Providence (Providence #1)
Page 15I flipped around and pushed away from him. “I’m not humiliated about Stacy! That was years ago! I’m humiliated because of this!” I said, gesturing to the space between us. “When you meet someone new, that’s the way it’s supposed to be! New! You know al of my bad habits…you’ve seen me do God knows what. You’re only supposed to know the best parts about me in the beginning!”
He stood there for a moment, shaking his head with an expression of confusion and awe. “I love everything about you.”
It was at that moment that I realized why his eyes seemed so familiar to me. “You were there,” I whispered, scanning his face.
Beyond the cocktail dresses, the twinkling lights draped from every tree and light post, and the smel of the freshly cut grass and imported flowers my mother insisted on, his eyes flickered in my memory. I pressed deeper, feeling the light sheen of perspiration on my skin from the exceptional y warm night, the smel of the chlorine from the pool, and the sounds of the crowd humming in happy, flowing conversation.
When I glanced across the lawn at my father, I caught the glowing blue eyes of a stranger standing by the koi pond. His tailored suit and absent tie set him apart from the sea of tuxedos. Our eyes connected for only a second before he reluctantly pul ed them away to face my father, who was having a low, serious conversation with him.
My memory replayed in slow motion as the chiffon of my short, white dress waved gently against my legs. Once again his stormy blue eyes singled me out of the crowd, and I shied away from his stare.
I snapped back to the present when Jared cal ed my name.
“You were speaking to my father by the pond. That was you,” I said, my eyes wide with realization.
Jared’s brows pul ed in. “You remember that?”
“It was just before I’d gone to the pool house. Jack was by the pond, talking with that face he made when he was giving orders.” I tried to recal every detail I could. “You were throwing rocks in the pond; I only saw you for a moment, but that was you, wasn’t it?”
Jared nodded slowly. “I wanted to throw Stacy out, take him somewhere and…I don’t know. Punish him, I guess. Jack refused, but he realized how I felt about you, then. He insisted that my family, including me, be kept a secret from you indefinitely. That was a rough night,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.
“I am so sorry,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say. My heart ached for al the years he’d spent as a ghost.
Jared took my hand in his and pul ed it to his chest. It was then that I realized I’d been absently twisting my Peridot ring around my finger.
“I picked up this ring, you know,” he said, softly pressing his lips against my fingers. “Cynthia was up to her neck in party details and she’d forgotten to get it,” he smiled. “And because you were in my father’s presence, I was sent to pick it up for you.”
“Great. They used you as a gopher.”
“I volunteered. I wanted to,” he explained. “I can’t describe the way it made me feel to see your smile when you opened the box. You were so pleased with it, and I had a part in that,” he said. His smile faded. “Later, it helped a little with the…misery of never being able to console you when I’d see you twist this ring around your finger. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it has always been comforting to see you reach for it when you’re upset.”
I stared at him, bewildered. I wasn’t sure how to feel; even with the suspicions I’d already had, I couldn’t have prepared myself for what he was tel ing me.
“Please don’t leave,” Jared whispered, stil holding my hand to his chest.
I looked down at my feet and then reached down to unbuckle the straps of my shoes from around my ankles. “You’d just fol ow me if I left, right?” I said, kicking off my shoes.
“Even if it weren’t my job,” he said with an impish grin. He looked down at my bare feet. “I’m glad you’re staying, we stil have quite a bit to discuss.”
“There’s more?”
Jared nodded and led me to his smal , grey couch.
“Maybe we should save the rest for another night. It’s a lot to take in,” he sighed.
I ignored him. “Why did you sit beside me on that bench the night of Jack’s funeral?”
“You were crying. Jack was gone. I couldn’t think of any more reasons to stay away.”
“What about your father? Didn’t Gabe care that you were breaking the rules?”
I gasped. “Gabe is…?” I couldn’t finish.
Jared had comforted me just hours after his own father’s death. I gently pul ed his chin to face me. His eyes were thick with grief, as if he was experiencing it for the first time.
It dawned on me how it must have felt to Jared, to see me suffering, and the deep need he struggled with to make it go away. I felt the same urgency that very moment. My eyes focused on the thin line between his lips, and I moved a bit closer to him.
Jared rested his soft hands on each side of my face. He leaned in slowly, inches from my mouth. His jaw tensed; he seemed to be struggling with what he had been told was the right thing to do and what he wanted.
He shook his head. “This isn’t why I brought you here,” he said, pul ing away from me.
“I know,” I sighed.
Jared stared at the floor, working to even out his breathing.
I touched his arm. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’ve had enough truth for one night.”
“Do you want to leave?” he asked, concerned.
“No!” I paused to regain my composure. “No. I just meant that maybe we could talk about something else…if you want,” I fidgeted. “Your training, what schools you went to, friends…girls,” I said, a corner of my mouth turning up.
“Girls?” he repeated, raising an eyebrow.
“You know about my utter failure when choosing a boyfriend, and I’m sure you saw the awkward dates I’ve been on.”
“Those were never a good day at work for me,” he said, furrowing his brow.
“It’s only fair,” I reasoned. “You must have had at least one bad date….”
Jared shook his head dismissively. “I didn’t have time to date.”
I wasn’t sure what expression was on my face, but it made Jared’s eyes squint with chagrin. He clearly didn’t expect to talk about his love life, or lack thereof.
“I was focused on keeping you alive. Making mistakes in my family means more than having to say you’re sorry.”
“Never?”
Jared shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It wasn’t that I never had the opportunity, or that I wasn’t al owed the time…or even incessantly encouraged,”—his face twisted into a disgusted scowl—“I just had my priorities.”
