“I don’t know what to do, Mom,” I say, not listening to her reasoning.
“What do you mean, what to do?” she questions carefully.
“You know what I mean, Mom.”
“No, I don’t, Holly.”
“Well, if I’m going to keep it or not,” I explain and hear her suck in a breath at my confession.
“Holly, you know I love you and I’ll support you through anything you decide, but I really think you need to take a breather first. I want you to think this through. You need to discuss this with him.”
“I know. I’m just so confused.”
“And I get that, I do, but don’t make any decisions just yet, okay?” she pleads.
“Okay, I won’t,” I tell her, knowing I need more time.
“Have you told Kadence?” she asks and I cringe. Oh, shit, how am I going to tell her?
“Not yet. I pretty much just threw up in the doctor’s office and flew out of there. I don’t know how I’m going to tell her,” I admit, knowing that’s a copout. She will ask questions I’m not ready to answer.
“Let’s do lunch, tomorrow.”
“That would be good, Mom.”
“Okay, darling. I’ll call you in the morning to see how you’re feeling. I remember when I was pregnant with you. You made me bring up my breakfast for twelve weeks,” she laughs and her voice gets that soft wispy sound it always does when she talks about my brother and me as children. Instantly, my hand goes to my stomach.
“I love you, Mom,” I whisper, wondering if I could ever be as good a mom as her.
“I love you, too,” she says before hanging up.
Taking a deep breath, I rest my head on the steering wheel as the pamphlets the doctor gave me sit heavily on my lap.
What am I going to do? I need to tell Sy before making my decision. I could never keep this from him. The thought alone has my head out the door of the car, heaving up the rest of my stomach’s contents.
He might not be okay with it, but I can’t make this decision alone.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Sy
“Hey, Sy.” Tina walks up to me, her tits falling out of her top. I don’t know what her game is, but I’ve shot her down already tonight. The bitch is clutching at straws. Yeah, I’ve fucked her once in the past, but since Holly walked into my shop, I haven’t been able to sort my shit out. “What are you doing all the way over here?” she asks, sitting her ass down on my bent knee.
“Tina, fuck off,” I say, not in the mood for club pussy. I’m pissed. I can’t get my head around a certain blonde woman. Tina pouts, but knows I’m serious when I nudge her off my knee. Bitch should know not to fucking touch me. She rises in a huff, pissed she’s not getting what she wants and stalks back inside.
“That wasn’t nice,” Jesse says from behind me.
“Don’t give a fuck.”
“Yeah, we all know that,” he laughs, finding the whole thing funny.
“What do you want, Jesse?”
“Just checking in with you, brother,” he says, taking a seat.
“I thought you were on Kadence watch tonight?” I ask, trying to keep up with everything going on in the club. After the club barbecue two weeks ago, shit went down between Nix and his ex-wife, Addison. The blowout happened right after I finger fucked Holly in the hallway. I knew I fucked up when I saw the look of disgust on her face after what I said to her, but I couldn’t go to her. Nix needed me more as Addison went at Kadence and Z. Everyone left soon after the drama, and by the time I was able to talk, she had gone.
“Nah, Brooks is on,” he says, kicking back, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I’m on tomorrow. You?”
“Tomorrow night,” I tell him, hoping like fuck Nix gets his ass home soon. If I could avoid this shit, I would.
“So, Holly,” Jesse smiles and my body tenses at her name. He laughs when he gets a reaction out of me. “What’s the deal?”
“No fucking deal.” I act indifferent while inside my body is humming at the sound of her name.
“Didn’t look like no deal when you were finger fucking her last time she was here,” he jokes and I move fast, bringing him up by the scruff of his shirt, and banging him back up against the wall.
“You didn’t see anything, asshole,” I threaten, feeling a fierce protectiveness over Holly and what the fucker is saying.
“Okay, okay. Calm down,” he says, still smiling. “Jesus, Sy. You’re a fucking goner.” He shakes his head watching me come down from my freak-out.
I stand for a few minutes taking in his words. I don’t want to admit it, but he’s right. I’m fucked. The woman has had my head messed up for the good part of a month and a half now. I’m completely lost and have no fucking clue how to react to it.
“Shut up,” I finally respond, sitting back down.
“You’re not going to get very far with that attitude,” he puts in, giving me his opinion.
“I don’t need to get very far, Jesse. I’m not fucking interested,” I lie. I’ve been lost in the same lie for the last few weeks. I am interested and fuck me if that ain’t the worst truth ever.
“Keep telling yourself that. When you need help, come see me.”
“I won’t be coming to you for advice,” I scoff.
“Why not?” he asks, sounding offended. I simply look at him. The man is a player. I can never see him settling down. Besides, I’m not looking to settle down, but he’s right. Holly does have me twisted, but that’s all there is to it. Right?