Reason to Breathe

I kicked the back of his thigh gently with my foot.

“Evan,” I called softly. He didn’t respond, so I pushed a little harder, rocking him. “Evan, you need to wake up.”

“Hmmm,” he groaned, peeking out from under his long dark lashes. He peered up at me and grinned. “Hi.” He stretched his arms above him and turned onto his back so that he could face me.

“Hi,” I whispered.

“What time is it?” he asked with a groggy voice.

“Two in the morning.”

“No way,” he replied in disbelief, pushing himself up to sit. “Why did you let me fall asleep?”

“Me? I think I fell asleep before you did.”

“Yeah,” he remembered, “that’s right. “

“Are you going to be okay to drive home?”

“Why? Would you let me sleep here?”

“No,” I admitted. “I was just trying to sound concerned.” He smiled - finally fully awake.

“Did I kick you off the couch?” he asked, trying to take in the scene.

“I slept just fine,” I admitted, avoiding his question.

Evan stood up and stretched again. He found his shoes and slipped them on his feet.

“Will I see you… today, actually?” he confirmed, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair.

“I have to be home by four, so I need to be back here by three. Would you rather sleep?”

“No, it’s Sunday. It’s my day – so, I’ll pick you up at ten, okay?”

“Can we make it eleven?” I countered, thinking about how late Sara and I would sleep in, and that we still needed to compare stories.

“Really?” he pleaded. “Ten-thirty?”

“Sure.”

I stood from the couch to walk him down the stairs. We snuck to the first floor, careful not to wake Sara’s parents. I stopped on the bottom step as he went for the door. He turned to look at me without saying a word. I stood with my arms crossed, bracing myself against the cold air seeping in through the open door. His lingering made me nervous, igniting a tingling in my stomach.

“Good night,” I finally whispered, trying to urge him to leave.

“Good night,” he replied and walked out the door.

I locked it behind him, and quickly ascended the stairs to Sara’s room. She was waiting for me in her bed.

“Did he kiss you?” she inquired eagerly.

“No! Sara, you can’t ask me questions like that - like you’re hoping he has - and then try to tell me we can’t date.”

“You’re right,” she admitted with a sigh. “I promise to try to be more consistent. But I really want you to kiss him.”

“Then keep it to yourself. Good night, Sara.”

I slipped under the covers after preparing for bed, compelling sleep to find me again, so I wouldn’t think about if I wanted Evan to kiss me.

20. The Room

“Are you awake?” Sara asked from the bed across from me.

“Uh huh,” I grumbled from under the covers. “I’m awake.”

“You need to wake up so you can tell me about dinner last night.”

I rolled over to face her. She was definitely more awake than I was, propped up on her elbow, waiting for me. I stretched and yawned loudly. I propped the pillow against the headboard and pushed myself up to sit.

“How was dinner? I can’t wait any longer,” she insisted.

I provided the details of the other dimension, including descriptions of Evan’s parents, the rude guests and how different Evan was around these people. I left Catherine for last. When I was done, Sara was laughing hysterically, not quite as hard as I did when it happened, but she did wipe tears from her eyes.

“I cannot believe you said that to her,” she finally managed to say.

“I couldn’t contain myself,” I confessed. “I guess it warmed me up for Jake’s party.”

“Wait, what happened at Jake’s party, besides everyone hooking up?”

“Let’s see - I met Drew Carson, and I thought he was such a nice guy until I realized what the party was all about, and then Jake followed me into the other side of the basement and tried to get me to go somewhere alone with him.”

“What did you do?” she asked, looking horrified. “I warned you not to go anywhere.”

“Sara, I had no idea what you were talking about. But when I finally got it, I basically told him there was no way in hell I was hooking up with him and came upstairs where I found you and Jason. Sara, Evan knew what kind of party it was when Jake invited me, and he didn’t warn me. He’s been to one before.”

“Seriously?” she asked in disbelief. “Wow, I didn’t think he was like that.”

“Neither did I,” I agreed. “And he swears he’s not and that he didn’t do anything. But he couldn’t tell me what he did. Maybe I really don’t want to know.”

“I do,” she exclaimed.

“Sara!” I looked at her, astounded. “He can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants. It’s none of our business.” Needing to change the subject, I asked, “What’s going on with you and Jason? How was your alone time?”

Sara sighed and fell on her back. It was not the reaction I was expecting.

“What?! Tell me!” I demanded impatiently.

“You and Evan did more on that couch last night than Jason and I have. Well, except we’ve kissed and even that took forever,” she confessed in frustration.

