Perfectly Imperfect

“Willow,” he says tenderly. “Talk to me.”

Pulling my body away slightly, I lean back against the couch again and close my eyes. “You have no idea what you’re asking of me.”

“Then tell me.”

I take a lungful of air until I feel the burn in my chest, letting it out slowly. “After my mother’s death, I floundered through depression until I became someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. I lived through a verbally abusive marriage for four long years because I thought that was all I was worth. I was weak, Kane. Heck, I wasn’t just weak—I was living and breathing, but felt no life. I put up with so much—from Brad, my ex, my own family—and I let it define who I was. Since the end of my marriage, I’ve worked so hard to become stronger, to believe my own worth, but it’s moments like this when I have a hard time believing that I shouldn’t run. I don’t even know if I can be who you want me to be. I feel it, everything that you said, but I’m so scared, Kane. Scared of what you make me feel, but I’m scared to trust that hope you seem to believe in so strongly.”

He leans forward and places his glass on the table. I follow his movements so I was a second behind him when he shifted again and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace. My back settles against his hard chest and my head rests against his shoulder. I’m stiff for just a second before I allow myself to relax. He notices instantly when I open myself up to his touch. His head drops, and his forehead lands softly on my shoulder. His arms, wrapped tightly around me, leave his hands gripping my biceps lightly before I feel his thumbs rubbing soothing circles.

“I want you.” He breathes against my skin, turning his head so his lips move against the skin on my neck. “God, Willow, do I want you. You’re stronger than you realize, but until you see what I see, just lean on me and let me be strong enough for both of us.”

I don’t allow myself to overthink. It’s time to believe in hope. It’s time for me to believe I’m worth something. It’s time to give myself to someone blindly and trust.

“Okay.” I sigh, and the second that one word leaves my lips, I feel his relief seep into my skin. I actually believe at that moment this remarkable man means every word he’s promising.

AFTER THE HEAVINESS OF OUR chat, we stuck to safer topics. Kane told me about his childhood and his parents, whom he clearly respected deeply. Their relationship had always been something he wanted for himself, but because of his career, he had never been able to find someone who sincerely wanted him for him. He had all but given up on that dream. I could tell he wanted to say more, but he changed the subject to his brothers.

The way he spoke of Kole, it was obvious they’re close. Even with them both busy with demanding careers, they have a bond that is clear with the fondness in which he speaks of him.

It wasn’t until his comments about Kyle, the oldest Masters brother, that a different picture was painted. The fondness was gone, and in its place was a bitterness he visibly struggled with in order to say something positive about him. I don’t press him about it. When he’s ready, it’s something he can tell me.

I tell him about my mom, the accident, and what it was like to lose her. He nods and offers his support while I talk about one of the hardest times in my life. Listening to him talk and open up about his life gave me the confidence I needed to strip away the lingering fear and let him in. I opened up about my marriage more, and by the end, he knew everything there was to know about my past.

“What about Mia?” I ask as we’re collecting the trash and cleaning up his trailer before he takes me back to the house.

He hesitates slightly but then quickly masks his features.

“Kane?”

Hesitation is a dangerous thing. It hints that something is hiding when you take that pause.

Trust him, Willow.

“Mia’s been my best friend since we were maybe fifteen. She’s the sister I never had and I would do just about anything for her.”

Well. Okay.

“Yeah?”

He stops his task. The cooler drops from his grasp and hits the table harshly. The calm I’m so used to seeing in Kane is nowhere to be found. My mind starts to doubt everything I’ve felt, but as quickly as the thought pops into my head, I beat it down. No. I’m not going to allow my mind to overcome what has been such a powerful night between us. I’m not going to let myself ruin this before it even starts.

“This is when I’m going to ask you to trust me with that blind faith, Willow. Trust me when I tell you that Mia is just a friend and leave it at that.”

His eyes scorch their pleading gaze into mine. Searching and begging me with the force of his stare. Beseeching without words to believe in him and the fragile relationship we’ve started to build.

“Okay, Kane.”

His shoulders drop, and I realize just how tightly he had been holding his body while he waited for my assurance. While he waited for me to give him my trust completely knowing how much that gesture of blind faith means to me. If I hadn’t witnessed him sag with relief, I might have doubts. The fact I would allow him to keep something obviously troublesome enough that he is visibly struggling with the enormity of it is an immense relief to him. But this man is holding something back, and I have a feeling he wishes he could tell me.

“I promise, Willow, I promise I will tell you everything, but right now … right now, I can’t. Too many people’s lives are going to be affected, and I gave my word. My word, you’ll find, means everything to me. I’m giving it to you and with that promise, know that I care too much about you already that keeping anything from you isn’t something I’m doing lightly.”

I walk over to him. I wrap my arms around his torso and press my cheek into his chest. His heart beats frantically under my ear as his strong arms come around me. It isn’t lost on me that when I would normally tuck my tail and run as fast as I could away from him and the uncertainty of his words, that instead … instead, I run to him. For the first time since this dreamlike reality started to be my life … I’m the one who initiated things and it was me giving him the strength this time.

I DON’T WANT TO LET her go.

The intensity of my feelings has grown to insurmountable levels.

And after tonight’s talk … shit.

I look over at her, sitting quietly in the passenger seat; I smile to myself before looking down at our joined hands. For the second time tonight, she was the one who reached out and connected our bodies. She didn’t even flinch, as if just being apart from each other for one second is unbearable.