Reason to Breathe

“Oops.” I smiled, covering my mouth. “I didn’t realize we were supposed to be quiet.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, smiling back. “They’re just taking this way too seriously.” I was confused by what he meant, but most of tonight seemed confusing. I’d figure it out eventually, hopefully.

“Do you do anything else besides play basketball and ski?” I asked, still trying to keep the conversation alive, but not as stressed after our outburst.

“I surf and try to go white water kayaking when I can.” Then he continued to talk about the best waves he’d ever surfed – in Australia. I listened and was soon engrossed in his story.

We continued back and forth until it occurred to me that it had been a long time since Evan, Sara and Jason disappeared. I glanced around casually while contributing to the conversation but was unable to make out any of their faces in the dark corners.

“I’ll be right back,” I announced. “I’m going to get another drink.”

“I need to run up to the bathroom,” Drew said, pointing up the stairs. “Meet you back here?” He actually wanted to keep talking to me?

“Sure,” I agreed.

I walked through the space with the sectionals again, discretely trying to look at the faces to find Evan or Sara. I was shocked to walk in on a few couples kissing - heavily. It didn’t seem to bother them that I was there or that there were other couples next to them doing the same thing. I kept my eyes to the ground until I heard the heavy breathing and walked faster.

When I was behind the closed door, I tried to figure out how I was going to get through there again. I inspected the other side of the basement, hoping there was a door that connected to the pool table side, but was disappointed. The only other door was a bulkhead that led to the backyard. Was I that desperate?

“There you are.” I spun around and found Jake closing the door behind him.

“Hi Jake,” I responded casually, trying to conceal my anxiety.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you all night,” he confessed while approaching me. “But I didn’t really want to do it here.” He presented the dingy surroundings, sounding overly cocky. “Let me show you around the house, and we can find somewhere private to…” he paused before adding, “talk.” He smirked like it was an inside joke. Everything suddenly made sense. I remained still, catching myself before dropping my mouth wide open in shock.

“Uh, well…” I stumbled, looking past him to the closed door. “Thanks, but I don’t need a tour. We can talk at the bar?”

“I was hoping for some place with less people.” He winked. No way, again?! I couldn’t help myself; the words were coming out of my mouth before I could stop them.

“Who are you?” I questioned, aghast at his boldness.

“What?” he questioned in shock.

“This is a hook up party, isn’t it?” It came out more as an accusation than a question. I couldn’t believe how long it had taken me to figure it out.

“Whatever happens, happens,” he said with a devious smirk. I remained dumbfounded by his arrogance.

“And so you decided to invite me?” I questioned, unable to imagine how that made sense.

“Why not?” he asked, not catching on, still overly confident.

“You obviously don’t know me,” I bit, unable to conceal my disgust. “Why would you think I’d want to hook up with you?”

“Ouch,” he replied, not looking pleased anymore.

Before I could say anything else that would make me not want to show my face in school again, I hurried past him to discover that the door was open. Evan stood in the frame, with his hand still on the handle. I didn’t know how long he’d been listening, but it must have been for most of it because he greeted me with his amused grin.

“You are so dead,” I threatened as I pushed past him. It only added to his amusement as he let out a small laugh.

“Hey, Emma,” Drew started when he saw me approaching. Then he looked at my face, which hid nothing, and asked, “What happened?”

“Were you in on this too?” I bit.

I didn’t wait for his answer as I rushed up the stairs and found Sara and Jason talking in the kitchen with their jackets on.

“Can we please go?” I pleaded. “This is too weird.”

“We were just coming to get you,” Sara admitted. “I was wondering how long it was going to take for you to want to leave. Let’s go back to my place.”

“Sure,” Evan agreed from behind me.

I turned sharply and snapped, “I don’t think she was inviting you.” Sara’s eyes widened at my attack. I continued down the hall to retrieve my jacket from the closet.

Sara and Jason headed to Sara’s car while I paced myself a step ahead of Evan to his.

After he shut his door, he said, “I should have warned you. I’m sorry.”

“Evan, you knew, and you still let me come here?” I yelled.

“I knew nothing was going to happen. I wasn’t afraid you were going to do anything, and I hoped that you’d let Jake see you’re not into him – which you definitely did. I’m so sick of hearing him talk about…” He stopped himself.

“I’m sorry, really.” His face was serious and his eyes soft, forcing my anger to dissipate.

“Fine, you can come over to Sara’s.” I still found it difficult to be upset with him for very long.

