Something Old, Something New
Page 24Taking care of the twins didn’t keep Carmen’s mind off Alex this time. Maybe it was because he wasn’t a few miles away, happy at work. He was hundreds of miles away, maybe sick from a rough flight. He called late in the evening and said the cow was in poor condition and too old for what he wanted. He sounded tired and disappointed. Tomorrow when he got home, she’d have a nice meal ready for him.
Things didn’t work out that way, though. The cold front turned into a winter storm that started with freezing rain and ended with snow. His flight was delayed and the power went off at the house. Carmen kept a fire burning in the fireplace and slept in the living room. The rest of the house was warm enough that the pipes wouldn’t freeze. The worst part was the fact that the cell phone tower in their area was out. That might not be fixed for a while. Their land phone was dependent on electricity. As soon as she could, she’d buy one that wasn’t.
No babies, no Alex. No television, no light for reading – the only thing she could do was cook. Alex had the foresight to have the builders install a gas range. Too bad he didn’t have the foresight to stay home when a December cold front moved through. She had been looking forward to their first winter storm, snuggled together. Well, it wasn’t going to happen this time, so she might as well stop whining and get the chores done.
All the upgrades Alex had installed were for naught. She filled a plastic bowl with water for the chickens and hauled buckets of water to the horses and buffalo. By the time she finished that, she was exhausted. She heated some water and carried a towel back to the bathroom to bathe before bed. She still had her jeans on and was washing her upper torso when the front door opened and shut. She froze for a second. Who would be coming in without knocking? Her heart skipped a beat. She could have sworn she locked the door. Even so, who would simply walk in . . . Josh? She grabbed a towel and clutched it to her chest. Surely he would say something.
Quick steps came down the hallway behind a bobbing flashlight. A deep voice called, “Carmen?”
The breath escaped her lungs in a quick sigh of relief.
“Alex?”
He stepped through the doorway and turned the beam of light on her. His teeth were white in the reflection of the flashlight.
“Hey, Heidi.”
She ran to him, still clutching the towel to her chest. He fumbled with the flashlight, nearly dropping it when his arms embraced her. For a long moment they kissed passionately.
“I’m so glad you’re home . . . safe. Were the roads bad?”
He released her. “Not as bad as they will be tomorrow. It’s snowing again.”
“Oh my gosh,” she said, turning to look out the window.
“You’d better get some clothes on before you freeze,” he said.
She turned back and smiled up at him. “I can’t believe you’re actually telling me to put my clothes on.”
He chuckled as he reached for her again. “Cancel that request.”
He jerked on the towel, but she had a tight hold. She giggled as he used it to drag her back into his arms. Swooping her up, he deposited her on the bed.
“Aren’t you hungry?” she asked as he began unbuttoning his shirt.
He winked. “Yeah, but let’s take care of the electricity first.”
That night she slept in the warmth of his arms, and the next morning the electricity came on. Still, they were blissfully marooned on their little island of snow for another day until the snow melted enough that Alex could get to work. The sun came out and melted the snow enough that she felt it was safe to get out.
Katie and Bill had weathered the storm well with their new family. Bill was at work by the time Carmen arrived at their house. Katie said that Bill was a little lost at first, but eventually got the hang of taking care of the babies. Carmen watched the babies while Katie got some much needed rest. By the time she finished cooking supper for them, it was later than she had planned. Giving Katie last minute instructions, she left. The temperature was going back down and the places that had melted were beginning to refreeze. She took her time getting home, ignoring her cell phone when it rang. That would be Alex, and he would be worried.
When she opened the garage door, his truck was parked inside. He was in the living room when she arrived, sitting in his chair reading the newspaper.
“Sorry I’m late,” she said as she hurried to the kitchen. “I’ll get supper started.”
He didn’t respond. He was probably upset that she didn’t answer her cell phone, but he had given her strict orders not to use it when she was driving. As Mom used to say, he’d get glad the same way he got mad.
A few minutes later he sauntered into the kitchen and leaned against the door jam.
“Were you at Katie’s again?”