“Should I feel guilty or flattered?”
Jared looked straight into my eyes. “By the time it occurred to me to care about things like that, I already knew you were al I’d ever want.”
I control ed my eyes from bulging from their sockets, but I couldn’t stop my mouth from turning up into a half surprised, half appreciative grin. My eyes focused on his lips again.
“So…why did you bring me here?”
He shrugged. “You said al I had to do was tel you the truth. That was al I needed to hear.”
“When did I say that?” I felt my eyebrows pul in as my mind rewound the night’s conversation.
“In my room? How did you hear that?”
Jared sighed and sat tal er in his seat, bracing for round two. “Just hear me out before you leave,” he said in a low tone. “It’s my duty to protect you. I can’t do that without knowing where you are at al times. I couldn’t walk around freely in your dorm, so we had to have eyes and ears in place.”
“What do you mean eyes and ears?”
“Your father was meticulous.” He was stal ing.
“Spit it out, Jared.”
“When you were accepted into Brown, Jack had cameras instal ed in Andrews and different places on campus. We tracked the GPS in your car of course, but that had been in place the day Jack bought it. We tracked the GPS in your cel phone as wel , and your parents’ house has always been wired.” Jared spoke casual y, but he was braced for another outburst.
“There’s a camera… in my room?” I spoke slowly, the anger and shock nearly choking my words.
“No! No, no, no…,” Jared chuckled nervously. “There’s a camera in the hal . We only placed a mic in your room.”
I considered that for a moment, trying to recal if I’d ever done anything embarrassing. Nothing came to mind—I hoped that nothing would.
Jared squirmed. “Just to be clear, I don’t enjoy invading your privacy in that way, but it is necessary.” I pouted as a smile spread across his face.
“Wel , that’s not true. I enjoyed it last night.”
I tensed, closing my eyes. “What did you hear?”
Jared’s warm hand touched mine. “I heard Beth say that you loved me. And I didn’t hear you deny it.”
My eyes popped open. “You heard wrong, then. I did deny it.”
“I heard you try to convince her otherwise. Are you tel ing me that I’m mistaken?”
I pul ed my hand from his in defiance. I didn’t like being ambushed.
He smiled at my stubbornness. “The second you walked away from me, my choice was clear.” His expression didn’t last long when I didn’t return his smile. “You’re angry.”
“I have no secrets,” I sulked. “Does my mother know about this?”
Jared nodded. I threw up my hands in frustration, letting them smack loudly into my lap. He kneeled in front of me on the floor, forcing me to look at him.
“It was necessary, Nina,” he said, lightly touching my bare knees.
“So that’s how you always miraculously appear?” I was aware that he knew my whereabouts, but I had no idea I was being spied on twenty-four- seven.
“That’s part of it,” he said with the evasive tone I was bitterly becoming accustomed to.
“And the other part is?”
“I’m getting to that.”
“There’s more?” I howled.
“I’d say so!”
“I’m sorry about Mr. Dawson. Claire was on watch both of those nights, and she made the decision to let it get farther than I would have for intel purposes. She wanted to know what Mr. Dawson knew.”
“Claire watches me, too?” I shrieked.
“Yes. I’m sorry you were scared. I relieved Claire the second I heard the news, which is when I came to take you home.”
Initial y I was furious, but the anger disappeared when I remembered feeling desperate for Jared to intervene. How could I be angry with him for wanting the same thing that I did?
“I thought you would come,” I whispered.
“You what?” he said, surprised.
“When Mr. Dawson threatened me, I expected you to show up at any moment. It made the whole thing…tolerable.”
“Tolerable?”
And then he was angry. He didn’t speak for several minutes. His jaw flitted under his skin, and he occasional y shook his head. I waited for as long as I could, but I final y prompted him.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, searching his stormy eyes.
“The first time that you expected me to protect you…I wasn’t there.” He spoke the last three words as if they were poison in his mouth.
“You can’t be there every second, Jared. You’re only human.” I returned my hands to his. He brought my hand to his lips.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his face twisting in torment.
“It’s okay,” I said, surprised. I didn’t expect his reaction.
His earlier description of the suffering he had experienced while witnessing my pain materialized. His time with me must have seemed like purgatory. I felt an overpowering urge to comfort him, and I was just inches away.
“It won’t happen again,” he promised. His eyes were fixed on mine.
“I’m holding you to that.” A match had been lit inside me; I was burning from the sudden need to touch him, to al eviate the self-loathing in his eyes.
I leaned forward and rested my fingers against each side of his neck. My thumbs grazed his jaw line, the fear of rejection a faint memory. Pul ing him closer, I pressed my lips against his. He cautiously returned my kiss, but when he began to pul away I refused to let go.
After a brief, surprised pause, Jared gave into my insistence, wrapping his arms around me and pressing me against him. A quiet hum of satisfaction escaped my lips, and his mouth grew more urgent against mine. He sat up on his knees to tighten his grip, and his hand clutched the back of my neck. My breath became ragged as his lips parted and his outstandingly warm tongue found its way to mine. My knees parted and I pul ed him against me, eliminating the tiny space between us.
He groaned in frustration and then his grip tightened, holding me a few inches away by my shoulders.
“What?” I puffed.
He took a few deep breaths before answering, staring at my lips. “We stil have a lot to discuss,” he breathed, letting go of my shoulders to press my knees together.
“I’m done talking,” I whispered, leaning in again.
Jared gently restrained me, amused at my fortitude. “I can’t,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I brought you here to tel you the whole truth, not just half of it.”