After we pulled out of the driveway, my stomach shot out a charge that caused my heart to stammer. “Evan, where were you? And you said you’ve been to one of his parties before. Are you serious? Did you… who… no way.” My voice grew louder with each unfinished question.

Evan laughed.

“Forget it, it’s none of my business,” I murmured quietly, looking out the window. I was tormented by the possibilities.

“Relax. Jake was trying to keep me distracted by introducing me to some girls, so he could talk to you. He was pissed that I was there. He knew you’d bring Sara, and she’d probably bring Jason, but he wasn’t expecting me. So I was just talking - like you were with Drew Carson, right?” My heart skipped a beat.

“I’ve only been to one other party of Jake’s, and I didn’t know what they were all about when accepted the invite. I didn’t…” He had a hard time finding the words. I turned to look at him, realizing he couldn’t tell me what he’d done.

“Really?” I accused in shock.

“It’s not what you think,” he defended. “I’d rather not get into details.” We were quiet for a moment. I stared out the window at the silhouetted trees and the occasional up-lit house.

“Does that really bother you?” he finally asked.

“What?”

“That I may have kissed a girl or whatever at one of Jake’s parties?”

I hesitated before answering. “I didn’t think you were like that,” I replied softly.

“I’m not,” he claimed emphatically. “That’s why I’ve only gone to the one party, and I didn’t do what you probably think I did. That’s not what interests me. It’s too important of a decision to pick someone at random, in someone else’s house.”

I let out an awkward laugh and tried to catch myself before I let out another.

“What’s so funny?”

“I can’t talk about this with you.” I let out another uneasy laugh. “It’s too weird. Sorry.”

“You think talking about sex is weird?”

“No. Talking about it with you is weird,” I emphasized. “Can we please change the subject?”

“So, you’ve never…” he started.

“Evan!” I yelled.

“Of course not,” he concluded quietly.

“And you have?” I asked before I could shut my mouth.

“I thought we weren’t talking about it.”

“We’re not,” I said, turning to look out the window again. We didn’t say another word until we pulled into Sara’s driveway.

“Do you still want me to come in?” he asked.

“Do you still want to?” I asked in return.

“Of course I do.”

“Then come in.”

We followed behind Sara and Jason into the house. Sara let her parents know we were home before we headed up the stairs.

“Would you mind if Jason and I watch a movie in my room?” Sara whispered as she and I followed a few steps behind the guys to the third floor.

“Are you serious?!” I asked. She begged with her widened eyes. “Fine.” I conceded. She smiled gratefully.

Sara bent over the couch as Jason sat down and whispered in his ear. He grinned and followed her into the bedroom. Evan looked to me, trying to interpret what just happened.

“They want alone time,” I shared. He nodded, suddenly understanding.

“What movie are we watching?” I inquired, sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

“Are you going to stay awake this time?”

“Yes,” I stressed, appearing offended.

Evan selected a movie about a small town, where people were inexplicably disappearing.

After a while, the exhaustion started pulling at me, so I grabbed a pillow and curled up in the empty space on the couch next to Evan to continue watching the movie – still committed to staying awake. I began fighting with my eyelids as they attempted to glue themselves shut every time I blinked. Finally, I gave in.

“Emma,” Sara whispered, gently shaking my shoulder. She sounded distant as I struggled against consciousness – I was too comfortable. “Em, you know it’s two o’clock in the morning, don’t you?”

Her whisper was louder, coming in more clearly. I groaned to acknowledge I heard her. Then I felt the weight around my waist and warmth against my back. I blinked my eyes open, attempting to focus. I heard the rhythmic breathing behind my ear and felt the warm breath upon my neck. My eyes grew wider.

“What are you doing?” Sara demanded. I glanced behind me in surprise.

“Sara,” I whispered emphatically, “how could you let this happen?” I carefully removed the arm from around my waist then slowly slid off the couch. I looked at Sara with huge eyes and my mouth open accusingly.

“Me? I didn’t do anything,” she whispered firmly. I crept over to the stairs; Sara followed.

“I fell asleep,” I whispered vehemently. “I had no idea he was still here; forget about that.” I pointed to his position on the couch.

Sara tried not to laugh. “Em, you two looked so cute.” I swatted at her arm.

“Knock it off Sara,” I demanded, still whispering. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Wake him up and kick him out.”

“Why can’t you?”

“He’s all yours.” She laughed and went to her room.

“Sara,” I yelled in a whisper at the closed door.

I sighed, looking over at the couch. He did look so peaceful lying curled up on his side. I folded my knees into me as I scrunched at the end of the couch next to his feet. I watched him sleep for a minute, trying to build up the nerve to wake him.