Being around Ellen was like having a mother and a friend all wrapped up in one. She reminded me of just how much I missed having my mom around.
“I want to get Ryan a birthday present while we are here, but I never know what to buy him anymore. He’s been traveling so much; anything we buy him just ends up in our basement,” Ellen said, flipping over the price tag on an old dry sink.
“I know. I was thinking about what I could get him too. His birthday is less than three weeks away. He had mentioned about getting hockey tickets, but I’m not sure what his schedule is like. I only seem to know week by week what he’s up to.”
A thought amused her. “Ryan told us you’re a Pittsburgh fan. It’s like Heaven made you just for him!”
I laughed uncomfortably at her comment. “I don’t know about that but I’m glad you think so. I truly do love your son. I just want to make him happy.”
“Hearing you say that thrills me beyond words!” She squeezed me quickly around the shoulders with her one arm. “I was so worried that he’d end up with the wrong girl one day. I’m so relieved that he’s made the perfect choice. And to tell you the truth, I’m glad your picture is on the cover of those magazines with him. It kills me every time I hear the media pairing him up with that Suzanne.”
“I gather you don’t like her,” I said, hoping she’d explain why she felt that way.
“No, not really. I’ve tried to warm up to her but…” Ellen shuddered. “She only cares about herself. She thinks the world revolves around her.”
Ellen looked at me intensely. “I don’t know if you know this yet or not, but she has a thing for my son. Ryan, thank God, doesn’t feel the same way. I was so worried that he might fall for someone like her though, considering how many actresses he gets to meet and has to work with. I feared that one of them might end up being my daughter-in-law one day.”
My mind drifted from her comments. I could easily see myself being his wife and the mother of his children, just like a normal husband and wife, but if I end up being his wife, then what? What would I do to keep myself busy and productive? Do I live out of a suitcase too, following him around the globe? Living off of him like some pathetic freeloader? Was I even movie star wife material?
What could I do for a living to assure I was a contributing partner in a globe-trotting marriage? Heck, I struggled with the decision of closing the bar this weekend. How the hell will I be able to have a long-standing relationship with a man who is never in one place for very long?
Another movie, another distant location, another sexy lead actress for sure. While I’m distracted picking out tile patterns for the bathroom, could some well-known vixen get to be the recipient of the next condom in his pack?
No matter which way I envisioned it, all paths ended up with me losing him. The world was unfolding on a silver platter to him, just like Suzanne had said. The parties to come… all the women… temptation all around.
Inside I was a partial wreck.
“Taryn? Are you all right?” Ellen noticed my mental absence.
Unconsciously I shook my head. I wasn’t all right. My internal monologue came pouring out of my quivering lips.
“At first I didn’t want to get involved with your son because he was a celebrity. Then we just spent time together and I got to know him for who he truly is. That’s who I fell in love with. I hope you believe me when I tell you that I’m not with him because he’s famous. And I don’t want his money either.
“He’s a beautiful, caring, loving person and I love him so much. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And I know he loves me. But I’m so scared.
There are so many women out there, all desiring him. It’s not like we’re going to have a normal life, ever. It’s hard enough to have a normal relationship let alone have your relationship be analyzed and ripped apart by the world.
“He’s always going to be traveling and away for months at a time.
“What do I do? What if I’m not enough? What if we’re not strong enough?” My chest started to feel tight. I had been holding all these thoughts in for so long, never talking about them with anyone – not even my closest friends, and now they all came bubbling to the surface.
His mother moved to face me and looked me right in the eyes.
“Taryn, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. I have never heard Ryan talk about another girl the way he does about you. He didn’t think it would ever be possible to find true love after he became famous, and he has found that in you. You!” She said in a stern voice as she tugged at my wrist.
“Let him love you, Taryn. That's all he wants. I know this can be stressful, having such a public relationship, but you need to stay true to each other and you will work through all of your fears. The two of you will figure it out. And don’t be afraid to talk to him about anything either. You have to be open with each other if you want any marriage to survive.” Ellen touched my cheek.
“I know. I am trying. I love him with all my heart.”
“Oh, Sweetie. It will all work out. You’ll see!” She gave me a very comforting hug. “Ryan will make sure of it.”
“Thank you,” I breathed in her ear, hugging his mother like she was my own.
“You’re welcome! Anytime you need to talk I’ll always be here for you.”
Although it was all easier said than done to confront these feelings, I felt at ease with her. My connection with her made me miss my mother even more.
“I guess Ryan will still be here when it’s his birthday,” Ellen said. “I better find him something then while we are here.”
“I was thinking about having a small birthday party for him at my pub. Do you think some of his old friends from home might be interested in coming to Rhode Island?”
“You could always ask. He’s lost touch with a lot of his friends. He always checks in with Matt and Scott when he comes home. Other than that, I really don’t know who his friends are now. You’ll have to get their phone numbers from Ryan.”
I thought about how I would do that. I certainly wouldn’t ask him for their numbers; that would ruin any possible surprise. I’d have to be sneaky.
“I thought he was coming home for Thanksgiving or did that change?” Ellen asked.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know. He didn’t say anything to me.” My words cast other thoughts through my head.