Without You

Janet and Officer Franks talked for a couple of minutes. After Officer Franks left, Janet sat down in a nearby chair.

“Alex, you were sexually assaulted. He touched you without your consent. You should talk to someone about it. You can’t deal with this on your own.”

I didn’t look at her as I said, “Can I talk to you?”

She reached for my hand. “If that’s what you want.”

I slowly nodded as I felt a tear moving down my face. “Yes,” I whispered as I closed my eyes.

I felt sleep beginning to take over. I hadn’t realized how tired I was.

Will…I’m so sorry. I didn’t fight hard enough.

I glanced over to Lex as she stared out the passenger window. The whole way from Austin to Mason, she didn’t utter a single word.

I thought back to my conversation with Janet.

“What do I need to do for Lex?”

Janet smiled. “Just be there for her, Will. She’s most likely going to withdraw a bit. Even though Blake didn’t rape her, he still violated her in more than one way. Be patient with her, love her, and don’t push her, but don’t let her push you away either.”

I nodded my head. “I love her so much. I just want to take away her pain.”

Janet grinned. “I know you do. I’ve talked to Mr. and Mrs. Mathews. Alex has seemed to develop a trust with me. Will, I’ve been in Alex’s shoes, except I was raped. I think she feels that I know what she is going through. I’ll do whatever I can to help her and her family.”

My heart instantly hurt for Janet. “I’m so sorry, Janet.”

She smiled back and shook her head. “I will help Alex through this, Will. I promise you.”

I pulled up and parked behind Gunner’s truck. Grace and Luke were heading to Austin today to pick up all of Grace’s and Lex’s things. Then, Luke was going to drive Lex’s car back to Mason.

I reached over and touched Lex’s arm, and she jumped. I quickly pulled my hand away as I felt the pain piercing my heart.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, Lex.”

She turned and gave me a weak smile. “It’s okay.”

I returned her smile. “Let me get your door.”

I jumped out of the truck and jogged to her side. I opened the door and held my hand out for her. She was gripping her doll, Emma, tightly. She got out of the truck and began walking toward the back of the house.

“Um…Lex? Where are you going?”

Gunner and Ellie both walked out onto the front porch.

“Alex? Honey, where are you headed off to?” Ellie asked.

Lex didn’t bother to look over at her parents. “I’m going to see Banjo. I just need some time alone, if y’all don’t mind.”

I just stood there. I felt hopelessly lost as to what to do for Lex. Janet’s words kept playing over and over in my mind.

Don’t push her.

I watched as Lex made her way down to the barn. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned to see Gunner.

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like…like she doesn’t want me around. She didn’t talk to me at all the whole way here, and when I touched her arm, she…she pulled away from me.” I could feel the tears in my eyes building, and the last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of Gunner.

He gripped my shoulder tightly as he nodded his head. “Come on, I’ve got some work to do on a fence. You can help me.” Gunner turned to Ellie. “Give her some time and then check on her.”

Ellie wiped a tear away and nodded her head.

Gunner slapped my back and headed toward his truck. I looked back toward the barn one more time, but Lex was gone. I walked to the truck and got in. Neither one of us said a word as we drove to the east pasture of the ranch. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to hurt someone.

Blake.

I wanted to hurt Blake. I let out a long sigh.

Gunner cleared his throat. “When we were younger, Ellie was in a car accident, and it was during a time when we weren’t together.”

I snapped my head over to Gunner. “Did y’all break up or something?”

He smiled and nodded his head. “It was a misunderstanding, but yes, we were broken up for a bit. Anyway, she was trying to get to me when she had the accident. I remember sitting by her bedside for hours and hours, just praying she would be okay. I’d never felt so helpless in my life.”

That was how I was feeling right now. I looked out the front window.

“I know you feel the same way, Will. I know you want to take the pain away. Hell, the whole thing away. I’m feeling the same way. The restraint it is taking for me not to beat the fuck out of that little asshole is something I’m working on every day.”