It was her turn to look deep into his eyes and see the truth. And his uncertainty.
“I don’t know.” He spoke softly. “I tried so hard to get Gordie to break away from Vic, but I failed over and over.”
Seeing his hurt, she slipped her mittened hand up to his face and cupped his cheek just as he did hers. “He would not listen to anyone when it came to Vic, so don’t blame yourself.”
“Maybe if I’d stayed.”
“You left so you wouldn’t have to witness Gordie’s involvement with Vic?”
“Of course. Why else would I leave?”
She shrugged. She tried to break from his gaze, lest he read her thoughts. “I don’t know. I never did.”
He dropped his hand to his side. “You thought I went because it was easier than staying.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“I couldn’t stand by and watch Gordie getting in deeper and deeper with Vic. I only wish I could have talked you into leaving, too, but when you married Gordie, I understood why you wouldn’t. I hadn’t realized you loved him.”
“He was all I had left.”
“What does that mean?”
But she never got a chance to answer his question. Dutch called them back to the coach. “Let’s go, folks.”
Truthfully, she’d never before been so glad to get back into the stagecoach. It saved her from answering the question. What did her words mean? Her mother was gone. Her father had sent her away. The Porters had died. Nate had left. The words meant she hadn’t loved Gordie as more than a friend, but he was all she’d had left and she hadn’t wanted to lose him.
There was no reason for Nate to know that.
* * *
Nate settled back with Louise at his side. She closed her eyes and slept. Or maybe only pretended to. What had she meant about marrying Gordie because he was all she had left? She made it sound as if she didn’t love him, but he couldn’t believe that. He’d seen them together and they were the best of friends.
But was that the same as love?
He didn’t know. He was nothing but a cowboy who pretty much stayed to himself. Not that he was unfriendly or that he didn’t enjoy the social gatherings at the ranch. But since Gordie, he’d never been close to anyone else. He knew too well that nothing lasted—not family, not friends, nothing. Not even marriage.
The miles passed. No one seemed inclined to make conversation, which suited him fine. Except it gave him far too much time to think. By the time they stopped for the night, he had made up his mind to talk to Louise about what she’d meant.
It was easier to plan to talk than to find a place and time for it to happen. The way station was small and not half as inviting as Peace’s had been. The owner had whiskers down to his chest, soiled with chewing tobacco and other things.
Louise drew back as they entered the building, dark and dank with unpleasant odors.
“It’s warm,” Nate said.
She turned to him, her eyes wide. “It’s...awful.” She barely whispered the word.
He couldn’t argue the point, but it was all they had for the night.
The whiskered man went to help Dutch with the horses while Archie and Gabe brought in the buffalo robes.
“For Mrs. Hawkins,” Archie said.
Miss Rolfe looked ready to cry. “I wish I’d stayed with Peace.”
No one corrected her. Likely they all wished the same thing.
None of them sat on the benches beside the greasy-looking table.
Dutch returned with the whiskered man at his heels. “Folks, this is Moses. He’s our host for the night.”
Dutch seemed comfortable with the accommodations, but clearly Louise was not. When Nate led her toward the table, she balked.
“I’d like to go for a walk, if that’s okay.”
Nate didn’t know who she meant to ask permission from.
Dutch poured a cup of coffee from the blackened pot. The liquid was so thick it glugged from the spout.
Nate decided then and there he would not be drinking coffee.
Dutch sucked back some of the coffee and grimaced. “It’s cold out there, but if you don’t mind, I see no reason not to stretch your legs.”
Louise didn’t even wait for Nate; she walked out. He hurried after her.