“Was he your first?”
“Yeah.” Ty reached up and idly twirled his finger through Zane’s hair. “His name was David.”
Zane tipped his head to the side to be closer to Ty’s fingers. It was a remarkably intimate action, and he loved that Ty was doing it, seemingly without thinking about it. He smiled at the idea of a teenage Ty flirting with a guy he’d literally maimed the night before, writing his number on the guy’s cast to get him to call him. It was sweet, in a very Grady sort of way. “Have you seen him since?”
“Couple times,” Ty answered with a nod. “He’s a lawyer down in Richmond.”
Zane reached to touch Ty’s cheek. “Does it bother you to tell me?”
Ty waited a moment before answering in a surprised voice. “Not really. I guess it’s just been a secret for so long….”
“So how’d he turn out?” Zane asked, not wanting to press his lover on the topic of secrets. “Bachelor? Married?”
“Long-term relationship with a guy he met in college,” Ty answered wryly. His smile fell and he shook his head, closing his eyes as he continued to play with Zane’s hair. “He’s the only thing I’ve ever run from.”
“Being attracted to another man at that time in your life, I’m sure it was a shock to deal with,” Zane said. “I probably would have run too.”
The only thing Zane had known when he’d been that age was Becky. How would he have handled it if those feelings had been for another guy? He wasn’t sure.
“Maybe,” Ty murmured. “Am I the first guy you’ve been involved with? I mean, beyond the ones you left in the alley.”
Zane pressed his index finger on the slight wrinkles between Ty’s brows and rubbed, trying to get him to open his eyes. Ty batted at his hand, then caught it and kissed it, trapping it against his chest.
“Yes,” Zane answered. “I didn’t even consider being with a guy until after Becky was gone, but up to that point I hadn’t considered being with anyone.” It came out so easily, he surprised himself. Usually thinking about Becky at least echoed some sort of pain. But here with Ty, it didn’t hurt. It was a chapter in his life that was finally over.
“Why’d you start?” Ty asked him as he held Zane’s hand firmly to his chest to keep him from poking at his face again.
“Lust,” Zane answered. “It was while I was undercover in Miami, working a smuggling operation from Colombia. We were treated to our choice of escorts, and there was this… well, he was the first one that caught my eye and I couldn’t look away. I figured what the hell, new experiences. After a few times I figured out I enjoyed being with a guy more than any woman I’d been with. It was fun, a good way to blow off steam, really hot.”
Ty nodded, remaining quiet as he rubbed his thumb back and forth over Zane’s hand. He could feel Ty relaxing against him again, body loosening and growing more languid as he held him close. Zane smiled and shifted to lie down again, this time settling his cheek on Ty’s breastbone. “So tell me about the one woman. One woman among so many,” he quipped.
Ty immediately groaned and jerked under him. “I was hoping that would slip past you,” he said, only partly joking.
“Not hardly,” Zane drawled. He pressed his lips to Ty’s skin for a moment. “Tell me anyway.”
Ty cleared his throat. “Her name was Ava,” he said in defeat. “I met her when I was in New Orleans. I almost proposed to her.”
“Really?” Zane blurted, lifting his head to look at Ty.
Ty smiled and shrugged one shoulder. “I could never convince myself it was a good idea. I was right. It didn’t stick.”
“That’s why I’m surprised,” Zane admitted.
“Why?” Ty asked, shifting uncomfortably but meeting Zane’s eyes anyway.
“Because you stuck with me.”
Ty pressed his lips together, looking at Zane worriedly for a moment before reaching up and sliding his palm against Zane’s cheek. “I didn’t love her. And I wasn’t the one who ended it,” he admitted.
“I’m sorry,” Zane whispered, even though deep down he really wasn’t. Ty shook his head. Zane studied him for a long moment. “How long ago was this?”
“Right before Katrina hit,” Ty murmured, frowning as he tried to remember how many years ago that had been.
“Five years this summer.” Zane said. He paused, swallowing hard before asking, “Do you… does it still hurt?”
Ty laughed before he could stop himself. He clapped his hand over his mouth as if he was trying to hide the reaction, and he shook his head.
Zane pushed up to look down at him, not sure how to interpret that reaction.
“I’m sorry,” Ty said hastily, reaching for Zane’s arm to stop him from pulling away. “It’s just your choice of words is….” He laughed again and took Zane’s hand, pulling it to the side of his stomach, just under his ribs, to let Zane’s fingers rest against his skin. “You feel that scar there?” he asked as he placed Zane’s fingers along a faded scar Zane had noticed before.
Zane frowned and nodded, feeling the smooth raised line of scar tissue under his fingertips. It went from the front of Ty’s hip to the back, like he’d been grazed. Then his eyes widened. “She did this?”
“Threw a butcher’s knife at me,” Ty told him, voice tinged with an odd mixture of amusement and irritation. “Her aim was usually better, so I’m pretty sure she missed on purpose.”
“She was pretty set on ending it, then.”
Ty shook his head and inhaled deeply as he relaxed back into bed. “It was my fault. She didn’t know I was a Fed,” he said with true regret. “By the time I realized I might have real feelings for her, I was stuck. Couldn’t figure out how to tell her and not blow my cover. She didn’t even know my last name. I don’t know what I was thinking, I guess… I just hoped she’d still care for me after the case was over and I could come clean to her. But then, when Katrina was bearing down, they pulled everyone, UC or not, to help with evacuation and prepare for search and rescue. I went to her and told her to leave, that I’d found a transport for her and her family to get out safely. She refused until I promised I’d go with them. But I couldn’t leave. I had to tell her why just to get her on the helicopter.”