The pure experience of Tessa hearing him speak of her that way makes me fucking ecstatic. This is what I’ve been warning her of all along: He has never been the sweet, innocent man she was manipulated into thinking he was.
Granted, I do know that he has some feelings for her—I’m not completely blind to that—but his intentions were never pure. He just proved that to her, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m a selfish bastard, but I never claimed otherwise.
Without another word, Zed walks out the front door and into the rain. Headlights flash through the front windows as he peels off and disappears down the street.
“HARDIN?” TESSA’S VOICE IS SOFT and laced with exhaustion. We’ve been in the backseat of this cab for almost an hour without a single word between the two of us.
“Yeah?” My voice breaks and I clear my throat.
“Who’s Samantha?”
I have been waiting for her to ask this question since we pulled away from her mum’s house. I could lie to her, I could make up a bullshit story to make Zed look like the piece of shit he is, or I could be honest for once.
“She’s a girl who had an internship at Vance. I fucked her while she was dating Zed.” I decide not to lie, but regret the harsh words when Tessa flinches. “Sorry, I just want to be honest,” I add in an attempt to soften the words.
“You knew she was his girlfriend when you slept with her?” She stares straight into me in that way only she can.
“Yeah, I knew. That’s why I did it.” I shrug, ignoring the pinch of remorse threatening to surface.
“Why?” Her eyes search mine for a decent answer, but I don’t have one. I only have the truth. The filthy, fucked-up truth.
“I have no excuse, it was just a game for me.” I sigh, wishing I weren’t such a piece of shit. Not for Zed’s sake, or Samantha’s, but for this beautiful, sweet girl who even now doesn’t have a hint of judgment in her eyes as she looks at me, waiting for further explanation.
“You forget that I wasn’t the same before I met you. I was nothing like the man you know. Well, I know you think I’m fucked-up now, but trust me, you would hate me even more if you knew me then.” I look away from her and out the window. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you really have helped me so much, you’ve given me a purpose, Tess.”
I hear her sharp exhale of breath and I cringe at the thought of how my words must sound. Pathetic and insincere, I’m sure.
“And what’s that purpose?” she asks timidly in the sudden stillness of the night.
“I’m still trying to figure that out. But I will figure it out, so please try and stick around long enough for me to find the answer?”
She looks at me but stays quiet.
I’m thankful for that, I don’t think I could handle her rejection right now. I turn my head and look out into the black-black darkness of the landscape around us and am glad that nothing final and devastating came from her mouth.
Chapter thirty-nine
TESSA
I wake up to arms wrapping around my waist as I’m lifted out of the car. The white light on top of the cab reminds me of the night I’ve had. I take in my surroundings, panicking for a moment before realizing that we are in Ken’s driveway, not, not . . .
“I would never take you back there,” Hardin says into my ear, knowing exactly what I would worry about before the thought can even gel in my mind.
I don’t protest as Hardin carries me up the driveway and into the house. Karen is awake, sitting in a chair by the window, a recipe book in her lap. Hardin places me on my feet, and I feel a little wobbly.
Karen stands, walking across the room to hug me. “What can I get you, dear? I made some caramel cakes; you’ll love them.” She smiles and wraps a warm hand around mine, leading me toward the kitchen without a peep from Hardin.
“I’ll take your bag upstairs,” I hear him say.
“Is Landon asleep?” I ask his mother.
“I think so, but I’m sure he won’t mind if you wake him. It’s still early.” Karen smiles and places a small, caramel-topped cake on a plate before I can stop her.
“No, it’s okay. I can see him tomorrow.”
Landon’s mother’s eyes are on me, soft with her familiar tenderness. Her fingers are nervously twisting her wedding ring on her thin finger. “I know this is terrible timing, and I’m so sorry, but I wanted to talk to you about something.” Her warm brown eyes flash with concern and she waves for me to take a bite of the dessert as she pours two glasses of milk.
I nod for her to continue, my mouth full of the delicious cake. I couldn’t eat earlier—I was too overwhelmed, and the day has been too long. I reach for another slice.
“I know you have so much going on already, so if you want me to leave you be, just tell me. I promise I understand, but I would really like your opinion on something.”
I give her another nod, enjoying the dessert.
“It’s about Hardin and Ken.”
My eyes go wide, and immediately I start choking on the cake and reach for the milk. Does she know? Has Hardin said something?
Karen pats my back while I drink the cold milk down, rubbing in circles as she continues, “Ken’s so happy that Hardin has finally started to tolerate him. It makes him so happy that he is finally building a relationship with his son; it’s something he’s always wanted. Hardin is his biggest regret, and it hurt me for years seeing him that way. I know he’s made his mistakes—many, many mistakes—and I am in no way making excuses for those mistakes.” Her eyes fill with tears, and she dabs at the corners with her fingers. “Sorry,” she says with a smile. “I’m a mess.”