My cheeks heat up as a smile forms on my lips. I’m not used to having anyone talk to me like Beau does, but I like it. He’s always taken care of me, and I know that our first time won’t be any different.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, running his tongue over his upper lip.
“You.”
“Yeah? What about me?” His voice is deeper than it was just seconds ago. It’s moments like this that make it almost impossible to wait. I don’t care if we’re in a dorm room. As long as I’m with him, it’ll be special. We could be anywhere, doing anything, and it would be perfect.
“I can’t wait to have my legs wrapped around you,” I whisper, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.
His eyes are filled with lust as he stares at me. “If you keep talking like that, we might not leave this room tonight,” he says, pulling me a little closer.
“Maybe that’s what I want.”
He leans in so close I feel his warm breath against my lips, and just when I think he’s going to kiss me, he stops. “You have no idea how much I want that, but not here. I don’t want to worry about someone walking in on us because, baby, when I’m finally inside of you, I’m taking it nice and slow,” he whispers in my ear.
My heart skips a beat … or two … and before I can reply, he kisses my cheek. “Let’s go,” he says, grabbing my hand.
I follow closely behind him, my fingers laced with his. I notice girls looking at him as we walk past, but I don’t feel an ounce of jealousy; I feel grateful. Beau could really have any girl he wants, but for some reason he waited for me. He’s cute, but he’s too boy-next-door for Calvin Klein yet just edgy enough to keep the girls salivating.
And he’s all mine.
When we reach his old truck, he stops next to the passenger side door and opens it for me. I use the running board to get in, but once I reach for the seatbelt, Beau places his hand over mine. “If at any point tonight you want to leave, I want you to tell me.”
Even though I run deeper than the ocean, his eyes see right through me. He sees my struggle, and I wonder what things would have been like if I had told him about Drew right away. There’s fear in shame, and I wasted more than two years on a fear that shouldn’t have ever been there in the first place.
“And stay near me,” he adds, pulling the buckle around my waist to fasten it.
I nod, a knot forming in my stomach.
Just as I’m about to tell him I changed my mind about going, he says, “Hey, put that smile back on your pretty face. There’s going to be a lot of people there tonight, and I just want to make sure we don’t get separated.” He removes his hand from the buckle, brushing his fingers against my leg as he stands. After he closes the door, I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes, taking a few deep breaths before he climbs into the driver’s side.
Fear is life’s worst enemy. I was happy before Drew raped me. I was living my life like most teenagers. I thought I was invincible; nothing bad was ever going to happen to me.
I’ve conquered some of my fears—thanks to Asher’s help—and I continue to move forward, but now I’m scared that something will happen, causing all of my fears to come back. Every day I push myself to become stronger and getting through tonight will give me added strength.
Beau’s hand wraps around mine. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I want to know everything about you,” he says, squeezing my hand tightly.
Turning my head, I stare at his silhouette. “Do you fear anything?”
His eyes briefly meet mine before he focuses back on the road. “I guess the only things I really fear are losing you or someone else close to me. There are lots of things I think a person can overcome, but certain people in our lives aren’t replaceable.”
“That’s why you are the way you are.”
“What do you mean by that?” he asks, glancing in my direction again.
“You’re usually happy,” I reply.
“I am happy. I’m happier than I think I’ve ever been,” he says, slowing down at a stop sign. “Are you happy?” I can tell by the tone of his voice that I’m starting to put him on edge.
“Fear keeps people from doing things they want to do, and when they aren’t doing what they want to do, they’re not as happy as they could be.” Of course I’m talking about myself.
“Anything you want to do … I’ll do it with you,” he says, pulling up next to the curb. He puts the car in park, and turns it off, before quickly undoing his seatbelt. My heart races as he slides to the middle and uses the tip of his finger to sweep a few loose pieces of hair from my forehead. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, his face so close I can feel his warm breath against my cheek.
“I guess I just got lost somewhere in my thoughts,” I whisper, leaning forward to softly kiss his lips.
“You need to clear that mind of yours every once and a while,” he says against my lips. “Maybe we should go face one of those fears right now?”
