"Tim is still at Glenview and well. He misses you and prays for your safety every night.
"I don't know what you want to explain to me about your marriage, but you told me before that you loved your wife.
From your letter I sense you wish there could be a future for us. I do too, but don't see how that's possible."
She wrote a little more, about her work ferrying planes, then added before closing, "Tim's custody will be decided in court soon."
Not knowing how to sign the letter, she merely wrote, "God keep you safe and well. Barbara."
She wanted to write how she really felt; that she was in fact in love with him and wanted to put all her love in him. Because of many conflicts in her heart, she did not write him that. She had already suffered the pain of one hopeless love, with Paul. Could she suffer another? She knew the answer to that: she already was.
Her letters to and from Stephen after that were few and far between, since she never initiated a letter but merely answered his, when they did come. She learned little from his few letters, either about his army life; even less about why he wanted to see her. He kept saying he just could not "explain" about his marriage in a letter. He would have to see her, but that was then impossible because he was overseas and she was in the States.
What could he possibly have to "explain" to me about his marriage that could make any difference? she wondered many times while ferrying planes, alone in the sky with her thoughts. I just don't want to become involved again with someone I can't have. It can only mean more heartache for me. And what about his wife? Anyone Stephen would have chosen for his wife must be a very nice person. Someone I probably would like. I don't know his wife but, to me, it's like with Gail.
I don't think any happiness can come from taking a man away from someone else. With Gail, she was my best friend. With Stephen's wife, she's, well, she's his wife! It might be different if he didn't want to stay married to her. But Stephen says he loves his wife! What's there to "explain" in a situation like that?
Barbara, meanwhile, had seen little of Jackie Cochran during her months in the WAFS. Then she got a phone call and started packing. Her friend invited her to become an instructor at her WFTD flying school in Houston, Texas, training more women to fly planes in noncombat assignments.