There were worse things that being compared to Apollo. “Seth is arrogant and smug. That really doesn’t narrow down the list.” At Aiden’s tired nod of agreement, I squeezed his hands. “Go to sleep. We’ll figure this out in the morning.”
Aiden insisted he wasn’t that tired, but it didn’t take more than a few moments before his breathing became deep and steady. I stayed in his arms, eyes glued to the entrance. I was still tired, and the headache had kicked back up the moment I’d awakened, spreading from my temples, but it was manageable.
Mulling over what Aiden had said, I had to give the idea there was something personal behind this some cred. But the only problem with that was the fact that all the gods probably had a damn good reason to cause discord. Apollo even had said once before that, after thousands of years of being together, they had nothing better to do than tick each other off.
We needed to figure out who it was behind this, but what could we do? Taking out a god was unheard of. Even the Titans had been entombed, not killed. The loss of any god carried cosmic consequences. The world wouldn’t stop spinning, but all the gods would be weakened if one fell. It was probably the only thing that kept them from outright killing one another, but…
One massive problem at a time…
Seth and Lucian were our biggest problem. Hopefully, we’d find Solaris and she held the answer to stopping him. Part of me hadn’t given up on the tiniest sliver of hope that somehow Seth could be saved—that he could be fixed. I sincerely believed that, without Lucian’s and the aether’s influence, he wouldn’t have done the things he had.
But who was I to say that absolved him of his sins? If a drug addict killed someone while under the influence, he was still guilty. Seth had done what he had done and it felt like there was no going back from that.
Sorrow was like slush in my blood, dirty and messy, because it felt misplaced. As if I felt bad for a killer…
Pushing thoughts of Seth aside, I stroked the length of Aiden’s fingers and wondered if I’d ever hear Aiden play the guitar again. I hoped so. Maybe even get him to sing, because he had a nice voice.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but it couldn’t have been more than an hour. The sky peeking through the holes in the roof of the cavern was still a deep blue and my headache… had steadily increased. Now it throbbed behind my eyes.
There was no fooling myself. I knew what it meant. Seth was on the other end of the bond and he was trying to reach me. The venom of panic gave me a sharp bite. Now was so not the time for him to pull this kind of crap. A freaking army of spiders could descend on us while I was with him. Worse yet, we could be discovered by Hades.
Carefully wiggling free of Aiden’s embrace, I pushed to my feet and went to the pool, scooping the jasmine-scented water up and splashing it over my face. It had seemed to help before, but I had a feeling I was beyond help.
I sat down, concentrating on my breathing. I could feel the cord now. It still slumbered, but the hum was louder, more powerful. Placing my head in my hands, I squeezed my eyes shut and waited. Part of me already knew there was no stopping this.
Seth was incredibly strong and hellishly determined when he wanted to be.
So I waited for pain to come, but it never did. Instead, the hum of the cord became louder and stronger, until it felt like my entire body vibrated. Then out of the white noise filling my head, a whisper grew until I could make out the words and recognize the voice.
Nice to see… or hear you again, Alex.
Seth.
My eyes snapped open and, unlike last time, I wasn’t mentally transported somewhere by Hermes. The spring was still in front of me. I could hear Aiden’s deep breaths and feel the slight chill in the air of the cavern.
I know you can hear me, Alex. I can feel it.
I groaned. I’m really starting to get annoyed with this.
Through the bond, I could feel his smugness. It was like before, when we’d been connected. His emotions flowed through to me and vice versa. I bet, if I closed my eyes, I could see him as clearly as he stood in front of me, but we weren’t connected.
Deep down you love it, he said.
Uh, no. Tucking my damp hair back, I let out a low breath. I don’t understand how you’re able to do this. We’re not connected.
After our last little social call, it’s easier to tap into the connection. Whenever you’re feeling really worn down or emotional, I can reach you. I guess it would be the same if you were in pain. There was a pause, and I swore I felt a flicker of concern. Are you in pain?
I rolled my eyes. Good news was that Apollo must’ve had a little talk with Hermes. No, but you’re a pain in my ass. Does that count?
Seth’s laugh still had that weird, warm feeling. At least this way you can’t hit me.
Hitting Seth still felt like a viable option. I don’t have time for this right now.
Curiosity filtered through the connection. What is it that you’re doing right now, Alex?
What are YOU doing right now, Seth?
There was that laugh again. It was a nice laugh. It didn’t have the same effect as Aiden’s, but it was rich and deep and it reminded me of Seth.
Pre-killing-rampage Seth, that is.
You tell first.
Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Aiden stir a little. Then I closed my eyes and focused on the connection. I figured I might as well glean some information from this.
