Reason to Breathe

I drew my brow together. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Because what she did was completely offensive. I was bothered by it, so I can’t believe that you weren’t.”

I shrugged slightly and dropped my eyes to the floor. “I’m really not sure what to expect.”

“You should never expect that,” he stated while taking hold of my hand and raising my chin with his other hand. I couldn’t breathe when I turned my eyes up at him. “Okay?”

“Sure,” I whispered, glancing away.

This was the strangest night of my life. I was in the most exquisite house I’d ever seen, surrounded by people who assumed they had the privilege to say anything they wanted, regardless of how distasteful, and Evan was talking and acting ten years older than he was. He was right - Jake’s party was going to be easy after this.

We were greeted and I was introduced to more people throughout the longest hour of my life. They’d ask Evan a question and cut him off to talk about themselves. Finally, as I was becoming cross-eyed to feign interest in another mind-numbing story, a bell chimed and Mr. Jacobs requested that everyone make their way into the dining room for dinner.

I found that after all of this stifling drama, I was starving. We entered a long dimly lit room with the same large arching windows framed in dark red drapes that showcased the back terrace. The top half of the walls were covered in antiqued glass mirrors up to the ceiling, while the bottom half duplicated the ivory wood casings in the previous room. Another impressive stone fireplace centered the wall opposite the windows.

A long dark wooden table divided the room, with the windows on one side and the fireplace on the other. Complimenting the grand table were tall, straight-back chairs – closer to forty chairs than the twenty Evan guestimated. The table was set with delicate china bordered with gold scrolling, along with a collection of elegant glassware and flatware. Small silver cups of colorful flowers and glowing crystal votives were intermittently dispersed along the center of the table. A stunning crystal chandelier was suspended over us, creating a soft ambience enhanced by a crackling fire.

Evan pulled out my chair for me to sit before sitting to my left. To my changing fortune, Dr. Eckel sat to my right. He was the only person I’d met who was not self righteous and rude, but then again, he didn’t say much at all. That was fine by me too.

However, keeping with the momentum of the evening, on Evan’s left was Catherine, who scooted her chair closer to him. She took a sip from an oversized wine glass and leaned towards him.

“What Evan, not drinking tonight?”

“I’m driving,” he explained.

“You don’t have to,” she whispered, still loud enough that I could hear her. My back straightened, and I tried to take a sip of water to distract me. I didn’t dare look over at them.

“Evan, I’ve missed you,” she breathed. I choked on the water, coughing mid-gulp. I couldn’t stop coughing. Everyone stared at me as I tried to contain my fit in my napkin.

“Sorry,” I whispered, looking around at the startled faces. My face was red, not only from choking, but also from the words I’d just overheard.

“Are you okay?” Evan asked, trying to turn his back to Catherine.

“Yes,” I replied apologetically. “I swallowed wrong, I’m sorry.”

A line of servers entered the room, holding shallow bowls in each of their hands. The bowls were set in front of every person simultaneously. It was very impressive to witness.

“Start with the silverware on the outside and work your way in,” Evan whispered. I looked down at the lines of silver. How much could we possibly eat to need all of this?

“Evan, don’t ignore me,” Catherine demanded while we ate our soup. It didn’t appear that anyone else could hear her whispers over the murmurs of conversation that bounced around the cavernous room. I heard her because I was sitting next to Evan, and Dr. Eckel was as mute as I was.

“I’m not ignoring you, Catherine.”

“When are you visiting me in Boston again?” she asked. “We had so much fun the last time. Remember?” She released a high pitched giggle.

My head cocked in reaction to this artificial sound. Did she really force a giggle? Who does that? I tried to hold in my laughter and ended up coughing again, receiving a few more glances.

“I’m really busy right now,” Evan explained, glancing at me. I couldn’t look at him.

“But I haven’t seen you since I started school in August. Don’t you miss me?”

I couldn’t wait to hear his response to this one.

“I had a good time.”

Nice one, Evan.

“I can promise you a better time. Why don’t you come up next weekend? “

“Aren’t you on break for Thanksgiving?”

“Then come visit me here.”

“My brother will be home. I think we’re going skiing.”

“Evan,” she whined. “Don’t make me beg you.”

Was she serious? I took another gulp of water trying to suffocate my urge to laugh. I swallowed it without incident but found I was soon out of water. To my astonishment, it was quickly refilled by a body dressed in a tuxedo who appeared out of nowhere with a silver pitcher.

Catherine sulked during the second and third courses. I had no idea what I was eating because the courses didn’t resemble anything I could conjure up as food. But I tried them and was pleasantly surprised to discover that I liked them.

“How are you doing?” Evan leaned over to ask me.

