Semper Mine

Baba taps on my door in a familiar rhythm. I close the browser on my laptop and lean back from the office corner of my large bedroom.

"Kitty-Khav?" He opens the door. His large face breaks into a smile. "Why are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding. I don't want to be around anyone," I reply curtly.

"You've been up here for days."

"Just thinking, Baba."

He enters my room and closes the door behind him. My father goes to the couch facing a fireplace and sits, patting the spot beside him. Reluctantly, I join him. He wraps an arm around me the way he always does and kisses my forehead.

I sigh and sink into his warmth. He smells of his spicy aftershave, and his bushy beard tickles my temple.

"What is bothering you, kotyonik?" he asks. "It is not like you to hide."

I debate what to tell him. "It was a rough week," I say finally. "Being in the forest made me miss Mikael too much."

"He loved the forest."

"Yeah, I know."

We sit in silence.

"Petr and the boys will miss you, if you do not come down."

"I don't want to see anyone." Especially not Captain Mathis. I want to erase him from my life and curl up in his arms simultaneously. I can't really handle those emotions. I've been in deep thought for days and my head remains a disaster area.

"What is this?" Baba leans down to the coffee table to grab a jewelry box I forgot about.

"Nothing." I reach for it.

"We love secrets." He chuckles and plays keep away, finally flicking it open with his thumb. "I have not seen one of these in a very long time."

My face is hot. I take the box and close it.

"Ruptured Duck," he continues. "Mint condition. You looked hard for it?"

"No. Just … whatever."

"Who is it for?"

"No one, Baba."

I bought it the day after I came back with express shipping, wanting to give it to Captain Mathis, so he'd have his lucky charm when he returns to Iraq. I then decided it wasn't a good idea. He's not the kind of man I need in my life, and I don't want him thinking there's something between us, when there can't be.

He's a career military man. I'm a trust fund baby who can't figure out what to do with her life, but I'm pretty sure it's not wait around for a deployed boyfriend to come back from Iraq. I will never stop opposing the war and violence, and he will never stop being involved in them.

Even if the war is fought by good men like him and my brothers.