Nothing Left to Lose

“Good, sounds good,” Senator Spencer nodded.

I turned to Dean and smiled. Now that we were here, his vacation could finally start. “I guess I’ll see you at the airport Monday.”

“Yeah, have a good birthday tomorrow,” he replied, grinning and grabbing one of the two cases he’d brought with him.

I reached for the other one to give him a hand, but Anna was quicker. She gripped the handle and pulled it to her side. “This one’s mine.”

I frowned. “No it’s not, we shared,” I countered, shaking my head.

She smiled wickedly and shrugged. “This one has all my girlie stuff in it,” she replied, waving her hand dismissively. She turned to Dean, obviously wanting to change the subject. “Have a nice time,” she called as he was putting his case in the trunk of the car he was using.

“You too, Annabelle. Don’t give him too much grief, okay? I don’t want him whining to me about it on Monday,” he joked, waving as he slid into the car.

I looked down at the case, confused. She had plenty of clothes in with my stuff. What could she possibly need another case for? Her hand closed over mine, squeezing gently as she gave me a little tug towards the house. As I opened my mouth to ask what was in there, she shook her head and grinned. “Don’t ask. It’s none of your business.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled, letting her lead me along.

As we walked to the house, I noticed that her mother was looking at me as if I was some sort of God and at Anna like she was a total stranger. My back stiffened, praying they wouldn’t keep looking at us like that for the next couple of hours because it would surely make Anna uncomfortable.

Anna cleared her throat. “Um… I was wondering if anyone would mind if I went to see Jack?” she said quietly. “I could be back within half an hour. I just want to take some flowers; I haven’t been there for two months.” She chewed on her lip, her eyes tight with worry.

I knew that she felt guilty about not being able to go there to see him, but she thought of him a lot. He must have been a great guy to have her love him so much. I was a little sad that I didn’t get to meet him actually; my guess is that we would have gotten along.

Melissa recoiled as if expecting some sort of meltdown from her daughter at any moment. Admittedly, the last time that they had seen her, something like this may have caused one, but Anna was much stronger now.

Senator Spencer frowned, looking a little concerned. “Yeah, that’s a really great idea,” he agreed. “But you need to take guards with you though, Annabelle. You can’t just go on your own.”

She smiled and her shoulders seemed to relax, as if she’d been expecting a protest and for them to insist that she spent the whole two hours here with them. “Ashton will come with me.” She turned to me, and suddenly looked a little worried as if she doubted that I would. “Won’t you?” she asked, looking at me hopefully.

“Of course,” I agreed. She smiled gratefully and squeezed my hand.

Melissa cleared her throat nervously. “Maybe when you get back, we could have a coffee or something? You could tell me about your new school and your apartment,” she suggested hopefully.

Anna nodded easily. “Sure, I’d like that.” Both of her parents seemed shocked at her answer; I watched as slow smiles spread across their faces.

After finding another guard to come with us to replace Dean, we made our way to the cemetery, stopping to buy some flowers on the way. As we walked through the cemetery, she stooped to pick up any dandelions from the grass. There were a couple on my side of the path, so I bent and picked them for her. When I handed them to her, her eyes widened in surprise.

“Thank you,” she murmured gratefully.

“Sure,” I shrugged casually. Clearly she appreciated the small gesture. When we got level with Jack’s gravestone, I stopped on the edge of the path so that she could approach it on her own. I wasn’t allowed to give her any more privacy than this because no matter how close we got, I was first and foremost, her near guard. I felt awful that she would have to talk to him in front of me. For all I knew, maybe she wanted to talk to him about me. I stood silently and watched as she brushed all of the dead leaves and flowers from his grave before replacing them with hers and sprinkling the little yellow dandelions on top of his headstone.

As she sat down, she brushed her fingers across the lettering of his name. “Hey. I’m really sorry I couldn’t come sooner, I wanted to, but it’s just too far away from my new school.” She ran her hands over the grass absentmindedly. “I’m doing really good. I haven’t said that in a long time, but I really am.” My heart throbbed in my chest as I listened to her admit that. “I love my school. The teachers are great, and I’ve even made some friends,” she smiled weakly.

“I brought someone with me today. He’s my new near guard, the one I told you about the last time I came. He seems to be lasting well so far,” she joked, laughing quietly. “He’s really great, and I know you would’ve liked him if you’d gotten the chance to meet him. We’re going to Los Angeles for the weekend. I always wanted to go there, remember?”

When she sighed deeply, my heart started to race. This was it. This was the part where she would get upset and sob, and I would have to watch it while my heart broke in two.

“Jack, I know a lot of stuff has happened that you’ve probably seen from where you are, and I’m sorry, but I need him. He makes me feel better, so that’s not bad, right? You forgive me for trying to be happy, don’t you?” she asked quietly, picking a blade of grass and rolling it around between her fingers.