“She told us what happened to you, Ben.” River spoke up, her voice deep and low. Apparently she’d cast aside her doubts as to whether I really was present. She looked around the room, uncertain where to focus her gaze as she continued, “She told us that you sacrificed yourself to prevent the Elders’ uprising, and she told us… what you are now.” Her voice went quieter still. “She told us how you saved me from hunters.” She stopped, her throat clogging up.
Her voice slashed my heart like a knife.
By now Hortencia had resumed her seat on the stool, and I moved next to her.
“Will you tell them that I’m standing right next to you, on your right side?” I said to the oracle.
Hortencia jabbed a finger at me, and said, “He wants you to know that he is standing next to me.”
My mother, sister and River’s eyes shot toward my direction and, if I’d possessed insides, they would’ve squirmed. It was a bitter reminder of how lost I’d become, how out of touch. This was the closest I’d come to real-life contact with them in what felt like forever. How I wished that they could actually see me the way I saw them.
I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to say to them. I realized that I felt grateful to the oracle for having revealed everything beforehand, saving me the pain of having to do it myself.
It didn’t seem that there was much more to be said about what had happened to me. Now I just felt a burning urge to comfort them somehow.
I left Hortencia’s side and approached my mother, who sat nearest to me. Bending down, I kissed her cheek. I was about to request Hortencia to inform my mother that I was inches from her when, apparently sensing my desire, she blew out a sigh of impatience and revealed it herself.
“Mother of the dead, he has just kissed your cheek,” she said, her tone infused with boredom.
Mother of the dead. I glared daggers at Hortencia. It was ironic, for all her infinite sensitivity to the universe, how insensitive she could be to the feelings of those around her.
My mother raised a hand in the air, which passed right through my chest.
“Ben,” she whispered. “I love you, Ben. And—” She drew in a heavy breath as her voice cracked. “I need you to know how proud I am of you.”
I placed my translucent hands around her hand and planted a kiss over her knuckles. “I love you too, Mom.”
“He repeats that he loves you,” Hortencia murmured to my mother.
Next I moved to my sister, and dipping down, kissed her cheek too. My twin. I gazed down upon her pretty, innocent face—or should I have said deceptively innocent, after her recent misadventures. It felt like I had grown so far apart from Rose. We had been practically inseparable as children and recently—even when I was still alive—we’d been away from each other for so long that it almost felt like our connection was fading. We didn’t share the same uncanny mental connection that my father and aunt had… at least, neither of us had experienced it yet.
“Hortencia, please tell Rose that I’m next to her now.”
As the oracle did, tears flowed more heavily down Rose’s cheeks. “Dammit, Ben,” she croaked. “You don’t know how much I miss you.”
“I know,” I replied. “I know.” Replying that I missed her too felt almost redundant. Of course she’d know that I missed her just as much.
I remained gazing into my sister’s face for several moments before finally moving to River. My heart ripped as my love’s gaze turned upward, as though already expecting that I was moving on to her. Her turquoise eyes… they fixed so near to where mine were. I lowered myself a little, so that I could be looking directly at her.
“Tell River I’m looking into her eyes.”
The oracle blew out sharply. “My patience wears thinner than a ghoul’s skin. You have five more minutes in my abode, the lot of you. These ladies have already eaten into too much of my precious time.”
Five more minutes.
“Tell her,” I urged the oracle.
“Your ex-lover is peeping at you now, half-blood,” Hortencia said, her voice monotone.
Ex-lover. I wanted to swear at the woman.
Finally, the tears that had been welling for so long behind River’s eyes overflowed like a dam breaking and streamed in rivers down her cheeks. She bit down hard on her lower lip as she continued to stare determinedly at me.
Moving closer, I moved my lips over her forehead, then her nose, then her lips.
“We need you back, Ben,” she said hoarsely. Her voice dropped quieter. “I need you back.” As more tears spilled, she reached up to brush them away roughly with the back of her hand, though they were instantly replaced by more.
What could I say to her? That I would come back? That I would find a way?
“I’m trying, River,” I said, my own voice close to breaking. “I promise you, I’m trying.”
The oracle let out a wild cackle. “No, you’re not!” she shrieked.
I whirled around to face her, baffled.
“What?”
“Don’t try to fool the girl that you’re trying. You’re not trying. You’re simply wandering.”
If I was still a vampire, my hands would have been twitching to wring her neck.
Her words made my ego flare. What else could a person be doing in my position that I hadn’t already done? That I wasn’t already doing? What more could I possibly do? Dammit, I wasn’t all-seeing like her. All-seeing and all-useless.