Drew did his best to disguise a grin without much success.
Everything fell into place then. “You already knew.”
He arched his brows as if this were a game.
“Drew Douglas, not only did you already know, you’re the one who suggested my name, aren’t you?”
Leaning back and crossing his arms, he broke into a full-sized grin. “Not me, Shay. It was Lilly. I’ll confess that she talked to me and Kevin before she made the recommendation and we both thought it was a wonderful idea.”
I put my hand to my mouth and blinked back tears, hardly knowing what to say.
“Are you upset?” he asked, frowning slightly as though worried.
“No, I’m just so grateful.” That the three of them would agree and be willing to recommend me meant the world. Lilly was a good friend, the best, and her faith in me meant the world. We still met nearly every week and spoke frequently on the phone. I’d come to know her family and was grateful for her friendship.
The server came to take our order and we both asked for the seafood salad.
Once the server left the table, I continued with our conversation. “When I first came to Hope Center, Lilly asked me what my dreams were. At the time I was in a dark place and unable to see my way out of this black hole. Any dream I’d ever hoped to have had been destroyed. There was no going back.” I paused when I saw a sad look leak into Drew’s eyes. “That was how I felt at the time. Do you know what Lilly said to me?”
“Tell me,” he urged.
“She said any dream would do. And so I gave her a list of what seemed like impossible dreams that I once had before my life went to hell in a handbasket. And a funny thing started to happen. The longer we talked, the more I felt hope creeping into my heart. It astonished me to learn that all it took was a few discussions with Lilly. My hopes for the future, things I had once set in my mind, dreams that had seemed forever lost, all at once they felt real. Achievable.”
“What are your dreams, Shay?”
I felt a little silly talking to Drew about them. “Mainly I want to build a life and a future with a man who will love and cherish me. I want a home, a family. When I was in school, I enjoyed anything having to do with math. Many of my friends hated math, but I loved working with numbers. They made sense to me; I’ve always wanted a job where I could work with numbers, which made bookkeeping the perfect choice.”
My dreams were simple. What I longed for most were the same things others did, well maybe not the numbers part, but that sense of belonging, of becoming part of a family unit. I yearned to contribute to life, to making a positive difference in the world.
“What about you?” I asked.
Drew brightened and started to talk about his own dreams for the future when we were interrupted by the server who delivered our food. He paused and waited a moment before picking up the conversation again. “Actually, this is probably as good a time as any to mention this.”
That was a curious opening. “Mention what?”
“Saturday, before you arrived, I had a talk with Mark and Sarah about me dating again.”
I was afraid the bite of my salad was going to get stuck halfway down my throat. “Oh?”
“After we’d kissed, I realized I was ready. I hadn’t had any desire to get involved in a relationship, and then there was you and our kiss and all at once I was interested. More than interested.
“I loved my wife and until now the thought of dating, of seeking another life partner, held no appeal. Zilch.” He hesitated, as if he’d said too much. “Shay, I need to tell you, those kisses.” Again he paused as if he didn’t know what more to say. “Wow. They blew me away.”
I looked down but couldn’t hide the happiness that seemed to make my heart swell to twice its normal size. “I felt the same way.”
“I like you, Shay. I mean, I really like you.”
“The feeling is mutual. You have to know that.”
“I’m glad because what I say next might upset you, and that’s the last thing I want.”
This didn’t sound good. Setting aside my fork, I clasped my hands in my lap, waiting.
“My feelings for you are a bit overwhelming and I need to test them.”
“Test them?” I repeated, hardly knowing what to think. “How?” I had a bad feeling about this.
“Until I met you, until we kissed, I had no idea how lonely I’ve been. Spending time with you has been an eye-opener, but I need to know: Is it you? Is it me? Is it us? I need the answer to these questions before I can move forward.”
As far as I could tell, he was talking in circles. “What are you saying, Drew?”
He reached across the table and I gave him my hand. “I’m going to ask a couple other women out. I need to do this for my own peace of mind. That said, I want you to know it’s you I’m attracted to, you who is foremost on my mind. I don’t mean to hurt you. That would devastate me.” His eyes pleaded with me. “Please tell me you understand.”
Surprisingly, I did. Without giving my response too much thought, I said, “I appreciate that you’re being up front about this, Drew. Honesty works best with me.”
“You aren’t upset?”
“No. You’re basically the only man I’ve ever dated.” Shooter was the exact opposite of everything I wanted in a man. “I believe it’s a good idea for us both to see other people, to test this attraction we share. One of the regulars at the café has been asking me out for some time and I keep putting him off.”
“It doesn’t surprise me,” Drew admitted, frowning slightly. “Are you going to accept?”
I nodded. “Given this conversation, yes. It will be good for us both.”
Drew reached for his fork and then set it back down on the table. “Shay, I have to admit the thought of you dating another man isn’t setting right with me.” His shoulders sagged. “I feel like a hypocrite telling you that. It isn’t that I expect you to sit at home and wait while I date other women. That would be grossly unfair.”
“Yes, it would.”
He pressed his palm against his chest. “My heart is pounding so fast right now.”
“Mine is, too. It’s a good thing, Drew. We’re both new to this dating thing. Every relationship I’ve been involved in to this point has been a disaster from start to finish. You’re the first decent man I’ve ever known. Is it you? Is it me? Is it us?” I parroted his words back at him, knowing he would understand.
“When’s your first date with this other guy?” he asked, the lines around his mouth tightening.
“I don’t know. Probably this week sometime.” I wasn’t prepared to tell Drew when I went out with Devon, nor was I eager to hear the details of his dates played back for me.
The salad was a masterpiece of taste and freshness. The seafood was artfully arranged atop the lettuce and I wasn’t about to let it go to waste. I started eating and noticed it took Drew a couple minutes to follow my lead. While Drew might have assumed I’d be upset, I wasn’t. In fact, I felt good about our conversation.
He took a bite and then looked up. “Did I mention how beautiful you look this afternoon?”
“Yes, you did.” He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off me, especially now.
Wanting to change the subject, I asked him about matters involving the church.
“We’re having trouble making budget,” Drew admitted. “It’s always tough after Christmas, but it’s getting better. We need to find a way to make up the shortfall without asking the congregation for more. One of my least favorite tasks as pastor is to preach on giving.”
“Seems to me that’s God’s problem, not yours,” I told him.
Drew gave me the oddest look and then burst out laughing. “You’re right, so right. I’ve been stewing about this for weeks. One of the elders suggested we rent out the apartment that’s in the church basement, but it hasn’t been used in years and is full of storage. I vetoed that idea.” He sighed and looked up heavenward. “All right, God, I’m giving this back to You. This is Your church, not mine, and therefore the budget shortfall is Your problem.”