She glanced up, nodding slowly. Was that what he was upset about?
His expression was clearly displeased.
“You spend more time there than you do at home.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t think you minded.”
He watched her silently for a few moments.
“Why, Carmen? Why would you think I wouldn’t mind if my wife was never home?”
A cold feeling started in the pit of her stomach.
“You never said anything.”
A sardonic smile twisted his mouth.
“At first I was glad you were happy.” He moved away from the wall and started toward her. “Then I thought you’d realize you were intruding in their lives. But you didn’t.” He stopped in front of her, his expression exasperated as he gazed down at her. “Apparently you’ll do anything to hold a baby in your arms – even risk your life driving on ice.”
Her face felt stiff, as if all the blood had drained from it. Of course. Why hadn’t she realized that she was neglecting Alex - and outstaying her welcome with Katie and Bill? How could she have been so blind? She stared up at him, unable to find any words in her defense.
The pupils in his eyes were dilated so large that his eyes looked black in a face that had gone strangely pale. Feeding on emotion, his tone became harsh.
“Do you have any idea how I felt . . . feel, knowing that you’d rather be with them than traveling with me? The minute I leave, you hop in the car and run over there. Sometimes I think you can hardly wait for me to get out of your hair.”
Carmen caught her breath and took a step back. At the moment, putting distance between them seemed prudent. He had every right to be upset with her, but this emotional explosion was as frightening as it was uncharacteristic.
His tirade ended as abruptly as it began and he blinked, staring down at her. He ran a hand over his mouth and for a moment she thought he was going to be sick. He turned and stalked out of the room, throwing a parting growl over his shoulder.
“I’m going out to do the chores.”
For a minute after the patio door slid shut she stood in stunned silence, too shocked by his outburst to think of a response. Not that there was much left to say. The picture he painted was incredibly clear. Slowly the numbness wore off and shame brought tears to her eyes. No simple apology was going to rectify this situation.
The smell of burning food broke into her thoughts. She turned, uttering an exclamation that came from nowhere. She clamped both hands over her mouth, warmth flooding into her face. There wasn’t time to dwell over her profanity. She raced over to the stove and lifted the lid. The potatoes were ruined. She turned the fire off and poured a little water into the cast-iron skillet to keep it from sticking. As she replaced the lid, the fire alarm went off. She turned on the exhaust fan and grabbed a chair, climbing into it to get high enough to shut the alarm off. It took three attempts, but she finally bounced high enough to shut off the alarm.
Had this happened any other time, she would have suggested they go out for supper, but the roads weren’t the only thing icy tonight. Hopefully he would be calmed down enough to talk about it when he returned from the chores. This had to have been building for a long time. With a heavy sigh, she started supper again.
An hour later it was full dark and he still hadn’t returned from the chores. The food was cold and she wasn’t hungry. He could heat it up if he wanted it. Leaving the food on the table, she decided to take a bath. Maybe the warmth of the water would help her relax before they talked.
Later, as she was drying off, she heard the shower in their bedroom come on. At least he was back in the house. It was freezing out there. She dressed and went to the kitchen to warm up some food for him. A half hour passed, and then an hour before she decided to check on him. The bedroom door was shut, so she knocked on it.
“Alex?”
There was no light under the door. Her heart skipped a beat and then went into overtime. Did he go back outside? She opened the door.
“Alex, are you in here?”
A quick check of the bathroom and bedroom revealed he was not there. She put her coat on and headed for the back door. A thought struck her, and she turned to the garage. His truck was gone. Her stomach squeezed into a knot. He was upset and driving on ice. Pulling out her phone, she dialed his number. The phone rang and went to his voice mail.
“Alex, please call me. I’m worried about you.” She hesitated. “We need to talk.” Snapping the phone shut, she shut the door to the garage. It was pointless to leave him a message. He would have seen on the ID that she was the one calling. If he wanted to talk, he would have answered it.
There was little she could do other than put the food up so it wouldn’t spoil and wait for him to come home. Several times she had the phone in her hand, ready to call Katie. This was between the two of them. The last thing he needed right now was the humiliation of having people out looking for him.
