Waiting on the Sidelines

“Come on, let’s go get the gym ready. Not that anyone’s going to come tonight,” Sarah said, tugging at my shirt so I would follow her.

I sat at the entrance table with Sarah and Sienna finally joined us along with Micah. A few people started to stream in, which surprised us. They were mostly sophomores and freshman, students who didn’t really have anywhere else to go on a Friday night. The upper classmen would be in the desert, I was sure. Drowning their sorrows.

After about 30 minutes, a few members of the football team started to make their way in. I was feeling anxious and every time the door flung open, my heart leapt and my breath stilled waiting for it to be Reed.

It was about an hour into the lock-in and time to close the doors for good when it hit me. He wasn’t here. And he wasn’t coming. Sarah and Sienna sat still next to me. They knew it, too.

“Maybe we can wait a few more minutes,” Sarah said, trying to let me down easily.

I just shrugged and stood. “It doesn’t matter how long we wait and you know it,” I felt defeated. “He’s not coming. He’s f**king not coming!”

I stood up and stuffed my hands in the front of my sweatshirt pockets, looking down at my feet. I was so mad at myself for letting this happen. I was putting off the hurt and I was enabling him to take his frustration out on me. “I can’t do this, guys. I can’t do this,” I was shaking my head, looking at both of them.

“I know,” Sienna said, coming up to me to give me a hug. Sarah sat still behind her.

“You know he’s at the desert party,” I did know. Where else would he be. He wouldn’t go home. He’d go somewhere to lose himself or sit in silence amid a crowd and throw himself a pity party.

“Come on,” Sarah said, pulling on my sweatshirt and grabbing her purse.

“Where are we going?” I asked, a little worried at her idea.

“We’re leaving. Sienna, can you tell Ms. H that I got sick and Nolan had to take me home?” Sienna nodded at her, knowingly.

“We can’t just leave, we’re in charge…” Sarah interrupted me.

“Yes we can, and yes we are. We’re going to go tell Reed to stop treating you like shit. Are you in? Or do I need to do it by myself? Because I’m going to do it no matter what,” she was unstoppable at this point.

I looked at Sienna for guidance and she just smiled. “Go, this is what Sarah is best at,” she was referring to our conversation earlier. “You can’t put this off; you’re going to have to confront him eventually. You might as well go while you’re packing a secret weapon,” she motioned to Sarah.

She was right. They both were. I was terrified. It was all going to be over tonight, and in my heart I knew it. I guess I had been putting it off because I didn’t want it to end, but the last few months had been so miserable, it wasn’t really worth the heartache any more.

Sarah and I snuck out the door as Sienna locked up and we headed to her car. The drive through the desert was quiet and determined. As we got closer to the campgrounds, Sarah started to talk. “Nolan, you deserve better than this. I know I’m not a great model for relationships. I have a new boyfriend every week. But you’re better than that. You and Reed aren’t supposed to be like this… this is poisonous, and I won’t let him destroy you,” she reached over and grabbed my hand. She was right and I was so thankful to have her and Sienna at my side.

We pulled in and shut the lights off. I took a deep breath and gathered my inner strength before getting out of the car, glad I had worn my comfortable jeans and sweatshirt since it was freezing outside.

There were pods of people drinking on car hoods and in pickup beds everywhere. There was a new crowd added in, the new junior class and some underclassmen that wanted to get in with the ‘cool crowd.’ The thumping of the music was distracting, and there weren’t many lights, so it was hard to see in the distance. Finally, Sarah recognized Calley’s car and motioned for me to follow her.

Calley’s car? My blood pressure was shooting up now and I was getting stronger with every step we took. We pushed past a small fire pit and found a few people sitting on a grouping of picnic tables. I recognized the silhouette of his back in the firelight and stopped in my tracks. Sarah was still looking around and hadn’t noticed yet. He was sitting there with a beer in his hand and talking…to Calley. He could talk to her.

As if I was possessed by someone far stronger than myself, I stormed up to his table and flipped the hat he was wearing backwards off his head. That f**king hat, I always thought it was so adorable. I wanted to shove it down his throat right now.