a hand to cut her off. “We’re not talking about me right now, Mia. We’re talking about your mom. She has a right to know. She has a right to be the strong one for you, to help you. You’re going to need people. That’s probably harder than hell for you to admit.”
She rubbed her forehead with a shaky hand. “I know I need—but—I—God, I remember how I felt when she told me. I remember how it felt to be the helpless one standing by, not able to do a single goddamn thing. It was the worst thing I’ve ever gone through in my life and I wanted to spare her”—she looked at me—“and you…”
I bit my tongue to keep the irritated reply where it belonged—unspoken in my mouth. Because finding out the way I did was so much better than your not telling me.
Her eyes widened in reaction. Apparently she saw what I was thinking and I cursed myself for not hiding my thoughts better. I used to be so good at that.
She took a deep breath. “I know it was my own cowardice, too. I can’t explain what was going through my head because it sounds so ridiculous. It started out just a small thing. First a suspicion, a biopsy. But then the diagnosis came and I…It was like getting cancer was somehow letting you all down. There were all these problems between us before and then this…I thought it would finish us. I was like damaged goods.”
I exhaled in surprise but didn’t say anything. She swallowed, casting a nervous glance at me before continuing.