Another hour passed. It was almost 10:00 pm. Where would he go for this long? Was he drinking? It was a dry county, so he’d have to drive a ways to do that. Besides, Alex didn’t drink – or did he? Josh didn’t drink either, until he married Lori. Josh wanted a baby but Lori didn’t. Was their situation so different?
As the night progressed, her fear became anger. If she did something like this to him, he’d have a cow. Once he had said she ran away from conflict rather than settle it. That was what he was doing now. Well, let him pout. He knew how to get home, and if he didn’t want to stay at home, he could go stay with Katie.
At midnight he came home, changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed. He said nothing to her, nor did he touch her. For a long time she lay awake listening to him breath. At least he was safe. Maybe he’d be willing to talk about it tomorrow.
The next morning it was daylight before she woke, and he was gone. There was no note - nothing. He probably went to work. But then, he had never acted this way before, so it was hard to tell.
After the animals were fed, she went back to the house and started cleaning. She was cleaning out the refrigerator when the land line rang in the office. She picked the receiver up on the fifth ring.
“Hello?”
“Carmen?”
It was Josh. “Speaking,” she said.
“Who is the girl this time?” Josh asked in his usual abrupt way.
“What girl?” Carmen barked. One thing she didn’t need today was Josh stirring up trouble.
He snorted. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I saw him with a little blond girl at lunch yesterday. At first I wondered what happened to you, and then she turned around and I saw it wasn’t you. He sure likes to pick them young. She didn’t look over 18 . . . if that.”
“Maybe it was a client.”
Josh snorted again. “Not hardly. If she had a dime to her name, I’d be surprised. Her hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in a month and her coat was wrinkled and full of holes.”
One thought came to mind instantly - and it wasn’t infidelity. “Is that the only reason you called, Josh?”
“I figured you ought to know.” His tone was flat.
“Thanks,” she said in a tone dripping with sarcasm. “I trust Alex. Bye.” She replaced the receiver without waiting for his reply.
Josh was probably right about one thing. The girl probably didn’t have a dime, and if she knew Alex, he had probably bought the food she was eating. He had always expressed sympathy for the homeless, but said he would never offer cash because he figured they would spend it on whatever got them into that situation in the first place. Odds were, after he made sure she had enough to eat, he probably bought her a new coat.
That was Alex. That was the man she had been neglecting lately to spend time with the twins.
She paced the living room, talking to herself. Alex was all she could think about. Come to think of it, that was why she started spending so much time with the babies. Not today, though. He wasn’t going to come home tonight and find her gone again – if he came home tonight. Her stomach twisted into a knot and her eyes burned with the threat of tears. What if he never came back? If only Mom were here to advise her.
She grabbed her coat and headed for the garage. Alex had once asked if Josh would be the person she turned to when they were having problems. Now she knew. Josh was the last person she wanted to talk to. Mom would have been the first, but since that wasn’t an option, Mums was her second choice. If Mums was partial, it would be toward Alex. She stopped at the garage door. Maybe a good walk would stimulate her mind. She kicked off her shoes and tugged into her work boots.
Crunching through the slushy snow, she walked down the drive, up the road and down the Reynolds drive. By the time she arrived at the Reynolds home, her nose was the only thing that had been activated. Blowing it on a tissue, she rang the door bell.
Mums opened the door, and after one look at Carmen’s face, ushered her into the kitchen.
“I told Josh he shouldn’t have called you,” she said as she poured two cups of coffee.
Carmen dropped into a chair, tears welling up in her eyes. “It isn’t about that.”
Mums sat down at the table opposite Carmen and nodded. She sipped her coffee, no doubt waiting for further explanation before commenting again.
“It’s all my fault,” Carmen plunged into confession. “I’ve only had three people on my mind lately – me, myself and I.” She sipped her coffee. “I’ve been neglecting Alex.”
Mums lifted her brows. “That’s hard to believe.”
Carmen made a face. “I know. I was thinking about him all the time – until the twins came along. The first day I was with them was the first day I didn’t miss him something horrible.”