“I’m doing just fine, thank you.” I grinned. I still couldn’t look at him, because that meant I would see her too. I didn’t know if I could do that and keep a straight face.

“How are you doing?” I inquired, still grinning.

“I’m ready to leave actually,” he admitted. A smile broke out on my face with the escape of a small laughing cough.

By the fifth course, which I did recognize to be beef, I had consumed three glasses of water and really needed to use the bathroom. The thought of standing up in front of all of these people and slipping out of the room unnoticed kept me paralyzed in my chair. But the settling pressure made taking one more bite unbearable.

“I have to use the restroom,” I whispered to Evan.

“I’m not sure where they are,” he admitted. “But you can ask one of the servers, and they’ll let you know where to go.”

Thankfully, the entrance was behind us. I held my breath as I slowly slid my chair away from the table. A loud scraping sound filled the room, disrupting every conversation. I grimaced and looked around apologetically at the same annoyed glares I’d been receiving all evening. I slipped out of the chair, and with as much concentration and grace as I could gather, I walked toward the open door. Next to it was a woman in a tuxedo with her dark hair neatly tied back into a low knot.

“Excuse me,” I whispered. “Could you please tell me where the restroom is?”

“Go right out this door, and you will find them tucked on either side of the staircase. It doesn’t matter which you use.”

“Thank you.” I smiled at her and stepped out the door. As I crossed the threshold, the heel of my shoe caught on the lip of the doorframe, faltering my fragile balance. I took several stammering steps into the foyer, trying to prevent myself from falling on my face. I recovered and remained on my feet, but the hard steps echoed like thunder throughout the foyer.

Evan came rushing out. “Are you okay?” he asked, prepared to scoop me off the floor.

“I’m fine,” I replied, standing up straight. I pulled my sweater taut over my hips and took a quick breath before continuing to the restroom. I remained in the small space for longer than was necessary, fanning my face in attempt to reduce the shade of scarlet to a less noticeable red.

When I returned to the table, my unfinished beef course had been removed, and a plate with small portions of cheese, garnished with a fan of strawberries and tiny grapes was set in its place. Catherine was hovering over Evan, whispering in his ear while stroking the back of his neck. I fought the temptation to glance over at him when I eased back into my seat.

Whatever Catherine was saying to Evan, she was saying it low enough that I couldn’t hear. At the end of the course, Evan excused himself and slid out of his chair. I turned toward him to see his red face before he left the room. Catherine giggled, watching him go. I caught her eye and stared at her, questioning. She smirked with a raised eyebrow before taking a sip of wine. I looked away and placed a grape in my mouth, unnerved.

Evan entered through a door at the other end of the fireplace and leaned over to whisper into his parents’ ears, who were sitting toward the head of the table with the Jacobs’. He tilted his watch and said something else. His mother gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Evan approached Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs to exchange a few words before shaking their hands. He exited the door and re-entered the one behind me.

“Ready?” he whispered, leaning over the side of my chair.

“Sure,” I replied, setting down my glass of water.

He helped pull my chair out without making the same bellowing noise I did earlier. We walked into the foyer, and Evan provided a card to the same poised gentleman in the tux to retrieve our coats.

“Leaving so soon?” Catherine asked, as she sashayed across the marble floor.

“We have another commitment,” Evan stated flatly.

“You will come back to visit me, won’t you Evan,” she demanded, rather than questioned.

I couldn’t contain myself any longer. As Evan slid the coat over my arms, I started laughing. At first in spurts - because I was trying to hold it in. But then there were tears in my eyes, and I couldn’t stop it from erupting.

“Are you laughing at me?” she asked.

“Actually, yes I am,” I stated with my eyes watering. My face reddened as I covered my mouth to capture another bout of laughter.

Evan smiled wide and said, “Good night, Catherine,” before escorting me out.

Once the door closed behind us, I couldn’t hold back. I laughed so hard, I had to bend over to support myself with my hands on my knees. I couldn’t see through the tears that were streaming down my face. I tried to compose myself, wiping the moisture from my cheeks, and took a couple steps forward.

Then I thought of her whine and giggle, and lost it again. I collapsed onto the top stone step, holding my stomach as I convulsed with laughter. After it was too painful to laugh anymore, I took a deep breath and wiped my cheeks again. Evan stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching me with an amused expression.

“I’m glad you found that funny,” he observed with his hands in his pockets.

“Please don’t mention it,” I groaned, trying not to laugh. “I can’t laugh any more. It hurts. Let’s just say we’re even.”

19. Not Laughing

“Ready for Jake’s party?” Evan asked from the driver’s seat, easily releasing the formal disposition I’d witnessed most of the evening.

“After that, I’m ready for anything.”