Sweet Hope

Lexi gasped beside me and reached out to hold my hand. Austin dropped his head, and I realized that was probably the first time Axel had ever apologized for his past choices.

Levi’s teeth were gritted together with fury. Suddenly, he staggered back like he’d been shot. His gray eyes showed panic at Axel's confession. His gaze fell on the rest of us and he raked his hands through his hair.

“Don’t,” he warned Axel. “Don’t you dare apologize!”

But Axel moved forward, his hands held out in surrender, and repeated, “Fratellino, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I love you, Lev. I love you so fucking much.”

Tears ran like rivers down Levi’s cheeks. He choked back a sob, his fists clenching again. “No! Don’t tell me that, Axe. Back off. Back the fuck off!”

But he didn’t; Axel strode forward. “I love you, kid. I always did. I fucked-up, but I love you, I’ve always loved you, more than my own life…”

Levi raised his head to the darkening sky and screamed.

He stormed to Axel and pushed him back. “I said don’t say that! You don’t love me, you love no one but yourself! You never put us first! You fucking led us to hell!”

Axel stood his ground, his chest wide and repeated. “I know I did, but I do love you… so fucking much…”

Levi snapped, his body shaking. Tightening his fist, he drew back his hand and rammed it straight into Axel’s jaw. Axel stumbled back, but he didn’t retaliate.

Levi’s eyes darkened. “Fight me! Fight me, you fucking pussy!” Levi boomed as he struck Axel again. Axel’s head snapped back; then he took blow after blow. Levi’s actions became frantic as Axel refused to fight, and he screamed, “I’m big enough now for you to face, so fucking fight me!”

Blood ran from Axel’s lip, but he kept his hands by his side. He coughed out through his bruising mouth. “I love you, and I’m sorry, Levi.”

Levi struck Axel again and I openly wept as more blood ran from Axel’s lips and nose. Austin, at last, jumped forward, but Axel, on seeing his approach, held out his open hand to stop him. “No!” he shouted, as he bent over spitting out blood.

“Fuck!” Austin hissed and planted his feet on the ground in front of us… he was breaking apart watching his brothers fight.

Levi’s cries were low and loud, and he paced in front of Axel like he couldn’t stand all this emotion, like it was driving him insane. As Axel, bloodied and beaten, approached him again, Levi roared and took another swing, but Axel dodged it this time. Instead, Axel wrapped his arms around Levi’s waist, refusing to let him go.

Levi thrashed around, trying to throw off his brother, but Axel was stronger and kept a tight hold, repeating, “I’m sorry, Lev, I love you,” over and over. Each time Axel said those words, Levi’s face contorted in pain more and more, his sobs becoming louder and louder.

“I love you kid, I fucking love you so much…” As Axel bellowed those words into Levi’s ear, something suddenly changed in Levi. Losing all fight, Levi sagged against Axel who held up his baby brother in his arms.

Levi’s eyes squeezed shut as his cries consumed him. After resisting for as long as he could, Levi suddenly wrapped his arms around Axel. The emotional impact caused Axel to fall to the ground with Levi still in his arms. Axel was crying his heart out too.

Unable to fight back a trapped sob in my throat, I put my hand over my mouth and cried with them. Austin and Lexi did the same.

“Axel,” Levi cried and squeezed his arms tighter against Axel’s neck, “You left me, you fucking left me,” he said brokenly. “You left all of us… we needed you… and you left us... alone…”

“I’m sorry,” Axel wept, “I’m so fucking sorry, kid…”

“And Mamma…” Levi said breaking as he said her name, “Mamma needed you there when she passed. She loved you. You were her eldest, her heart… and you left us all alone… you left her alone as she faded, as she laid there dying wondering where you were… you never got to say goodbye to her… you never got to kiss her goodbye… to pray with us… to kiss her cheek…” Levi wailed. Axel broke down further.

Axel sagged against Levi as he completely fell apart and Levi, feeling this, sat back and cradled Axel in his arms. Their roles suddenly switched. Obviously unable to take it anymore, Austin ran to where his brothers sat on the ground and wrapped his big arms around them both. The three Carillo brothers were purging their pasts and healing through their shuddering tears.