Mums stared at her coffee. “And you thought missing him so badly was wrong.”
“Isn’t it?” Carmen said.
Mums lifted her gaze from the steaming cup of coffee and sighed. “Your marriage is young. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes by the depth of your love.”
“Yes, but when he comes home, I practically attack him.”
Mums smiled. “Is that what is troubling you? I doubt that Alex views it as a problem.”
Carmen’s face felt hot. “No. The problem is that I’ve spent so much time with the babies that I hurt Alex.”
Mums nodded, her gaze shifting back to the coffee cup. “He is sensitive about not being able to give you children. I suppose a man puts a certain amount of pride into the fact that he can father a child.” She shrugged. “I would have thought Alex was bright enough to realize that having the ability to father a child isn’t what defines a man.”
“I’m sure he does,” Carmen said. “But he takes his role as provider more seriously than most men. He knows how badly I wanted a baby, and it hurts him to think that he can’t provide one.”
Mum’s gaze lifted slowly from the coffee cup and fixed on Carmen. “But he can.”
Carmen looked away. She didn’t come here to discuss adoption with Mums and AI wasn’t something she would ever agree to. AI was for animals, not humans. That wasn’t the issue right now anyway. Or was it? How could Alex know why she had decided to spend so much time with the twins, or why she hadn’t gone with him to Texas? He had been incredibly good at reading her so far, but this was different. She hadn’t discussed anything with him willingly so far. Either someone had pushed her into it or she had avoided it. How could they communicate when she wouldn’t discuss things? Instead of discussing this with Mums, she needed to sit down and discuss it with Alex. Sitting around and waiting for him to initiate the discussion was a continuation of the neglect he had already been experiencing.
Her gaze swung back to Mums and she stood. “I’m going to talk to him about this if I have to tie him down to do it.”
Mums’ smile was wry. “That would be interesting to watch . . . but my guess is that you won’t have to do anything so drastic. Just remember, you each have been living alone for some time. Including the other in every plan is going to take some adjustment.”
Carmen walked around the table and leaned over to hug Mums. “Thanks for listening.”
Mums patted her arm. “Any time.”
The back door opened silently when she pushed on it, as if she were in a dream. Maybe Mums had shaken her awake from a daydream and she now walked in the light of reality. Alex had watched in silence as she struggled with the issue of wanting a baby. He had swallowed pride when he found the pregnancy test strip, and then again when she wanted to work in the nursery at church. He had tried to be happy for her when the twins came along – even accepted it gracefully when she had declined to go with him to Texas. And then, all those times when she had come home late, talking about the babies. He needed her companionship, yet he had listened patiently. There was a limit to his patience, and she had crossed it. If marriage to Alex had taught her one thing, it was that life without him now would be smaller. That was no surprise. She had agonized over that decision before they were married. Yet since their marriage, pregnancy had been her deepest concern. She had humiliated him – made him feel less of a husband for what he couldn’t provide. As Mums had pointed out – he could provide it. She was the one who kept saying no to his only possible solution.
Making the decision to marry him was the easy part. She wanted to do that. Deciding to give up motherhood was the hard part. Apparently following through with that decision was impossible for her. Even so, there was something else – something much more basic. If she hadn’t been so obsessed with the idea of having biological children, she might have seen it. More than likely, Alex did.
Since the day they met, one thing had been obvious to her. They were from completely different backgrounds. In fact, their differences had been so great that she hadn’t taken his interest seriously at first. Before they started having children, they needed to get to know each other. She still hadn’t been able to talk to him about her place on top of the mountain. If she didn’t want to complicate their relationship with that, how could she think of complicating it with children?
She stopped, sensing a presence. When she lifted her head, a horse stood in front of her. Her gaze rose to the rider and her pulse bolted as she met that bittersweet chocolate gaze.
For a moment they simply stared at each other. Retaining eye contact, she walked over to him and put a hand on his leg, gazing up at his somber features.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I don’t know what I can say or do to make up for the way I’ve treated you. It was inexcusable. My only defense is that I didn’t realize I was hurting you. I’d never do that intentionally. You mean everything to me.”
