"It was you that destroyed my family! Everything that's gone forever and that has happened since is because of you, isn't it?" I cried out, giving her a violent shake.
She nodded even as a single tear welled out of the corner of her eye and slid down her cheek. As the tear touched the skin of my hand and dissipated across it so did some of my anger. 'She deserves to die, and pay for what she has done!' Came the angry thought coursing through me as I suddenly felt resistance to killing her.
My hands tightened further around her throat as I asked, "Tell me why I shouldn't end your worthless life here and now?"
"The children!" She responded half choking, which caused me to see that I was practically strangling her to death.
I loosened my grip some and she gasped for air. Sensing that it was somehow wrong to kill her in cold blood I stepped back disgusted at myself and puzzled at her answer as well.
"The children? What about these children?" I asked roughly.
Moving to a chair in the room she sat somewhat stiffly down onto it, as she felt at her throat with a hand.
"You were saying about the children?" I restated testily.
Looking back up at me she began, "After your father refused all of my advances I felt gravely insulted. I was young then and full of myself. I made up my mind to kill him and the woman that he had chosen over me. If he wasn't going to be mine, he wasn't going to be anyone's. You've seen this place and the living filth of its occupants! I loved it and all its unseemly passions with all my heart."
I looked condemningly down at her, seeing through her words what had brought the end of all that I had held dear in life.
Crying softly she continued, "Which explains why I sacrificed two of my own children to the gods of this land. I did it myself, with these two hands! Do you know how real a curse can be? I only became aware of the curse my life had become after I ordered your father's death and received back word of its completion. Instead of joy at the news all I felt was a crushing emptiness. I threw myself into the acts of selfish indulgence that this place has to offer, but there was no joy in any of it. No peace! I became self aware for the first time in my life of just how meaningless my existence had become. I looked at everything that I had done and I was overwhelmed by the grotesque monster that I had become. I couldn't stand it! The willful slaughter of my own babies and your family haunted me day and night. I made up my mind to end it all. I went to one of the high balconies of the temple. I was balanced on the railing of the balcony ready to jump when a warm breeze blew the scent of a nearby flower to me. The smell of the flower overwhelmed me with its fragrance. It was the first thing I had truly sensed in the weeks of grayness and internal misery I had been going through. It got my attention like nothing else had. It reminded me of the sweetness of spirit that I had lost. When you live as I had done you find out very quickly that there are powers that go unseen in this world. There is evil. This place is a place dedicated to the worship of that evil. The dark spirits of this place dominate the people within it. They revel at our carnality and our lustful desires. They feed off our foolish sins and encourage the people of this place to greater extremes of depravity. Why do we do this? Why do we serve such dark masters? Theses dark spirits create nothing but havoc and suffering wherever they go. The seeds of impurity spill out of this place and others like it and infect all that surrounds it. As everything is reduced to self expression and selfish desires, kindness of spirit is lost and the only love remaining is love of self. I was an instrument of theirs. I allowed myself to be used by them to do unspeakable things. All this was made real to me, as I smelled the created purity of the flower's scent. There was no hope left in me that anything could ever redeem what I had lost, until that flower reminded me that there is a Creator. A Creator that made everything to be good. It was I that chose to use my beauty for my own selfish whims. It was I that made what was beautiful into a thing to be loathed. The smell of the flower let me know just how far I had fallen from the good creation I was created to be and I was about to jump, when a man's hand appeared beside me as I stood on the railing. He asked me if I would like to step down. I asked him who he was because I had never seen him before and he did not look like a man who would frequent a place like the temple. He smiled and said, 'I am the Son of the Creator and I would like you to look at that flower over there a little closer.' I don't know why, but I took His hand and let Him help me down. I followed the aroma to the actual flower and I was surprised. It was a single little blossom on a vine that was gnarled and almost broken off in places. I had assumed that the aroma was from the flowers planted by the temple gardeners as there are many flowers around the temple, but none had I smelled for weeks except for this one. The vine clung precariously to the granite of a temple pillar. It wasn't planted in the fertile ground of the courts below, but it sprang out of a crack near the top of the pillar. The flower was the only one on the vine and it was small, but it was beautiful. I leaned closer to look at it and smell it once more. Peering into the flower the colors faded and were replaced with a reflection of my own face. Drawing back startled I turned to the man, who I hadn't noticed standing there. 'What is this?' 'Treorna, the flower and the vine represent your life.' He had replied. 'You have rooted your life in a precarious spot and the paths you have taken and the decisions you have made have hurt you severely, but yet you are very precious and not something to be cast away. Won't you change your path and follow Me and let Me plant you in a sure place and give you the nourishment needed to grow and flourish into who you were created to be?' He had asked kindly. 'Me?' I asked unbelievingly. 'Yes.' 'But I'm filthy and I've done things! Unspeakable things! How can You want me after the things I've done?' Looking at me He said, "What you have said is true. You are guilty of much and deserve death, but I offer you life. Follow Me and forsake your past deeds and do them no more and I will forgive you and give you a new future. One that will last for forever."