Perfecting Patience

“I’m sorry, Zeke. I think after a lifetime of protecting Sydney, it’s engraved in my DNA. I can’t breathe when I think about leaving her.”

The tear finally escaped her lashes and rushed down her cheek. Pulling her to me, I used my thumb to wipe it away.

“But she’s safe now, baby. You said yourself that Sarah was taking great care of her. I promise we can come back and visit anytime you want. All you have to do is say the words and we’ll hop a flight to Florida.” The pressure in my chest expanded when more tears rushed her cheeks. “I need you, snowflake, and I think you need me, too. Please… come with me.”

She put her head down and I watched as her tears dropped onto my chest and worked themselves down my abs. I delved my hands into her hair and brought her face back up to mine. “Please.” The word was rough and it burned my throat.

I’d never begged for anything in my life, but I had to beg. I needed her to understand I was nothing without her.

Her eyes dug into mine and I saw the moment her decision was made.

“I love you, Zeke, more than you could ever know, but she’s my little sister. I’m sorry, I can’t.”

And just like that, her tears flowed freely and my heart stopped, knowing the decision I had to make.

Three

Patience

I shut the door behind Finn and my heart felt as if it were bruised. I felt hollow, as if I wasn’t full of breath, blood, and bones. I was spread out and sucked dry.

I was going with him, whether he wanted me to or not. I couldn’t go back to the dark place I’d been in without him. We had an hour to get to Aunt Sarah’s house, pack my stuff, and say good-bye to her and Sydney.

Sydney. My thought process screeched to an abrupt stop. How could I have forgotten about my baby sister? I’d only spent every waking moment of my life since he started coming to my room protecting her. Would I be able to just walk away and move across the country without her?

Everything froze because I knew as soon as that question ran through my mind that I couldn’t. As badly as I hated the dark place I went to when I wasn’t with Zeke, I hated the idea of being without her even more.

The look on his face when I told him I couldn’t go broke my heart into a million pieces. I never wanted to hurt him. Since the moment he met me, all he did was protect me and care about me, and all I did was hurt him.

“Then I’ll stay here,” he whispered sadly.

His words swarmed around me like yellow jackets stinging me on every piece of my exposed skin. Looking in his eyes, I could see the finality to his words. He was going to give up everything he loved, his band, to be with me, and there was no way I could allow it.

My heart swelled with love for him, knowing the extent he’d go to be with me, but then the guilt set in. He’d give up his career for me, but I was too selfish and mentally fucked up to leave behind my perfectly healthy little sister. It was wrong and every cell in my body screamed for me to go with him, but my dysfunctional brain wouldn’t allow it.

Pressure built behind my ribs and worked its way up into the pit of my chest. Tingling numbness followed behind it. I’d never felt anything like it and it alarmed me. I’d said before that I felt like I was dying without him. Was this a sign that I really would when he got on that plane and left?

The pressure and numbness in my chest expanded and I suddenly couldn’t get enough oxygen into my lungs. The room spun around and my head felt too light. I bent over and rested my palms on my knees. The blood had left my brain and I needed to help it get back. If I didn’t, I was going to pass out.

That’s when the chest pains started. Pains radiated from my chest, down my arms, and up into my neck. It was the classic symptoms of a massive heart attack. No way was I having a heart attack at nineteen, but my chest was so tight and the sharp pains zapping through my shoulder were telling me differently. In an attempt to breathe, I sucked in as much air as I could as fast as I could, but nothing reached my lungs.

The blood in my veins felt like it was moving too fast. It streaked through my body like lightning and I felt stiff with its steady movements. Numbness filled my fingers and toes and a heated flush rushed down my face.

“Snowflake, are you okay?” I heard Zeke ask from a million miles away.

I looked up to see him bending over with me. His face was in front of mine and the worry in his eyes startled me even more. That’s when my entire body started to shudder.

I shook as my body wracked with vibrations. The tiny quake that took over made my teeth chatter. I was having a heart attack and a seizure at the same time. I didn’t know that was possible.