For an agonizingly long moment his gaze drifted from her eyes to her mouth, and then back again. Then the muscles in his leg tightened and she stepped back, allowing him to dismount. When he turned to her, she hesitated, waiting for any indication that he actually wanted her in his arms. He held the reins in one hand, watching her expectantly. Maybe he needed assurance as well.
She stepped toward him, lifting her arms. That was all it took. In an instant they were in each other’s arms. She snuggled against his chest, feeling the warm goodness of him.
“Oh my gosh, Alex,” she whispered. “I thought I had lost you.”
He hugged her close. “Not likely. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I had no right to talk to you that way.”
She leaned back, gazing up into his face. “You had every right – so many times, but you didn’t.” A tear rolled down her cheek and made a death defying leap to her coat. In the wake of its success, came more tears. “When you left last night and didn’t come home, I was afraid you might never come back.”
He frowned. “I had an emergency call.
“But why didn’t you answer my call?”
“Why didn’t you answer mine?”
He shook his head. “I called today.”
“Oh.” Her face turned warm. “I didn’t have my phone with me. I left it on the charger.”
He shrugged. “I left mine in the truck on the charger last night. By the time I got back to check it, I knew you’d be in bed. Anyway, I was on my way home.”
“You were avoiding me.” It started out as a question, but the answer was obvious – so obvious that he didn’t respond.
She sighed. “Who was the girl?”
He frowned. “What girl?” Comprehension removed the furrows between his brows. “News sure travels fast around here.” When she didn’t respond, he continued. “She was a homeless girl – kind of put me in mind of you.”
“You’re so sweet.”
He groaned. “I was anything but that last night. The look on your face . . . This morning I realized that the way I was acting would drive you right into his arms.”
It was Carmen’s turn to be perplexed. “Who?”
His lips twisted into a sardonic smile. “Josh.”
She rolled her eyes. “I keep telling you he’s married now.”
“Yeah, and I keep telling you he’s still in love with you.” He lifted a brow. “Was he the one who told you about the girl?” When she didn’t respond he concluded in a controlled tone. “I thought so. When was he at the house?”
“He called,” she said evenly. “What was her name?”
“Who?” His expression was bewildered for only a fraction of a second, and then he made a face. “I don’t know if she even told me. If she did, it probably wasn’t her real name anyway.”
Carmen smiled. “So you agree that a relationship between a man and a woman can be platonic.”
His gaze traveled over her face. “Oh, I believe your feelings for him are platonic. It’s him I don’t trust.”
“So, do you think I’m easily led or do you think he would force himself on me?”
His brows furrowed again and his gaze drifted off in thought. “Neither, I guess.” Finally his attention came back to her face. Leaning his head down, he kissed her softly on the lips. It was a kiss that lingered in an exciting way. When he finally ended the kiss and lifted his head, she gazed up at him.
“Mums says a couple should never go to bed angry.”
The dimple appeared below twinkling eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. If you’re going to be angry with each other, I can’t think of a better place to make up.
He released her and mounted Ed. Kicking a foot out of the stirrup, he reached down for her.
She grinned as she grabbed his hand and stuck a foot in the stirrup. “I suppose it is better than a lonely dirt road on a cold day.” She swung up behind him and put her arms around his waist.
He kicked Ed into motion and headed for the house. They were both silent for a while. The only sound was that of Ed walking and an occasional winter bird song. They were nearing the house when he finally spoke.
“What did Mums have to say about all of this?”
Carmen laughed softly. “Nothing, actually. I went there to talk to her, but I realized you were the one I needed to talk to, not her.”
He patted her hand. “That’s my girl.”
She grabbed his hand. “I realized something else too.” She hesitated. Maybe it wasn’t a good thing to bring up babies right now, but he needed to know. “I realized that no matter how much two people love each other, they need time to adjust to each other before they complicate their lives with the responsibility of children. Maybe in a few years, if we don’t have any of our own, we can adopt a child.”
He was silent for a long time.
“Alex?”
“I’m still here,” came the dry reply.
