Holy shit.
Yeah, he kidnapped Vivian in an attempt to take Ana. He was still fuzzy on the details but he knew Ana would explain everything soon enough. She sighed and tilted her head back against his chest. He didn’t care that each jostle of the horse sent fresh waves of agony rolling over him. The soft feel of her hair tickling against him canceled all that out.
I’m glad he’s dead, brother, but we’ve got some bad shit to deal with. Carmen’s dead.
His chest constricted at Liam’s words. He couldn’t have heard right. Carmen?
Yep. Teresa’s better and was getting worried so she asked me to go looking for her. I found her facedown in the snow near the forest line by the house. She has a puncture wound in her neck. She was poisoned. Same as Alicia.
Who knows about it? Connor asked.
No one yet.
Keep it to yourself until I get back. As his brother’s words sank in, he pulled Ana tighter against him. He didn’t know how the hell he was going to tell her about her sister. Carmen was one of the sweetest wolves he’d ever met. And he knew how much Ana loved her. How much everyone loved her. Shit, shit, shit. He’d sworn to protect her and her packmates and now her sister was dead.
His heart felt like an iron weight in his chest. Ana would never forgive him.
Chapter 20
Ana ignored the insistent knocking on the bathroom door. She knew her mate was in physical pain and Noel was in emotional pain. She didn’t want to deal with any of them right now. It was selfish, yes. She just didn’t care. All she wanted was to curl into a ball and cry until she couldn’t cry anymore. Or just block out the fact that Carmen was … She couldn’t even think the word.
As she sat on the cold tile floor, she leaned back against the cabinet door. The metal knob dug into her back so she pressed harder into it. Not exactly painful but uncomfortable. That’s what she wanted right now. Pain and discomfort to distract from her emotional agony.
When the door flew open, the lid on Ana’s emotions popped off. “Where I come from, when a door’s shut it’s for a reason.”
Connor stood there, his green eyes darkened with pity. She’d bandaged him hours ago, thankful he was alive and ready to celebrate Taggart’s death. Then he’d dropped the bomb about Carmen. She still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. Carmen was gone. Really gone.
“What can I do, Ana?” His voice was soft and that only infuriated her more.
“Get. Out.” She drew up her knees and wrapped her arms around them.
Still in the entryway, he crouched down so he was eye level with her. At least he hadn’t made a move to cross the distance between them. “I’m not going to leave you alone right now.”
“I don’t want to see you or anyone.” Right now her emotions were raw and exposed. Like a live wire lying next to a pool of water. She knew if he stuck around she’d say something she regretted. She wasn’t so far gone in her own agony that she wanted that. But she’d lash out if he stayed. Knew it as well as she knew her name.
“Come on, love. It’s been six hours. You can’t hole up in here anymore.”
“I can do anything I damn well please. And don’t call me love!” Angrily, she swiped at the stray tears lingering on her cheeks.
“Why not?” Again with the soft, soothing voice.
She didn’t want soft right now. “Because it’s bullshit. Everything is bullshit,” she muttered.
“My love for you is real.”
She snorted at his words and still refused to meet his eyes. The floor tiles were more interesting.
That got her a small wave of annoyance from him. Something mean inside her smiled. It wasn’t her animal side. No, this was entirely her human self. She was angry and hurt and she wanted someone else to hurt too. “Your ‘love’ ran away from me fifty years ago.”
“I did it for your own good.”
“My own good? That’s convenient. Maybe you just wanted to sow your wild oats or some other tired cliché.” Even as she said the words she didn’t believe them. Hated herself for trying to drag him down in the gutter with her. He growled deep in his throat, forcing her to look at him. She glared at his flashing green eyes.
“I wasn’t lying when I said your father vowed to banish you.”
“I … I know.” She might be hurting but she knew he hadn’t lied about that, even if she had accused him of being a liar earlier.
He faltered for a moment. “You know now? Or you knew then?”
The questions pissed her off but at least this was better than talking about Carmen. She couldn’t bear that. “Of course I didn’t know then. I thought you’d left because, well … whatever. I just thought you’d left because you didn’t feel the same way about me.”
He sighed and leaned against the doorframe. “What I feel for you …” He laughed harshly. “I can’t even put into words what I feel.”
