Waiting on the Sidelines

Reed pulled a box from around his back and held it out to me. I could tell it was a shoe box that he’d tried to wrap himself, which made it all the more adorable to me. “Thanks,” I bit my lip a little, pulling the box into my chest. “I’m sorry…I didn’t really get you anything. This whole graduation thing sort of snuck up on me, I’ve been so busy with scholarship apps.”

That was a half truth. I had gotten a gift for both Sienna and Sarah. I just didn’t know what Reed was to me anymore, and after spending four hours at the mall trying to find something perfect for him with nothing to show for it, I just threw in the towel.

“Well, are you going to open it? I know you’re dying to know, you can’t handle surprises,” he knew me so well. I was dying to rip the lid off the box. I smiled guiltily and then pulled the ribbon back that was holding the lid in place and flipped it open in my arms. When I saw the ratty old ASU hat sitting on top of a bed of crumpled tissue paper, my mouth went dry and I squeezed my lips together tightly to keep myself from going full estrogen with my emotions, my eyes already threatening to tear up.

“It always looked better on you,” he smiled sweetly, reaching in to pull the hat out. He pulled the box from my hands set it on the ground and then looked me in the eyes as he reached for my hand and squeezed my fingers around the hat. “I’d put it on for you, but your hair looks really nice. I don’t want to mess it up before graduation,” he spoke quietly.

I just stared down at it, so touched at the thoughtfulness of his gift, but also mesmerized by his touch. I thought I would never hold his hand again, and this was the greatest gift I could imagine. “I’m real sorry, Noles,” he surprised me with his words. He kept his eyes down, twisting his mouth a little as his spoke. “I f**ked us up real good. And I never meant to be cruel. I lashed out at you, and it wasn’t right.”

I couldn’t quite catch my breath. He had hurt me with his words. But I think it hurt even more because they came from him, someone I’d let in, let get close. “Thank you,” was all I could say, just nodding a little but keeping my eyes on the hat in my hands and watching his fingers let go of their grasp on me. He leaned forward just a little and kissed my cheek, whispering in my ear just a little before he walked down my driveway and left.

“I never would have picked Stanford…too far away…” that was all he said.

The graduation ceremony seemed to breeze by, which was good since the temperatures outside had barely fallen below 100 degrees at night. Most of my classmates were fanning themselves with their hats by the time Sienna welcomed us all to stand and move our tassels over to signal our official end of high school.

Sienna and I went to Sarah’s house after the ceremony to change into more summer-friendly clothing for the desert party. This night was for seniors only, and it was something every Coolidge student looked forward to, a rite of passage. I sat on the end of Sarah’s bed, my mind off in the distance, while she and Sienna got ready.

“Nolan, you better hurry, or we’re going to leave your ass here,” Sarah teased.

“Sarah? Do you think I can borrow some of your clothes?” you would think I offered her $20 she was so excited by my request.

“Uh, yeah! What do you want? Tank tops? One-shoulder? Skirt, dress, shorts?” she was in her closet in an instant searching for me.

“I just…wanna look as hot as you can make me look,” I was embarrassed by my own vanity and blushed as I asked.

“Oh, I can make you look hot,” Sarah grinned devilishly. Sienna rolled her eyes as she went to work.

Sarah delivered on her promise, dressing me in her shortest denim cut-off shorts and a one-shoulder black shirt with a scoop neck. She pulled my hair up in upside-down braids, letting a few strands fall to the sides. I even relented and let her put mascara and smoky eye shadow on me. I felt bold, which I would need to if I was going to be bold tonight.

By the time we got to the desert party, most of our classmates had arrived already. The music was pumping, as it always was, but the sheer number of cars parked amidst the desert brush was far from inconspicuous. The local law enforcement was always on alert for graduation night, so there was a strict code among senior classes to follow the designated driver roll. Sienna was ours tonight, which was good because I was planning on downing a little liquid courage to get myself through the night.

We parked and started to walk to the center of the campsite where most of the other girls were dancing, waiving red cups over their heads. Sarah grabbed one and filled it for me, putting it in my hand with a warning. “Go slow on this, ok missy?” I was new to this drinking thing and knew what I didn’t want to look like when the night was over, so I just smiled and gave her an understanding nod.