Nothing Left to Lose

I winced, shifting on my feet uncomfortably. Had she forgotten I was here? Surely I wasn’t supposed to be hearing this one-sided conversation.

“People always say that you wouldn’t want me to be sad, but it’s really hard to believe that after what happened to you and then… after. I don’t know what to think anymore. Everything is so confusing now. I hope you forgive me for letting someone else make me happy.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn’t watch from a distance any longer; I walked up behind her and sat down, spreading my legs either side of her and scooting close to her back. As I was doing it, I was mentally shouting at myself for intruding on her private moment. No doubt she was going to freak out because I was doing this, being close to her in front of Jack’s grave.

But, much to my surprise, she didn’t freak out.

Instead, she pressed back into me and put her hands on my knees. I literally stopped breathing because she was showing me some affection in front of Jack’s grave. Was that supposed to mean something? I didn’t even know anymore.

“Hey, I’m nearly done.” She turned her head and smiled at me over her shoulder, her face inches from mine. I nodded, unable to speak. Even if I could force a word out, I wouldn’t know what to say. She turned back to the gravestone. “This is Ashton Taylor; he’s been looking after me for the last couple of months. He’s a great guy.” She squeezed my leg affectionately, but I still couldn’t speak. “So, my dad might get elected in a month and then I could officially be the President’s daughter. I guess I’d better shape up my act, huh?” she joked, chuckling to herself, changing the subject. “And Carter’s trial starts again in three months’ time, but you don’t need to worry about that, he won’t get out. There’s still a lot of evidence and stuff, so he’ll pay for what he did to you, don’t worry, okay?”

I scowled at the sound of his name. I silently wondered if she realised that she didn’t mention what Carter had done to her at all. It was a little scary how she just blocked everything out like that; it couldn’t be healthy for her.

She sighed deeply. “I’m sorry that I can’t stay longer, but my parents are insisting I spend some time with them before we leave.” She leant forward and trailed her fingertips across his name once more. “I’ll come back next time I’m here, okay? I miss you. Bye.” She pushed herself up and turned back to me, holding out a hand to help me up.

She didn’t look too bad as we made our way silently to the car. She didn’t look like the other two times we had walked away from here, like she was dying inside.

No one spoke as we climbed in the car, and I signalled to the other guard that we were ready to leave. After a couple of minutes of driving silently, she turned to me. “So, are you going to take me to this Denny’s place that you keep going on about?”

I looked at her smiling face, shocked. My insides started to hurt. We’d just visited Jack’s grave, she’d let me sit with her, and she didn’t look like her heart was breaking. Was she finally letting go of him? Was she finally ready to move on?

I gulped. “Yeah, I’ll take you to Denny’s at some point before we leave LA,” I promised. Anna would love it there; they served the best chilli cheese dogs in the world. After Nate, it was the thing I missed the most about not living in LA.

When we got back to the lake house, her parents had arranged lunch on the terrace for the three of them. As I was about to leave, Anna clung to my hand and silently begged me with her eyes, thwarting my escape. I smiled weakly as I sat down at the table with them, watching silently as her mother ordered another place setting because the table had only been laid for the three of them. I shuffled uncomfortably in my chair, knowing that they would probably prefer to have time alone with her, but the way Anna was clinging to my hand told me that she didn’t want me to leave.

For the first ten minutes, talk was a little strained as they caught up on how her course was going and what the apartment was like. After that though, she seemed to relax and her forced smile turned into a genuine one as her dad reeled off stuff about his campaign and her mother talked nonsense about the prize begonias she was growing.

By the end of the second hour that we were scheduled to stay at the lake house for, I was slightly less intimidated by her father, and actually having a nice time. It was heart-warming to see their reactions to her smile and her laugh. It was like they were seeing her for the first time in years – well, technically, they probably were. The happiness that I could see in her mother’s eyes made my skin prickle.

When the time was finally up, Maddy called Senator Spencer to tell him that the helicopter was ready for boarding. As we walked towards the noisy chopper, her father placed his hand on my arm, pulling me to a stop and letting the girls go ahead.

“Agent Taylor, I’ve not seen my daughter this happy in years. I don’t know how you’re doing it, but thank you,” he said, smiling gratefully.

I grinned and shook my head. “You don’t have to thank me, sir.” I didn’t do it for my job. Whenever she was happy, my heart would melt into a puddle on the floor, it was like this was the reason for my existence – to make her happy.

“Well, I want to. Anyway, have a nice weekend, and happy birthday for tomorrow.”

I smiled uncomfortably. Does everyone now remember my birthday? I mused. “Thank you, sir. And don’t worry about Anna, I promise to take care of her,” I vowed, wanting to add ‘forever’ on the end. I ran to catch up with her, and we climbed in the helicopter, setting off for the airport, both of us grinning excitedly.