“How about you try?” Her voice shredded on the last word. She was on the edge of breaking down, but she was starving for his reassurance. For him to take away some of the bleak pain burning in her soul.
“You really want to talk about this now?”
“It’s as good a time as any.”
Connor shook his head and reached out to cup her face between his hands. “I love you, woman. Practically from the moment we met I knew I wanted you. At first I thought it was just physical, but over time … I love everything about you, Ana. Still, I shouldn’t have demanded your submission, and I won’t force you into anything.”
She jerked her head away. “So now you don’t want to mate with me?” She wanted to cry again.
“Yes. No. I do, but … damn it. Don’t put words in my mouth. Of course I want you. Why do you think I wanted you to be my bondmate? I didn’t want you to be able to walk away from me. It was selfish.”
His frustrated tone touched her. Shoved aside some of her pain. She tried to digest his words but something else erupted inside her. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she snapped. “So that’s why all those years ago you left without talking to me? Without asking me what I wanted?”
“I had no pack, not much money. Enough to live on but you deserved better than that. Better than me. My father shamed us when he let our entire pack die like that. What could I have offered you? Not a stable home or pack life like you deserved. Eventually you would have resented me for taking you away from everything you knew and loved. I was doing what I thought was best.”
“Exactly. What you thought was best. Just like you’ve been doing since you got here. Is that what our relationship is going to be like?”
“I’m willing to admit that I should have invited you to some of the meetings, but I’m your Alpha. When I make a decision, it’s for the good of this pack.”
She snorted loudly.
“You doubt me?”
“You left me without asking what I wanted. And you went after those humans for revenge.”
He growled at her, the sound deep and angry. “I went after those assholes because it was the right thing to do. Do you think I should have forced you to choose between your family and me? Look at how much Carmen’s death is—”
She let out a scream and threw herself at him. He didn’t fight as she tackled him to the ground. Straddling him, she pounded against his chest. “Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say the word.”
Grabbing her wrists, he twisted and in a few short moves had her pinned beneath him. “Your sister is dead and I’m sorry. I can only imagine how much this is tearing you up, and if I could I’d take away all your pain. But as far as what happened fifty years ago, I’d do the same thing again. I loved you too much to make you choose between your family and me. But I’m not leaving again. Whatever you think about me, you better believe that. Whether you agree to be my bondmate or not. I’m not leaving. Ever.”
His words washed away her anger. He did love her. Maybe she was the one who didn’t deserve him. She couldn’t even say the words. She was afraid if she did, she’d lose him too. Unbidden tears streamed down her face. First as a trickle, then a waterfall. She couldn’t see. Could barely breathe. As she tried to catch her breath, she was aware of Connor smoothing her hair out of her face, then lifting her.
He scooped her up; then suddenly she wasn’t on the hard ground but a soft bed.
“You shouldn’t be lifting me.” His wounds hadn’t been as bad as she’d originally thought and in a few more hours he would be almost healed, but she didn’t want him straining.
“Shh.” He pulled her back tight against his chest and continued murmuring consoling words to her. She could barely comprehend what he was saying; she just knew the words were said with love.
In that moment, she knew that if he’d asked her to mate with him fifty years ago, she’d have gone with him. Without a doubt.
Chapter 21
Two Days Later
“How’s Ana doing?” Liam asked as he set his coffee cup on the table.
Connor shrugged because he wasn’t sure. “She’s mainly slept the past couple days. After the ceremony for Carmen, she—”
He stopped when Noel walked into the kitchen. She had the same hollow look as Ana. Her unique amber eyes were dull and listless. She looked at them for a brief moment, then stumbled toward the coffeepot. Wordlessly she filled a mug, then left the room.
That’s how it had been around the entire ranch since Wednesday. Taggart was dead, and even though that threat was eliminated, there was so much sorrow surrounding everyone.
Connor scrubbed a hand over his face. So far no one else had gotten sick, and Teresa was almost healed now. It didn’t matter, though. They’d lost two of their youngest pack members. Not just the youngest, but the kindest.
“I called the hospital.” Liam’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“And?”
“And the reason Dr. Graham hasn’t been by is because he’s been working overtime. Apparently they had a bunch of overdoses that were brought into the ER last night.”