Without You

The next thing I knew, Gunner had his arms around me. I wasn’t sure how long the three of us stood there, but I finally regained some composure. When I pulled away, I saw both my father and Gunner wiping their tears away.

I knew what I had to do, and I needed to do it right now. “Gunner, sir, may I speak with you alone?”

Gunner looked at me, surprised, but he nodded his head. I looked back at Luke and Colt, and they both smiled. Luke and Libby had both asked me why I said I was Lex’s fiancé. I’d told them that Lex and I were secretly engaged. Then, I’d told Colt, Lauren, Meagan, Grace, and Taylor. I was sure Colt and Luke knew what I was about to do now.

Gunner walked a ways away and leaned up against a fence. He looked at me as I gathered up the courage to ask him the one thing I’d been dreaming of asking for a few years now.

I cleared my throat, took a deep breath, and looked Gunner in the eyes. “I’d like to ask Lex to marry me, sir. It wouldn’t be anytime soon. I know she has a lot to deal with, but I want nothing more than to make her my wife. I’d like your blessing, sir.”

Gunner didn’t do anything at first. I silently prayed to God that my life wouldn’t end here, in the east pasture, at the hands of Gunner Mathews. I held my gaze and didn’t back down. I loved Lex, and I wasn’t going to walk away from her—not now, not ever.

Gunner slowly let a smile move across his face. Finally, his full crooked smile appeared, and he let out a small chuckle. “William Gregory Hayes, do you have any idea that you just proved what type of man you are?”

My mouth dropped open. Anytime my parents used my full name, my ass would be in trouble, so I wasn’t sure how to read this situation.

“Um…no, sir, I guess I don’t. Truth be told, your smile used along with my full name has me all kinds of confused.”

Gunner threw his head back and laughed. When he looked back at me, he shook his head. “Will, after what happened to Alex, not very many guys would stick around—let alone, ask her father for her hand in marriage. I’m proud of you, Will. I’m proud that you never once backed down when I pushed you and Alex for a break, that you never gave up on the one thing you loved. It shows the man you’ve become. Your daddy and mama have done a fine job in raising you, Will.”

Gunner smiled as he reached his hand out for mine and shook it. “Will, I’d be honored to have you ask Alex to marry you, and I’d be even more honored to call you my son-in-law—after y’all graduate from college and Alex starts her career, and not a second before then.”

I smiled, and the sense of relief washing over my body was unreal.

“When are you planning on asking her?” Gunner’s face became a bit more serious.

“I wanted to ask her this summer, but I know she has so much going through her head right now. Even though we’ve talked about it, I think it is best if I wait for a bit.”

Gunner nodded his head. “I agree. Thank you for taking her feelings into account, Will.”

“Always, sir. I love Lex more than anything. I’ll spend every day of my life loving her and protecting her the best I can, sir.”

Gunner pushed off the fence, grabbed me, and pulled me in for a hug. “Jesus, it was just yesterday when you were riding on top of my shoulders, telling me you wanted to be a rancher.”

He slapped my back hard—probably harder than he needed to—before he pushed back and winked at me. “Now, was that so hard, Will?” He turned and walked toward Jeff and my father.

I stood there, stunned. “I’ll never understand that man—ever,” I whispered.

I walked up to Luke and Colt, who both held out their hands to shake mine. I felt happy for a few minutes until we all began working on repairing the fence.

My mind kept going back to Lex and how sad she had sounded while walking toward the barn.

I just need some time alone.

I closed my eyes. God, please don’t let her slip away from me. Please.

My phone buzzed in my back pocket, and I pulled it out. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it was a text from Will.

Will: Hey, sweetheart. Would you like to go to dinner and a movie tonight?

Yesterday, I had gone to talk with Janet about my fear of giving myself to Will. I felt dirty, thinking what I shared with Will had been tarnished, and I was so afraid Will would look at me differently now.

It had been three weeks since I came home from the hospital. I’d managed to keep myself surrounded with a lot of people, or I’d spend time alone with Banjo. Will and I had been alone only twice. Both times, I’d panicked for some reason. I wasn’t sure why. When I’d asked Janet, she’d helped me to understand my thoughts. I was so afraid of what Will thought of me now that I kept pushing our relationship aside. She told me how important it was for me to talk to Will about my feelings. I just couldn’t. Not yet.