"I don't want to do anything that would change you, Barbara. And I don't really want to change myself, either."
She could not help herself any longer. "Will you hold me, Stephen? Just hold me? We should be allowed at least that."
He took her in his arms as they sat in the shade beside the river, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
Oh, God, Stephen! I am putting all my love in you. More love than I ever thought I had left in me to give to another man. But...
But...
"Stephen, I have never had an affair with a married man, and will not start now, even for you. I don't even think you want me to, do you?"
He did not answer right away. He held her close, but did not kiss her. Part of her was glad he did not and another part ached for him to kiss her passionately.
After a while, he broke the silence. "I won't force myself on you, nor will I ask you to do anything that would make you ultimately unhappy."
He is strong, she thought, her heart aching, but he also is a man. Love is really more a woman's business than a man's. One of us must be stronger than the other, and that one may have to be me.
"It's getting dark," she said, reluctantly taking herself out of his embrace. "We should take the horses back, and then return to London."
He agreed reluctantly. "I have to report back to Special Services in the morning, and learn where I'll be reassigned."
"And I have an early morning flight to take."
"But we still have tonight," he said hopefully.
Getting up, she almost laughed. "A cold shower may not be enough to keep me out of your arms again. Where can we go tonight where we can be close, and yet not too close, and there would be people around us? A dance hall? We might be too close there. A movie theater?"
He thought he had the answer. "Dinner first. Then there's a concert tonight at Royal Albert Hall. A 'Concert for the Allies.' Members of the London Symphony and refugee musicians from some of the best but now disbanded orchestras in Europe. Two tickets may be hard to get..."
She had known he liked classical music. It made her realize there was probably a lot she did not know about him.
"That sounds safe, for us," she said, "so long as we don't have to share a seat."