A split second later, Seth took form in my thoughts. For some reason, he only had half his clothes on. I wasn’t sure if that was me doing that or if he really was shirtless. Either way, it was way too much golden skin exposed. Treading lightly, I tested out the connection and the emotions it fed to me. I didn’t know if I could somehow get sucked into him this way, so I proceeded with a great deal of caution.
The only thing I felt was… calmness, which was really—
A sudden cold chill snaked down my spine, and then Seth said, Whatever you’re looking for, you’re not going to find it.
What do you think I’m looking for?
With you, one can never be too sure.
Oh, that’s the pot calling the kettle black.
Amusement flowed through the connection as Seth said, Or it’s the pot calling the pot a pot.
I made a face. What?
Seth laughed. Ah, I’ve sort of missed this, Alex.
Opening my eyes, I resisted the irrational urge to admit that I too missed the banter, the out-snarking battle that neither of us won. It was weird—the dynamics of my relationships with Seth and Aiden.
Aiden complimented me; he was the yin to my yang, the “now, now” to my smartass. But Seth and I were too much alike, and in a way, we really were the same person. Together for too long, we probably would murder each other.
But yeah, there was a part of me that missed this—missed him.
Why haven ‘t you started yelling at me yet? he asked.
I choked out a laugh. Only you would ask that question. What? Do you want me to yell at you? I doubt that it would do any good. It’s not going to change you.
But that’s never stopped you from doing anything before. Even if you knew the outcome and it was pointless, you’d still do it.
Like now? Staying away from you is pointless?
The smugness was back, settling over me like a second skin. Very pointless, he added.
Frustrated now, I closed my eyes and sighed. Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do. I know you don’t care about anyone but yourself, but I really need to go.
Pricks of irritation overshadowed the warmth of amusement and arrogance. I want to talk.
Immediately wary, my hands opened and closed. What do you want to talk about?
How wrong you are.
It was a good thing Hermes hadn’t showed up, because my hand itched to connect with his face. Oh, gods… Seth, I can’t do this—
I care about you, he said, surprising me.
I shook my head, wanting to deny it, because stripping my ability to make my own decisions was a hell of a way of showing how he cared, but it was the truth. But I remembered that night in Telly’s house, that moment I’d seen the indecision in his eyes, the vulnerability. He hadn’t wanted to hurt me then, but I believed that what he needed overwhelmed what he wanted.
I know, I said, because, deep down, I knew he did care.
Even more shocking, there was a sudden opening in the connection. Not that I could read any of Seth’s thoughts, but there was a vulnerability that hadn’t been there before. It wouldn’t have been bad between us, even if you never connected with me. It wouldn’t have been terrible.
My chest felt heavy and it ached, because there was also some truth to that.
But it never would’ve been enough, he added, and in a weird way, he felt closer now, like he was right beside me. I’m man enough to admit that. Even if I fought for you fairly—and trust me, Aiden has nothing on me when I’m determined—in the end, whatever you felt for me would’ve been leftovers. I would’ve been a leftover. You would’ve never really been mine. I’ve always known that.
I squeezed my hands until my joints ached. Then why did you want to be with me—in the Catskills, you asked me to give it a try. Or was that a huge part of your master plan?
Master plan? Seth laughed, but it was humorless. Why wouldn’t I have asked? I’m attracted to you, Alex. Doesn’t take much to figure that out. And there’s more. I’ve been drawn to you, ever since I first saw you. It’s just the way it is for our kind.
A distant, almost sad feeling crept through the connection. That pull between us—I don’t think you’ve ever understood, or even felt it, as much asido. But anyway, like I said, I do care about you, too.
There was a physical thing between us, partly due to the Apollyon bond and our own attraction to each other. I was grownup enough to admit that it still was there, but it was watered down in comparison to how I felt for Aiden. But some things didn’t change.
I care about you. The words were whispered and sounded broken to me.
For a moment, we said nothing. It was like a stalemate, a really weird, awkward and sad one.
Please don’t do this, Seth.
He sighed. Alex…
I can help you.
The pricks of irritation soured my stomach now. I don’t need help.
You do. I took a deep breath. You’re like an addict—the aether, whatever love and approval you’re seeking from Lucian. You need help.
I knew the moment I’d said the wrong thing. Irritation flipped to anger and it was like standing too close to a fire. I don’t need your help, Alex. What I need is for you to understand that you can’t escape Fate. That everything will be different—it will be better—if you just let Lucian do what needs to be done.
Seth—
And I need you to understand, Alex, if you can, that maybe—just maybe—Lucian actually cares for me, that I’m worth that, and he wants the best for me—for us. Do you think you can do that?
My throat worked on the lump that had formed there. You are worth someone caring about you, but—
But what? His voice snapped fire, daring me to say what he knew I was going to say.
I drew in a stuttered breath. But I can’t do what you’re asking. You are worth it—worth so much—but not Lucian. He’s using you. And it’ll be too late—