“Are you ever sorry you married me?”
He turned in the saddle until he could look at her face. “No.”
She smiled up at him. “I’m so glad I have you.”
He chuckled. “We’d better get back to the barn. I left Princess in a predicament,” he said as he kicked Ed into a lope.
There wasn’t time for more conversation, even if they had been able to talk through the jarring gait. At the barn Alex helped Carmen off the horse and dismounted. She opened the door and contained her curiosity until he led Ed inside. Then she rushed to the stall where Princess stood nickering.
“Don’t open the gate,” Alex cautioned as her fingers touched the latch.
She stopped and peered over the gate. A long wobbly form was standing in the fresh hay.
“The foal!” she gasped. “She had the foal!”
Alex was wiping Ed down with a cloth. He turned and grinned at Carmen. “Another filly.”
“When? Did you know it was going to happen? Were you here when she was born.” The questions tumbled out of her mouth without bidding.
“She was born about an hour ago, and yes, I was here when it happened. I looked for you, but I couldn’t find you and . . . we’ve already established that you didn’t have your phone with you. I noticed this morning that her nipples were dripping.”
Carmen caught her breath. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “Because you were sleeping and I knew I’d be coming home after I finished some things at work. I tried to call, but . . .”
Carmen rolled her eyes. “I know. I didn’t have my phone with me.”
She wandered over to watch him brush Ed. Leaning back against the wall, her hands behind her back, she contemplated the words she needed to say. A few times he looked up at her, as if to ask what was on her mind. He seemed to know she would talk when she was ready. Finally she plunged in.
“I thought there was something wrong with me.”
He glanced up at her, his hand still running the brush down Ed’s foreleg. His expression was apprehensive, but he said nothing.
“Every morning when you left, I was lost. Then, when the twins came along and I got through a day without feeling so lost, I thought they were a good way to keep my mind off of you.”
His hand stopped and his gaze became intent.
She continued. “I was ashamed of my desire. I figured you were getting tired of being attacked by me the minute you came through the door after work. I wanted to go with you to Texas, but . . . ”
“Well, that’s a relief,” he interrupted as he finished brushing Ed. He hung the brush on the wall and turned Ed toward his stall. “I thought you wanted to go, but when you declined, I decided I must have misinterpreted your interest.”
He put Ed in the stall and took the harness off before turning to Carmen.
“You have no reason to feel ashamed of desire for me. You’re a woman now, Carmen – my wife. Your body has accepted that, but your mind hasn’t.”
It was true. He had awakened a desire in her that she never knew existed – never thought about before now. Some cobwebbed corner of her mind still considered what they were doing as indecent. What difference did it make whether she thought of him that way every waking minute, or only when her mind wasn’t distracted by something else?
“There is nothing primal about the way we desire each other, sweetheart.”
True. Intimacy was neither the sole purpose nor the end result of their relationship. For them, it wasn’t a method of propagation, either. Maybe that explained her difficulty in justifying desire – the futility of it.
She covered his hands with hers and gazed up into those delicious chocolate pools.
“No, there isn’t anything primal about it.”
He smiled, freeing one hand to caress the curve of her throat. “I’ve missed you lately.”
She sighed, moving into his arms. “I’ve missed you too. I hope we never drift apart that way again.”
It occurred to her that this was the time to show him. She tipped her head back and looked up at his face. They stood for a moment looking into each other’s eyes. His gaze traveled over her face again.
“What?” He asked.
“Do you think we could ride up to the mountain? I have something I’d like to show you.”
His brows lifted in surprise. “Ride up the mountain in this kind of weather? What could be so important that it can’t wait for warmer weather?”
Of course he was right. The mountain trail would be slick. She loosed a deep sigh.
“I suppose it will wait.”
He held her in his arms a moment, looking down at her. Finally he shrugged.
“Why not? I’m up to a little adventure.”
“Really?” She stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “You’ll love it.”
He released her and turned to Ed’s stall.
“I hope so. You seem excited about it.”
Anxious would better describe her feelings. She watched as he saddled Ed again and shoved the rifle down into the boot. Then he led him outside, mounted and held a hand down to her.
