Reason to Breathe

“Yes, besides that.” I held my breath. No one besides Sara knew about my life, right? There was no way he could know. Then why was I so paranoid?

“Well, you intimidate most of the guys in the school, so you never get asked out. The girls think you’re stuck up and that’s why your only friend is the most popular girl in school. It’s assumed that no one else is good enough for you.” My eyes stretched wide as he continued. “Your teachers feel bad for you. They think that you put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect and are missing out on what high school’s all about. And your coach thinks he’s lucky to have you, and is confident the team’s a shoe-in for state champions this year as long as you don’t get injured.”

He became serious, noticing the awed look on my face. “But you’ve only been here a week,” I whispered. “People actually told you this?”

Evan paused in confusion before he asked, “You didn’t know any of this?” I could only stare at him. “I figured the reason you keep to yourself was because you were so confident, and you didn’t care what anyone thought of you. You really had no idea what they say about you?”

I shook my head. “Honestly, I never gave it much thought because it wasn’t important to me. I just need to get through high school.”

“Why?” he asked slowly.

It was the question I couldn’t answer, and the reason I shouldn’t talk to him. I was saved from having to lie when the crowd erupted as the announcer declared a touchdown for Weslyn. I looked up at the scoreboard to see Weslyn’s numbers change to 28, as the visitor’s remained 14. The clock held steady with less than two minutes remaining in the fourth quarter.

“I should go find Sara,” I said. “I’ll see you later.” I walked off before he could respond. There was so much to take in, and I didn’t know how to absorb it all.

I located Sara along the sidelines, behind the rope that separated the field from the track.

“There you are!” she exclaimed. “Did you see Jason run in that last touchdown?”

“I didn’t have a good view,” I confessed. She clapped and yelled for the defense to stop the ball.

Then she pulled me aside, away from the crowd. “First,” she said intently, “you are going to repeat every word of the conversation you had with Evan before we go to sleep tonight. Everyone’s been talking about you two. I think half the school already assumes you’re dating.” My mouth dropped open.

“I know, it’s stupid,” Sara huffed with a shrug. “No one’s ever seen you talk to someone besides me so much before. So most of the girls hate you, and the guys don’t get what’s so great about him. It’s actually kinda funny.”

“Great,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes.

“Anyway, after the game, I’m going to wait outside the locker room for Jason to ask him to go to the party. Will you wait with me?”

“Sure, but I’m not waiting by the locker room door. That’s all you. I’ll sit on the stairs, okay?

“Okay,” her eyes sparkled. “I can’t believe I’m doing this!”

“He’s going to say yes,” I assured her.

“I hope so.”

The air horn blared to declare the end of the game. There was a final cheer from the home crowd, congratulating the team for their win. The guys celebrated with chest bumps, and shoulder pad punches as they headed to the locker room.

Sara and I lingered while the crowd filed out through the gates. A few people asked if they’d see us at the party, to which Sara confirmed emphatically. Sara began silently wringing her hands as we got closer to the locker room. It was almost entertaining to see her this nervous. I’d never seen her so uncertain before.

“Wish me luck.”

“I’ll be right here,” I promised, climbing the steps to observe from above.

Sara paced back and forth in front of the open double doors. Every so often she glanced up at me anxiously, and I’d return an encouraging smile. Before long, the guys started coming out of the locker room, showered, dressed, and carrying their gear bags over their shoulders. Most of them greeted Sara as they exited. It was evident a few of the guys hoped she was waiting for them, only to be disappointed when she’d respond with a casual greeting.

Then the damp golden hair of Jason Stark walked through the doors. I held my breath in anticipation as Sara said, “Hi Jason.” Her voice didn’t project its signature confidence, but her smile made up for it.

“Hi Sara,” he responded. She’d definitely taken him by surprise. I listened intently.

A second passed - he was about to walk away when she finally asked, “Are you going to Scott’s party?”

He was caught off-guard again. “Um, I don’t know. I didn’t drive, and I think Kyle wanted to go home.”

“I could drive you if you want to go,” Sara blurted. I gasped. What was she thinking? She only had two seats in her car. She glanced up at me quickly and cringed in apology.

“Ah, I guess I could do that,” he agreed slowly. “You don’t mind?”

“No,” she answered casually. “I think you should celebrate your win.”

“Okay, let me find Kyle to let him know. I’ll meet you back here in a minute.” When he walked into the locker room, Sara looked up at me, jumping up and down, and opened her mouth to release a silent scream. I laughed.

