I wasn’t at all surprised when I got a visit from a massive fellow in a full leg cast, moving like a ninety-year-old man except he was wearing a glower fierce enough to put the fear of God into any man. I knew he was here for her and I couldn’t blame him for the fact that he looked like he wanted to pull my intestines out through my nose.
I had met Dominic Voss one other time, while he was arresting me. The look on his face as he limped his way into the Bar to confront me was a hundred times more ferocious than it had been that night. Even on one leg and in an obviously huge amount of pain, Dom didn’t come across as a guy anyone would want to cross. When he propped himself up on the opposite side of the bar from me and stared me down, all I could do was look at him and wait to see what he had to say.
He ran his hands through his dark hair in an aggravated manner and asked me to pour him a shot of Maker’s Mark on the rocks. I turned to comply and set it down in front of him with a lifted eyebrow.
“I thought I was going to come in here and threaten to kick your ass … even with one leg. I thought I was going to tell you what an absolute moron you are for letting her go and that I was going to have to tell you that you have no idea what you’re going to miss out on by not letting a girl as wonderful as Royal love you.” He picked up the rocks glass and took a swig and then lifted both his eyebrows so that his expression mirrored my own. “But I can look at you and see that you know all of that. So now I want to ask you why you did it.”
I hadn’t slept in days. I was drinking my weight in scotch every single night. I hadn’t bothered to shave, so I was scruffy, and I knew that none of the usual polish that I hid behind could be found. I looked like I had just crawled out of that trailer in Kentucky after a month-long bender and I felt about the same.
Dom continued to stare at me and I continued to stare back. He was just one more person that wanted an explanation I couldn’t give.
“You look like shit. She looks like shit. Neither one of you seems to be on board with this breakup, so why don’t you do something about it, lover boy?”
I sighed and finally looked away from that penetrating green gaze. I gazed down at the bar and lifted a hand to rub absently at the back of my neck. The knots of tension that were coiled there felt like balls of steel and iron under my skin.
“Nothing can be done about it, cop. If there was a better answer than that, I would give it … to her, not to you.”
He grunted at me and slammed back the rest of his drink. “You broke her fucking heart, which already makes you a piece of shit, but what really makes you a fuck wad is that you broke it after putting it back together for her. Why bother fixing her if you were just going to tear her back to pieces?”
That made my chest contract and my hands clench involuntarily. She was already all together when I got my hands on her. Her pieces were just a little jumbled up and out of order because she cared so much about her partner and seeing him get hurt knocked her a little loose. All I did was straighten those pieces out and tighten her back up. If anyone had put the work in to fix anyone, it was the other way around. I didn’t realize how broken I had been until she started tinkering around in all the darkness and shining her light on it. Without Royal, there was no way I would’ve been able to know that even though I had hurt her like this, it was for the best.
“If there was any other way to do this, I would’ve found it. Believe me or don’t, but I walked away for her, not because of her.”
Dom grunted again and hobbled back onto his crutches. “You better have one hell of a good reason for doing this to her.”
Oh, I had a really fucking good reason, but I wasn’t going to share it with anyone and run the risk of ripping Royal’s small family apart. Sometimes the sins of the parents did not have to be suffered by their children.
“I hope you figure your shit out, lover boy. Royal deserves someone that can stand by her and appreciates her for all the amazing things she brings to the table. I don’t know how on earth that person managed to be an ex-con with a twang, but stranger things have happened.”
I ran my hands over my face as my heart throbbed painfully in my chest. There was no figuring my shit out, and that’s what made the situation seem impossible. I called out to Dom as he finally made his way to the door, “Take care of her.”
He looked over his shoulder at me with a scowl. “I always have.” With that closing salvo he exited the bar and left me feeling even worse than I already was.
I got another visitor at the end of what I swore was the longest week of my life. I just wanted to tell everyone to leave me alone, to shut the world out and mourn for the loss of something I was sure was going to stick with me forever. It was the day after the first night Royal hadn’t called, so I was already keyed up and furious at myself and at the circumstances. I had never bemoaned all the crappy things that seemed to find their way to my doorstep, never minded that I had some penance to pay, but this sacrifice felt like it might be what finally took me out, what might make me drown.