“Come on. Show me the way.”
The snow had melted on the mountain trail, and the dry gray rocks provided sufficient traction for Ed’s hooves as they climbed higher into the hills. At the top, Alex reined Ed in and turned to look at Carmen.
“Which way now?”
“We’ll have to leave Ed here for a little while,” she said, pointing at a low limb. “We’ll walk the rest of the way. It isn’t far.”
He helped her to the ground and then dismounted, leading Ed to the tree. Tying the reins to a tree, he removed the rifle and turned to her.
“Let’s go.”
He followed her up a jumble of rocks to the top of the ridge. She led him along a dim trail that followed the edge of a granite cliff. Below they could hear water running over stones in the creek. They hiked around a clump of cedar and then they were there.
Alex didn’t see the two crosses at first. He was too busy looking at the scene below them. Rocks had been piled to make a shelter under the cliff across from them.
“Is that what I think it is?” he asked in a hushed voice.
Carmen shrugged. “I don’t know. Someone told me that it was built by Union soldiers hiding from the rebels during the Civil War. I wondered if Indians had built it.”
“This is amazing,” he said as he stepped closer to look into the ravine. He whistled. “It must be sixty feet to the bottom.”
He stepped back from the edge and turned to look at her. “Is that the same creek that . . .” His gaze shifted to the two crosses.
“What’s that?”
He walked over to examine the crosses and then squatted beside them, rifle across his knees, reading. His bewildered gaze lifted to her.
“Your parents were buried here?”
She shook her head. “Not exactly. Mom and Dad were both cremated. After Mom died, Dad and I put a marker here for her and buried her ashes here. Dad wanted me to bury his ashes here too. Sometimes, when things weren’t going well – or when they were going very well, I would come up here and talk to them.”
He stood and walked to her, taking her into his arms. He held her close for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was almost a whisper.
“My god, Carmen. I had no idea.”
He held her so close that she couldn’t have moved if she wanted to. She had thought he would either be impressed or think the idea was silly. Never in her wildest dreams would she have expected him to react so strongly. What was it that made him do so?
After a few minutes he finally released her.
“We’d better get back. It’s getting cold.”
She stepped back and looked up at him. He looked a little pale. Maybe the elevation bothered him too.
He took her hand and led her back down the trail without saying a word. When they got to Ed, he mounted and helped her up behind him. As they started back down the hill, he finally spoke.
“I know this place is important to you, but I want you to promise me you’ll never come up here alone again.”
She could have eased his mind by telling him she had only been up here once alone, and that was after Dad died. He didn’t need to know that the other times she had been there with Josh. That wouldn’t make him feel any better. Maybe there were some things that shouldn’t be communicated. Learning which ones probably took experience – a lot of it.
She hugged his waist. “I promise.”
His hand covered hers. “I never thought of doing anything like that for my parents.”
That was the only thing he said about it. Even so, it was more insight to the relationship he had with his parents than he had ever shown. What a shock it must have been for him to lose them both so suddenly.
That evening they discussed plans for her horse ranch and his safari - even researched on the internet together. Christmas was only a few weeks away – their first together. It had been in the back of her mind, but the babies had overridden even that degree of intimacy. From now on it would be different.
Bedtime began with their ritual of sitting on the window seat in each other’s arms, watching their farm in the growing darkness. There was something exciting and yet soothing about the way they sat, with her back leaning against his chest. His arms rested loosely on her waist, his hands holding hers captive.
Somewhere in the cold outdoors, a wolf howled. Alex shifted, and then his warm lips touched her neck in soft inquiry.
It was nice simply being a couple. There was so much they had to learn about each other. They would learn those things with or without children, but they could enjoy the intimacy of them much better when it was merely the two of them. By the time children came along, they would be ready to focus on them in unison.
She leaned her head back on his shoulder and released a deep contented sigh, smiling as his hands released hers and lifted to her bodice. Right now privacy was any place in the house, and she had the perfect husband to share it with. Right now, here on earth, things couldn’t get any better.