Taking a deep cleansing breath, I say, “Yeah, let’s do this.” Smiling, I turn to open my door and climb out. Beau is right behind me, scooting the rest of the way out the passenger side door. He smiles back at me as he stands and kisses my forehead. The smile is still there as he entwines our fingers and leads me to the front door of the frat house. I focus on the perfect fit of his hand in mine and let all my fears go. With him, I can do this.
When we reach the front of the house, there are several people standing outside the door, talking and laughing. No one even turns to look in our direction.
As Beau opens the door, my stomach ties in knots again. I don’t know what hit me first, the smell of beer or the noise, but I wrap my arm around Beau’s to stay close. The living room is so packed with people that it’s almost impossible to walk through. Older miss-matching furniture lines the room, but every spot is taken, some by a group of guys joking and having a good time and others by couples who can’t keep their hands off one another. All I want to do is find a spot that’s a little less crowded so I can relax.
“Should we find Rachel and Cory?” I ask, trying to not sound too awkward.
“Let’s go get a drink first.”
I pull on his arm, forcing him to stop. “I don’t drink.”
“Then I won’t either,” he says, moving us forward again.
I try to stop him to let him know I’m okay if he wants to drink, but the room is too loud for him to hear me. We weave our way into the kitchen, and he opens a large blue cooler, pulling out two bottles of water. As he hands one to me, a soft moan comes from behind us. I look back to see Rachel sitting on top of the counter with Cory standing between her legs, his head buried in her neck. It doesn’t feel right to watch, but I can’t peel my eyes away. When she finally opens her eyes, she smiles when she notices I’m staring.
“You guys made it,” she says, startling Cory. He spins around, keeping his hand on Rachel’s thigh.
“Sorry to interrupt,” I say shyly.
A huge grin appears on Cory’s face, a sign that he’s up to nothing but trouble. “There’s plenty of space on the counter if you want to pull up a seat. Beau’s been a little edgy. Maybe you should take care of that.”
“Cory,” Rachel warns, pulling on the back of his t-shirt.
“You’re such an asshole. Besides, I have more respect for my girl than to take her in the kitchen of a frat house,” Beau adds, sounding peeved. I know he hates the way Cory treats Rachel sometimes, but Rachel doesn’t seem to think much of it so I let it go. She certainly seems to be enjoying herself tonight.
“Oh, come on, Beau, don’t tell me you didn’t mess around at a couple of these parties last year. Don’t even try to pull the saint routine right now.” Cory’s jaw works back and forth as he waits for Beau to react.
I don’t know if I count for anything in this, but I hate that Cory brought up the past. I don’t want to think about what Beau was doing last year, just as much as he doesn’t want to think about what I was doing.
Beau’s reply is simple. “Kate isn’t one of those girls.”
“Right,” Cory says, obviously irritated. “Well, if you’re not going to join us, maybe you should leave so I can get back to my girl.”
Beau and Cory stare at each other for a few seconds before he puts his hand on my back and whispers in my ear. “What do you want to do?”
I notice two steps leading down to the back door and start walking. We just got inside, but my cheeks feel hot and the cold winter air will quickly solve that problem.
“Where are we going?” Beau asks, tugging on my hand.
“Outside.”
“It too f**king cold outside, baby,” he whines, brushing our joined hands against my back.
“I can keep you warm,” I say, leading us out the back door. I don’t miss the smirk on his face. I knew that would be enough to convince him.
As soon as we step outside, he walks us so my back is against the brick exterior, and his body shadows the front of mine. “To shield you from the wind,” he says as he starts to kiss along my jaw.
I wrap my arms around his neck, needing to feel his warmth and desperate to continue what we started earlier. His lips continue to warm my skin as his body presses into mine. I close my eyes and bite my lip, anxious to feel his lips on mine. I finally get what I’ve been waiting for as I step up on my toes and his mouth links with mine, warming my body from the inside out.
“Do you want me to stop,” he whispers against my lips.
I shake my head. “Don’t stop.”
“This is a nice way to keep warm,” he says right before his lips come crashing down on mine again. Things heat up quickly this time as his hands inch to the back of my thighs to pull me up. My legs wrap around his waist as his tongue slips between my lips. Whenever we get to this point where things are getting intense, all I want to do is rip his clothes off. Maybe it’s because we held back for so long. Maybe it’s because Beau is so intense. Whatever it is, it’s all I feel right now.