“That I wouldn’t know,” I said, grateful I didn’t need to fill in the details to Kevin. “What I do know is what Shay told me. She’s got a new life now and is looking to avoid contact with him, which in my opinion is a good idea. I want to make sure he doesn’t have any access to her. If he does happen to be in the area, I was hoping you could get him into some kind of program.”
“Drew, of course, but Caden has to want help. Forcing it upon him won’t do any good. He has to be ready.”
I knew that but was hoping to keep Shay safe, and that meant keeping her brother away from her as best I could.
“If the opportunity arises, and frankly I hope Caden is in the Bay Area and as far away from Shay as possible, but anything you could do would be appreciated.”
Kevin sighed and I could sense his concern. Dealing with drug addicts wasn’t my area of expertise. I took eighty- and ninety-year-old widows to lunch. It was only since I’d met Shay and reconnected with Kevin that I’d had anything to do with street ministry, other than my time in the seminary.
“Richard has feelers out and is as concerned as I am. If Caden is in the area, then I believe Richard will do everything within his power to find him and steer him to you.”
“He’s definitely our best resource, but it’s a big if, seeing that all Richard has is a name. It isn’t uncommon for men like Caden to change their names, especially if someone like Shooter or law enforcement is looking.”
I agreed. “I have something that will help.” I reached for the photo I had of Caden and handed it to my friend. “Lilly found this when moving Shay into the church apartment. I had a copy made. Richard has one, too.”
Kevin stared at the photo for several moments. “I’ll pass this around the shelters and do what I can.”
“I appreciate it.”
Kevin straightened slowly. I assumed he was getting ready to head for the basketball court. We’d be a few minutes early, but that would give me a chance to warm up.
Instead, Kevin had a question of his own. “So how are you?”
I gauged how close to the truth I should be. The fact was, I was better than I had been but still had a ways to go. Katie’s death had nearly killed my faith in a loving God. For four long years I’d continued to struggle with that question.
Everything had changed for me after I’d met Shay. We’d found each other at exactly the right moment. I believed there were no accidents in life.
“How am I?” I repeated Kevin’s question. “Better, Kevin. Much better, and a lot of that has to do with Shay.”
My closest friend grinned. “I see the changes.”
“The thing is, I’m at a loss as to what to do with my feelings for Shay. She makes me happy. The children love her. But when it comes to romance, I’m all thumbs. You got anything to help me?”
This time Kevin laughed. “Sorry, you’re on your own, but I’m confident you’ll find your way. You did with Katie.”
Being back at work and school made me feel almost human again. My hair was growing back and I could look at myself in the mirror and not cringe. I was beginning to look like myself.
My appearance had changed since I’d been released from prison. It wasn’t the way I wore my hair or that I used a different brand of makeup. No, the changes were internal rather than external. I was happy, happier than I could ever remember being since I’d lost my mother. On top of that, I was falling in love with Drew and his children. Living close to them was wonderful. I saw Sarah nearly every day; I’d been motherless, too, and could identify with her, young as she was. Mark wasn’t as easy to get to know, but we’d bonded over videogames and enjoyed putting together jigsaw puzzles. He wasn’t as keen to share his feelings, but I was fine with that. He was a teenager and still finding his way. I didn’t know if he was so quiet and withdrawn due to the loss of his mother or for some other reason. So although I was tempted, I never plied him with questions, determined to accept him as he was.
True to his word, Drew insisted on driving me to work in the mornings and then Frankie personally escorted me to the bus stop when I’d finished my shift and waited until I was safely on board. For my night classes I was able to catch a ride with one of my fellow students, which worked beautifully.
When I first returned to my regular routine, I lived in constant fear of running into Shooter a second time. If that happened, I didn’t expect to come out of the encounter alive. After the first few days I had an epiphany of sorts. I decided I could either live my life in fear or I could—simply put—live my life. I refused to look over my shoulder or stop before turning every corner to make sure I was safe. I chose instead to breathe easy, and to put my trust in God. It was either that or I would soon be afraid of my own shadow.
That decision made a world of difference in my attitude. Living in the church apartment had been life-changing, too. Drew claimed it was small. Apparently, he’d never seen the inside of my tiny house. The apartment had to be four times the size of my previous living space. At first I didn’t know what I would do with all this room. Gradually I started filling it up with stuff. I’d lived without things for so long that this was sheer joy. When I’d first moved in, I’d wander from room to room amazed and thrilled that this apartment was really mine.
Because I loved my new home and enjoyed living close to Drew and the children, I wanted to prove to his church family that they had made a good investment in me. Getting involved was the one way I could think to reassure the elders and any others who had concerns about me that I was trustworthy. I would never do anything to hurt Drew. I owed him so much. To show my appreciation I volunteered in the nursery once a month, taught a Sunday School class, and signed up to be the coordinator of Vacation Bible School, which was scheduled for late in June. I wanted to join the choir but practice was on Wednesday, a school night.
Saturday morning, I walked down to Pike Place Market, which was one of my favorite places in all of Seattle. The market carried fresh vegetables and fruit. Shopping there was an experience all on its own and I loved it. The walk would do me good.
As I trudged uphill after my shopping excursion, my heart warmed with thoughts of Drew. He’d been wonderful in every way. I was falling for him and I was fairly certain he held strong feelings for me, too. Neither of us had spoken of it, but I knew. How could I not, after all the time he’d spent at the hospital with me?
The frustrating part was that neither of us acted on those feelings. And this lack of physical contact was driving me nuts. We’d only kissed a few times.
Kissed!
We’d come close several times lately but had always been interrupted, either by Mark and Sarah or by someone from the church. It’d happened a dozen times or more since I’d moved into the church apartment. Although he never spoke of it, I knew Drew felt as frustrated as I did. In some unexplainable way, I think we were both a little afraid of what would happen once we spoke openly about what we felt for each other.
I knew it would happen soon, though.
Loaded down with shopping bags, I plodded toward the church. As I started down the walkway to my apartment, I saw Drew walking between the church and the parsonage. Just from the way his shoulders were hunched forward, I knew something had happened. Quickening my pace, I hurried to meet up with him.
“Drew.” I called out his name, but he either didn’t hear me or had chosen to ignore my call.
Undeterred, I half trotted, the bags of groceries bouncing in my arms as I rushed to meet him.
“Drew,” I shouted, louder this time.
He looked up and seemed startled to see me. Right away he stopped and waited for me to join him. Pain was etched across his face.
“Shay.” My name was a tortured whisper.
I hoped he would share whatever had happened that had so clearly upset him. “I tried to catch you, but you didn’t hear me.”
He wiped a hand over his eyes. “Sorry…I’m a bit preoccupied.”
I hesitated, not wanting to pry but at the same time wondering if there was any way I could help. “Anything I can do?” I asked.
He looked as if the weight of the Great Wall of China was balancing on his shoulders. In all the time I’d known Drew, I’d never witnessed a look of devastation in his eyes, not the way I did now.