* * *
Clara stood with her back against the door as she sorted out her feelings. Her heart had leaped at his invite. Oh, to go to church, sing with others, have her faith renewed and strengthened.
To accompany Blue on the half-hour ride to the ranch for the service... Well, wouldn’t it be great to feel safe for just a little while? Her nerves had twitched with fear all afternoon. There were too many people coming and going to the store. How was she to know if one of them looked for her?
Despite the hunger of her soul, she couldn’t go with Blue. What if Petey came, and she missed her ride? She dared not risk that. Today had made one thing clear: she would never feel safe in Edendale.
Besides, she had no business looking to Blue to make her feel safe. She had to prove she could take care of herself. Not only to prevent her father from taking the girls from her but for her own peace of mind. Otherwise, Father’s doubts about her ability would always have a stronghold on her thoughts.
“Mama?” Eleanor sounded worried. “Is something wrong? What did Mr. Blue want?”
She wouldn’t tell the children about the invitation to church. Instead, she thought about another service—the Christmas service in their new home in Fort Calgary. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they could make it in time for Christmas? “Just to make sure we were okay seeing as we didn’t go over for supper.”
“Oh. What did you tell him?”
“I said we were fine.”
“Oh.” Eleanor didn’t sound convinced. Libby, she noticed, looked equally doubtful.
“We are, my girls. Hasn’t God always taken care of us?” She’d have to trust Him completely tomorrow when Blue went to the ranch. She’d be alone.
Of course she would be, and she could handle it. Wasn’t that the whole point of striking out on her own? She hadn’t forgotten her goal. She would not be afraid. The Lord is my shepherd. But she admitted she would miss his company.
“Now let’s get your hair dried so you can go to bed.” She sat on a chair before the stove, pulled Libby to her lap and brushed her fair hair to speed its drying.
“Tomorrow is Sunday, isn’t it?” Eleanor’s voice filled with concern.
“Yes.”
“Are we going to have church in the church?”
“It isn’t really open yet.” Eleanor’s question gave her an idea. “We could have our own service there, though. Wouldn’t that be fun?” She injected as much excitement into her voice as she could manage. Just the three of them wouldn’t give her the same satisfaction, but she’d make it fun for their sake.
“I guess,” Eleanor said.
“Will Mr. Blue be there?” Libby asked.
“I think he has other plans.”
Libby bounced from her lap to face her. “Like what?”
“Libby, he can come and go without our permission.” Sometimes her daughter’s strong emotions frightened her. She wished she could have prevented Libby from growing so attached to Blue. “He has a life that doesn’t include us.”
Libby’s bottom lip came out. Her eyes flashed denial and then filled with tears.
Clara pulled her back on her lap. “Libby, you knew that all along.” Clara reached for Eleanor and pulled her to her other knee. She held them close. “We all knew that.”
Libby sobbed softly, and Eleanor clung to Clara. Clara rocked them and hummed. “Soon we’ll find a place where we can settle down and have a home again.”
The girls quieted.
“For Christmas, right?” Libby demanded.
“I hope and pray so.” Clara could promise them no more.
“I wish it could be here,” Eleanor whispered.
Clara nodded. “I know you do, but it can’t.” Today had reinforced that fact in her mind. Every time someone rode into town, she would fear it was someone looking for her. Fort Calgary was farther north, less settled. Surely it would be less inhabited. If she understood correctly, the man she hoped to work for lived on a farm. Perhaps, God willing, it was far enough from the fort she could remain unnoticed.
She finally got the girls’ hair dried and tucked them into bed. They didn’t whisper or giggle. In fact, they seemed subdued, convincing her she needed to get them settled in a new home as soon as possible.