All day we fought our way through the deep snow. My respect for Trent already being considerable, only deepened at the Herculean effort he was putting out to break track for me and Deshavi. My granddaughter was likewise impressing me, but I wasn't impressing myself at all. I was struggling to hold it together and keep putting one foot forward after the other.
I had to be strong for this young couple, but all I felt was a deep-seated weariness that seemed to eat away at what little strength of resolve I had left. I was about all done in, but they were many miles yet to go before my Deshavi was safe and I wanted to see her happy again.
Silently, I railed against the God of Heaven and Earth. Why had it come to this? Was my whole life to be consumed by bitterness? Was all my strength to be poured out on wasted endeavors? Where in this twisted maze of life that I had walked through, having to stumble my way, was there hope to be found that things would ever get any better?
When I found joy it was taken from me. When I found peace it was only to watch it be destroyed. When I found hope it was only to see it crushed.
I'm only a weak mortal combination of dust and breathe Lord!
Why must my short days be consumed by sorrows? Where are Your promises? I have been faithful!
So why haven't You?
A warm breeze touched my cheek and I stopped in the snow that was up to my waist now, already regretting my accusatory tone towards my Creator. Why was it when things got bad all faith seemed to fail and one turned into a whining ungrateful brat? I was such a failure! As a man of faith. As a father and now as a grandfather. Perhaps it was time to die. What had Job's wife advised him to do, 'curse God and die.'
I couldn't bring myself to do that. I knew better than that. I may not be happy with the sum total of my life's achievements and experiences, but it wasn't God's fault.
Neither Trent or Deshavi had noticed that I no longer followed them. The warm breeze touched my cheek again. I was losing my touch on reality. I glanced down and I realized that at some point, I had fallen to my knees weighed down by my heavy pack and the sorrows of my life, not to mention my cursed old age!
Deshavi's fingers were at my face and I looked up into her worried eyes. She was saying something, but her words seemed to be coming from far away. Trent was pulling my pack off, when I felt that warm breeze again. It wouldn't be long now.