“It sounds like you’ll need a ride to the party,” the confidently charming voice concluded from the bottom of the stairs. Startled, I whipped around to discover Evan looking up at me.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“How do you do that?” I shot back.

“What?”

“Appear out of nowhere. I don’t even hear you coming, and then all of a sudden, there you are,” I accused.

“I guess you just don’t pay attention. I think you’re too busy attempting to fade.” He chuckled. I scowled back in annoyance. “Well, do you want a ride to the party? Unless, you’re going to sit on Jason Stark’s lap?”

“You saw that? Do you usually go around eavesdropping?”

“I was taking victory shots after the game for the story and was heading to the locker room to get the rest of my things. I happened to notice they were having a moment, and waited here until it was over,” he defended. “Besides, it looks like you’re the one spying from up there.”

“I’m being supportive,” I snapped.

“Sure.” He laughed. I clenched my jaw, trying to contain my aggravation.

“Well, do you want a ride?” Evan persisted.

“Fine,” I said through my teeth. This only fueled his laughter before he walked toward the locker room. Why did he find me so funny? It annoyed the hell out of me. Then why was I driving to the party with him? Especially after hearing the latest gossip. If I showed up with him, it was only going to make it worse.

What did it really matter at this point? According to Evan, I wasn’t well liked by just about everyone – so who cared what they said if I pulled up with Evan? But I did care. Not being liked was so much worse than being invisible. I took a deep breath and blew it away before it could hurt. I didn’t need to know what people thought about me.

Before I could think too much more about it, Sara ran up the stairs. “Em, I am so sorry. It came out before I had time to think about it.”

I could see Jason waiting for her by the locker room.

“It’s okay. Evan’s giving me a ride,” I assured her.

“Evan? Really?” She narrowed her eyes and examined me.

“Don’t worry, I’ll see you there. Okay?” I forced a supportive smile to put her at ease.

“Okay,” she said, still hesitating.

“Really. Go. I’ll be right behind you.” Sara gave me a quick excited hug and skipped back down the stairs to Jason. I watched them walk off toward her car, already in conversation.

“Ready?” Evan asked from the bottom of the stairs. I jumped again. “You honestly didn’t see me coming from the locker room?”

“I guess I wasn’t looking for you,” I bit back.

“Let’s go.” He held out his hand, inviting me to take it. I creased my forehead in disbelief and walked past him. My rejection didn’t seem to faze him as he walked alongside me to the parking lot. Nothing about Evan made sense. But for some reason, I kept finding myself with him.

He approached a black BMW sports car. I never really paid attention to the cars in the lot. Most of the residents in town could afford luxury cars to complement their ginormous houses – so of course their kids also drove cars to reflect their parents’ success. Diversity in Weslyn came down to what you drove, not your ethnicity. So, I was a minority, especially since I didn’t have a car. Forget that, I didn’t even have a license.

Evan opened the passenger door for me, making me pause before I entered - not accustomed to the chivalrous gesture.

“Do you know where we’re going?” he asked as he closed his door.

“No, don’t you?”

He laughed. “I just moved here. I don’t know where anyone lives. I thought you would at least know that much.” I didn’t respond.

Evan rolled down his window and hollered to a couple of guys he recognized, “Dave, you going to Scott’s?” I couldn’t hear the answer. “Do you mind if I follow you?”

Evan started the car and drove around to get behind the silver Land Rover.

“I didn’t ruin your night, did I?”

“No,” I answered casually, removing the scarf from around my neck. “But if you don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about what other people think of me anymore, okay?”

“Never again,” he promised. “So what are the parties like in Weslyn?”

I snickered. “Are you seriously asking me?”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Well, I guess we’ll both find out tonight, won’t we?” I didn’t answer.

“If you want to do something else, I’m up for anything,” he offered. I looked over at him, my lungs paralyzed.

“No, I want to go,” I lied, almost choking on my words. “Besides, I’m meeting Sara there, remember?”

The Land Rover pulled away from the school, and we started down unfamiliar back roads. Evan turned on the radio. I wasn’t expecting to recognize the voice of a female singer bellowing about how life sucked to the strums of a heavy guitar. He turned it down so he could talk. What else could he possibly have to say to me?

“Where did you live before you moved here?”

I hesitated to decide if I could tell him without backing myself into a corner.

“A small town outside of Boston,” I replied.

“So you’ve always lived in New England?”

“Yup,” I answered. “Where in California are you from?”

“San Francisco.”

“Have you lived anywhere else besides here and San Francisco?”