“What do you mean?”

“I know what you think of me,” she glanced over at me and my eyes apologized again. “But I don’t care; I like sex. He won’t touch me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think he’s into me.” The sorrowful disappointment resounded in her voice. I wasn’t sure how to console her.

“Do you still like him?’’

“I’m not sure of that either.” After a moment in silence, she cautiously brought up, “So, we never got to talk about what happened the other night with your mom showing up at the game.”

“I’d rather not,” I blurted. “It’s just too much to think about.” I didn’t want to let myself go back there to that night, or any other that involved my mother. It was too painful.

Sara respected my withdrawn response without a word. She glanced at the clock next to her bed and asked, “What time is Evan picking you up?”

“Ten-thirty,” I told her and then glanced at the clock too. “Sara, he’s going to be here in an hour. I need to take a shower. But we’re not done talking about you and Jason. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” she sighed.

Evan arrived at exactly ten-thirty – I was barely ready.

“What are we doing today?” I asked, feeling the warm November sun on my face through the car window as we drove away from Sara’s.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you.”

When we pulled into his driveway, I was surprised to find a silver BMW parked there as well. I’d never seen another car in his driveway before. Then it struck me that someone else was home. Could I possibly face his parents after my humiliating performance last night?

“Who’s home?” I asked, hoping he’d tell me, no one.

“My mom. Don’t worry, we probably won’t see her.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when the kitchen door opened and his mother stepped out to greet us.

“Or maybe you will,” Evan corrected in surprise.

Vivian was dressed in wide legged black pants with a fitted blue turtleneck sweater that flattered her petite figure. I couldn’t get over how refined she looked, even without all the glitz.

“Emily,” she said with a smile, “it’s nice to see you again.” I smiled cautiously, not understanding the warm reception. Even Evan was scrutinizing her greeting.

We met her at the bottom of the porch steps and she gave me a brief embrace. I froze, unable to return it since it happened so quickly, and I honestly wasn’t expecting it.

“I understand you and Evan have planned to spend the afternoon together. I think that is wonderful,” she glowed.

“Mom, what’s wrong with you?”

Vivian looked at him disapprovingly.

“Evan, I’m happy to see Emily again, that’s all.” She smiled at me apologetically for Evan’s rudeness.

“We’re going in the garage,” he told her, eyeing her suspiciously.

“It was great to see you,” she said. “Perhaps you could come over for dinner sometime.”

“Um, that would be nice,” I answered in shock. I replayed our interaction last night, not understanding why she was being so nice to me.

I followed Evan into the garage, but instead of going upstairs to the rec room, he opened the door leading into the other half of the garage. When we were behind closed doors, he paused, his eyes flickering in deliberation.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I have no idea why she’s acting so strange, and it’s making me really nervous. I’m trying to remember if I said something, or overheard anything to explain it. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

“I was actually trying to come up with the same answer,” I admitted. “I was expecting her to despise me after my humiliating clumsiness last night. Besides, I thought for sure Catherine would’ve said something.”

He smiled, remembering my departing comment.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that by the way,” I told him, looking at the floor.

“What are you talking about?”

“I should have helped you out more than I did during dinner, instead of laughing. I really wasn’t laughing at you. I felt bad that you had to put up with her. I was laughing at how ridiculous she was.”

“Don’t worry about it. You definitely helped in the end with that priceless exit.” He smiled, and I smiled back.

“Okay, what are we doing?” I asked, looking around the expansive space. There were two ride-on lawn mowers, a jet ski and some other recreational vehicles parked in the otherwise empty space.

Evan walked over to a black dirt bike and handed me a red helmet.

“We’re going for a ride,” he said, kicking up the stand and rolling it toward the large door at the other end. He pressed a button and the door rolled open.

I watched him, not sure if my legs could move, let alone about walk.

“Evan, I’m not sure that’s a great idea.”

“Trust me, you’ll love it.” He fastened a black helmet on his head. I warily walked out to him and slid the helmet on my head. What the hell was I doing?

Evan helped me fasten the strap and showed me where to sit and place my feet. He explained that the path was pretty flat, but to expect to bounce a little. Great, not only was this my first time on a bike, but this one could potentially throw me off!

Evan kicked the starter and the dirt bike revved to life. The explosive rumble caused my heart to falter. It didn’t help when he throttled it a few times. He motioned for me to get on. Before I could talk myself out of it, I climbed up and threw my leg over the seat. I slid closer to his back and put my hands on his waist. He grabbed my hands and pulled them around him. Once we started, I understood why.