Reason to Breathe

“Noticed that, huh?” My face instantly felt warmer.

“I think half the table noticed, but only he knew what it was about since everyone else was talking. So, when we made our escape, he happened to be on his way to the restroom and witnessed your gracious exit.”

“No way,” I breathed, my mouth open.

“Don’t worry; he thought it was pretty funny. He and my mother survive these dinners on gossip, so he told her what happened. My mother can’t stand the Jacobs, including Catherine, and was impressed by how you subtly put her in her place.”

“She’s impressed with me because I laughed at Catherine Jacobs? That was not very subtle,” I stated, dumbfounded.

“Well, you don’t know Catherine. She’s probably still trying to figure out why you were laughing at her,” he said with a quick laugh. “But my mother thinks you showed a lot of restraint, considering.” His mother must have misinterpreted my rudeness for something even I didn’t understand.

“Huh,” Jared mused, before taking his shot.

“Are you two going skiing this weekend?” I blurted in order to change the subject.

“Yeah, what are we doing this weekend?” Jared asked, directing his attention to Evan. “I want to get the snowboards out. We can go up Saturday and stay the night.”

“Don’t we have plans Sunday?” Evan turned to me for the answer.

“We could go out Friday instead,” Sara quickly threw in. I almost forgot she was behind me, she’d been so quiet. “Em, you can say you and I have to work on the Journalism assignment together. You can lie and tell them it’s due Monday, and since I won’t be around for the rest of the weekend, Friday is the only day available. Then we can all go out to a movie or something. Jared, you’re welcome to come too if you want.”

“You’re good with the lying to the parents’ stories, huh?” Jared observed, sounding impressed.

“I’ve had four years of practice,” she admitted, making me laugh.

“Sure, we can go out Friday,” Evan responded tentatively, looking to me for approval. I nodded in agreement.

“That sounds good to me,” Jared confirmed.

“Wait, what about Jason?” Evan asked, realizing that he was missing from the plan.

“Yeah, well, we won’t be seeing much of Jason anymore,” she confessed.

“What happened?” Evan countered.

“Um, he was just so… quiet,” she said with a smile. I knew what she really meant and let out a quick laugh.

“He was really nice,” she backtracked, “but I need a little more… spontaneity.” She smirked at me.

“Huh, I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out,” Evan offered.

“Thanks,” she replied, uncomfortable with the condolence.

We played a few games of pool and a couple rounds of darts before I realized that I needed to leave, so I could be home before George.

“I’ll be right back,” Evan told Jared, grabbing his coat.

“Oh, I’ll drive Emma,” Sara told Evan. Evan stopped with one arm in his sleeve and looked at me, questioning Sara’s offer. I shrugged.

“Okay,” he said reluctantly. “Then I’ll see you Friday.”

“I’ll call you to confirm the time,” Sara replied. “It was great to meet you Jared.” I lingered, not sure if Evan was going to walk us down. Sara noticed my hesitation and grabbed my hand to drag me down the stairs.

“Bye.” I waved before I disappeared.

“You are so full of shit,” Sara accused when we pulled out of the driveway. My jaw dropped. “If there was any more sexual tension in that room…”

“What?” I interrupted with a laugh. “You are definitely seeing things that aren’t there.”

“Am I?”

I couldn’t straighten the smile from my lips.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” she concluded from my lack of defense. “Emma, just be careful, okay?”

“I don’t understand you,” I confronted. “You keep saying how cute we are together and antagonizing me with questions about whether he’s kissed me – and now that… well, you’re not reacting the way I thought you would.”

“I was stupid for teasing you about kissing him. I’m sorry,” she admitted. “But now that I see your new friendship, I’m really afraid for you. If you can’t hide it around me, then Carol is going to destroy you if she picks up on it.”

“Don’t worry, Sara, nothing’s going to happen.”

I didn’t have to sit on the steps very long before George arrived home. It was easy to ask him if I could stay over Sara’s on Friday without Carol around. He agreed to the plan, reminding me I had to be home first thing on Saturday to do my chores. He had to work for a few hours on Saturday, so he warned me not to upset Carol while I was home alone with her. I promised, knowing that just breathing upset Carol, and there wasn’t anything I could do about that.

I survived Thanksgiving at Janet’s by not existing. I blended into the background as best as I could. When it came to cleaning up, Carol glowered at me in expectation of making myself useful, but Janet wouldn’t hear of it. Carol did everything she could to keep from blowing up, so I stayed out of her way in the living room, coloring with the kids while they watched the first Christmas movie of the season.

