Waiting on the Sidelines

“What the f**k,” Reed said, turning to see who had done that to him. “Nolan? What are you doing here?”

Seriously? What was I doing here? I was about to unleash. I felt Sarah move behind me, catching up to me when she heard Reed’s voice. She started, but I put my hand back, letting her know I was good. I had this. I wasn’t going to be his whipping post any more. I loved this boy, the real one that I knew was still down there, but he needed to hear the raw truth. I was hurting, so I was prepared to serve it to him, unfiltered.

With a calm voice, almost scaring myself, I began laughing a little. “I know, right?” I giggled, mockingly. “Like, what would I be doing here…with my boyfriend.”

I was serious now. “So, were you going to just let me know you weren’t coming… maybe with a phone call tomorrow? You know, so I could just wait around and worry tonight. Or were you planning on not calling me at all? Maybe this is how you handle things, like the child you are. You just figured you’d ignore me until I got the hint and went away. Well, I got the hint, Reed. Ohhh, I get it.”

My heartbeat was pumping through my ears now and my lips were quivering with anger. Reed just tossed his empty beer bottle into the bushes and slid down from the table. “Nolan, let’s not do this now. Can we just talk tomorrow?” he was annoyed with my words, I was forcing him into a corner, and I wasn’t going to stop.

“No, Reed. We can talk now. Funny, I see you don’t have a problem talking to Calley,” Reed’s eyes shot to mine with a warning. It was too late, I was gone and there wasn’t any way to stop the flow of venom I was about to let out. “You planning on making yourself feel better by sleeping with her again?”

Calley’s eyes shot to mine and then to Sarah’s, her mouth wide open with shock. She was getting up and shaking her head, trying to explain herself, but it was too late. “No, don’t bother Calley. Reed told me about the little fling you two had. You know, while you knew I was in love with him. You and Tatum are perfect roommates, you know?”

I was so on fire I didn’t notice Sarah behind me, shaking her head and growing angrier. But when she opened her mouth, I was suddenly reminded she was there. “How could you!” she shoved her sister to the ground, kicking dirt at her. “You bitch! You’re my sister! How could you do that to my best friend?!”

Tears were pouring down Sarah’s cheeks now and Reed and I were stuck in our bubble, just staring at each other. He was blank still, unfeeling. And that’s when I knew I couldn’t crack him. He was too far gone.

“You know what the kicker is?” I said, laughing a little to myself and shaking my head. “I got my acceptance letter to Stanford today. I was actually thinking about how we would maybe both go off to college together. God, I’m a f**king idiot!”

Reed was just shaking his head, indifferent to me. And then he locked his eyes right on mine. “Whatever. Like it matters, I mean…it’s not like you could even afford it,” he sounded superior. Smug. And his words cut through all of my bravado like a knife. Never had Reed made me feel less. He had never commented on where I lived, what my parents did or the fact that I came from something so very humble. He knew how sensitive that was for me, and yet here he was…exploiting it.

I froze and everything drained from me. Reed stood staring right back at me, locked together. He had put something out there that he couldn’t take back. For a brief moment, he seemed like he wanted to, too, but then he just straightened his posture and tightened the line of his mouth. I had nothing left to say. That was it, and I knew we were done. Reed was too far gone in his own breakdown to realize he had just killed me, killed us with his words.

Turning to Sarah, I cleared my throat a little. “Please take me home.”

She just nodded and put her hand on my back, leading me out of the wake of our damage. The thumping of the music was still going, but the crowd was quiet. I could hear Calley crying, but I didn’t care. I was sad that Sarah had to find out this way, but I had to leave everything I had on the table.

Sarah drove me to her house and we locked her bedroom door and curled up together in her bed. I was too stunned to cry, and she was too angry about her sister to talk. We just stared off into space, her hand squeezing mine. She was my strong friend, and tonight had made her weak. I hated that she got hurt.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I whispered.

“Shhhhh, it’s ok. This isn’t your fault, Nolan. None of it is,” she was flat, but I knew she was with me. She had my back, and she always would.