I drove home with George while Carol and the kids spent more time with her sister and her two daughters who were visiting from Georgia.

~~~~~

Sara picked me up in the morning so that we’d have the day together before we went to the movies. She wanted to go to the mall, but I begged her not to make me suffer through watching her try on a million pieces of clothes on the busiest shopping day of the year. She conceded to my pleading but still had to get a couple of things done before we went to lunch.

We stopped by a jeweler, so Sara could buy new earrings, then the seamstress, to pick up new clothes Sara had tailor fitted, and finally Sara splurged on pedicures for the two of us. It was Sara’s idea of the perfect girl day, minus the clothes shopping. I was just along for the ride, getting a glimpse of what it was like to be Sara McKinley.

We walked quickly to the house in the cold with flip flops on our freshly pedi-ed feet. Anna admired my light pink toes and Sara’s contrasting hot red while we sat and chatted on the couch. She was preparing a list of recipients for Christmas cards, so she could send them out the next week. I watched as Sara and her mom discussed their family and laughed about her dad’s side. I smiled at their connection, feeling like I was looking through the windows of the ideal family. It also ached at the same time, knowing how frigid it was on this side of the window.

“What time are the boys meeting you?” Anna asked.

“We’re going to an early show at six and then probably getting something to eat. We’ll come back here and hang out after,” Sara informed her mom, and me as well. This was the first time I was hearing our plans.

“Sounds great,” Anna replied.

“Let’s go figure out what I’m going to do with you,” Sara said, pulling me off the couch.

I sat on her bed as she sorted through her closet.

“Sara,” I called nervously. My tone made her stop what she was doing and step out of the closet so that I had her attention. “I don’t think I can afford dinner and a movie. I’ve stashed some money, but not enough to do both.”

I hated having to admit when I couldn’t afford to do the things she had in mind for us. And she knew I hated when she offered to pay for things. It was hard enough borrowing her clothes; forget about having her extend her wallet to entertain me.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said nonchalantly. “I have movie passes that I have to use, so you can save your money for food. The passes include drinks and popcorn, so it’ll work out. I actually have four, so the guys will use them too. Honestly, Em, they’ll probably want to pay for dinner, feeling bad that I’m supplying the movies.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely,” she confirmed dismissively. “I have the passes, so we might as well use them.” She ducked back into the closet, continuing her search.

“Do you have any more pink sweaters?” I yelled to Sara when I heard her groaning in frustration through the open door.

“No more pink sweaters for you,” she hollered in return. Then she poked her head out and said, “I should make you go in sweats actually.” I scowled at her.

“But you know I couldn’t do that. I love dressing you up too much,” she said with a smile. “Oh, I have it. I have this black shirt that will look amazing with dark jeans and wedged heels.” She revealed a scooping black top that looked like it was too small.

“No heels,” I protested.

“Uh, that’s not going to work,” she groaned. “Wait - what about boots. They have a thicker heel, so they won’t be so hard to walk in.” I shrugged in defeat. “Then I’ll pull your hair back in a curly ponytail and you’ll be adorable – to go to the movies with your friends.” I picked up on the sarcasm and stuck my tongue out at her.

My hair bounced in the ponytail as I descended the stairs with Sara. She had her long locks in a high ponytail as well and wore a sapphire blouse that showed off her eyes. She looked like she was going on a date, despite the supposed casualness of the evening.

I met Evan’s eyes and grinned back when he came into view at the bottom of the stairs.

“Don’t you two look nice,” Carl observed from the sitting room.

“Thanks, Dad,” Sara said, giving him a peck on the cheek and grabbing our jackets. “We’ll be back later.”

Jared’s silver Volvo waited for us in the driveway. Jared opened the passenger side door for Sara. She was heading toward the back door with me when the gesture caught her by surprise.

“Oh, thanks,” she said, slipping onto the passenger seat.

Evan opened the back door for me, before he went around to the other side and slid in next to me. He had my hand in his before we even left the driveway. My lips curled up at the warmth of his touch. As we drove, the proximity of our bodies gradually became closer until the sides of our jeans were gently touching. I couldn’t say that either of us moved intentionally, but there was a gravity that drew us together. My heart murmured in content.

In attempt to make up for her silence at Evan’s the other day, Sara did most of the talking, with Jared being her main audience - although she kept turning around to include us. I knew she was doing it to prevent us from doing anything in the dark of the backseat. Jared was an endearing captor to Sara’s charm. He laughed at the right time and commented intelligibly – I was relieved he was with us instead of Jason.

“No more pink sweaters?” Evan whispered while Sara discussed one of her favorite restaurants in New York, which coincidentally was one of Jared’s as well.

“I’ve been banned,” I whispered in return, nodding toward Sara. He looked from Sara back to me with his eyebrows pulled together. “Don’t worry about it.”