Melancholy

“But . . . he wouldn’t,” I whisper, staring at the papers so no one can see the pain in my eyes.

“He did,” Maddox says simply.

“Then why haven’t you gotten the information from him?”

“Didn’t know he was in prison until recently. Been to see him once, he refuses to hand anything over unless . . .”

“Unless what?” I snap.

“Unless he sees you.”

My jaw tightens. “He wants to see me?”

“Yeah,” Mack grunts. “The fucker is greedy.”

“Then why haven’t you taken me?” I cry. “If that’s all that’s been between me and finding Pippa?”

“Wasn’t that easy,” Maddox grinds out.

“No, because you wanted to fuck me first.”

He flinches. “You fuckin’ know that ain’t true, and if you so much as think it again, I’ll pull this fuckin’ case and you can do it on your own. Be angry at me as much as you fuckin’ like, Santana, but don’t you dare, not for one fuckin’ second think I used you.”

I stare at him, and I can see the pain in his eyes as he speaks. I drop my head.

“When can we go see him?” My voice is broken, like a shaky rasp.

“Today. Now.”

I stand. “Then let’s do this.”

~*~*~*~

We make it to the prison three hours later. Maddox had to work out some details first. I rode with Mack, not wanting to be on the back of Maddox’s bike. Being that close to him is too much right now.

Only Maddox, Krypt and Mack came for the journey. The less bikers, the less suspicion raised as to why we’re already visiting Kennedy, considering they were only just here.

The security is quite intense, and by the time we’re let into the visitors’ area, I’m overwhelmed. Maddox stands in front of me, refusing to give me access until he needs to. Mack pats my back once before sitting down with Krypt. A loud buzzer goes off, and then I hear Maddox mutter, “There he is, the fucker.”

I peer around him, my heart going a million miles an hour. I haven’t had the chance to process the fact that I’m about to see a man I once loved again, and the butterflies and anxiety filling my stomach are enough to make me want to run out and throw up. My hands shake as I catch sight of the man who, more or less, changed my life.

Very little has changed about Kennedy. He’s still got salt and pepper hair, and a sophisticated look that even his prison outfit doesn’t take away. His eyes fall on me, and I can see him suck in a breath, his hand going up to his heart. Tears well in my eyes, and I’m not sure if they’re happy tears or angry tears. Maddox walks over, and I follow closely behind, not touching him, but near enough that I can smell him.

“Sit,” he orders, and I do as I’m told, sitting beside him.

I haven’t taken my eyes off Kennedy this whole time, and my fingers flinch as I reach out for the phone. Maddox does the same beside me and Kennedy on the other side. I press the cool device to my ear and listen as Kennedy’s voice fills the line. “Tanie, oh, sweet Tanie. How I’ve missed you.”

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. A small part of me still feels like a fragile child around Kennedy, but the other part is so angry at him for what he did to Pippa.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he soothes. “It’s okay. I’m here now.”

His words have my eyes fluttering closed as old memories fill my head. The comfort he gave me, the feeling of his soft hands stroking me to sleep. Then there are the dark memories, where he plunged that needle into my arm, watching the drugs consume me. I shudder and tears trickle down my cheeks.

“Say something, sweetheart, let me hear your voice. It’s all I’ve wanted to hear for so long.”

“You sold my sister,” I croak.

I finally open my eyes, and Kennedy’s expression is pained.

“I thought you were dead, Tanie. I thought—”

“You promised me that you would take care of her. No matter what.”

My voice is a rasp of pain, causing even Maddox to flinch beside me.

“I know, but . . . they were going to kill me, Tanie. I had no choice.”

“There’s always a choice,” I cry, meeting his gaze.

“You don’t know how hard it’s been for me. For so long I thought you were gone . . . until . . .” He looks to Maddox. “Tell me you’re okay; tell me everything has been good for you, Tanie.”

In other words, tell me the man beside you hasn’t caused you pain.

“Everything is fine, but it’ll be better when I can find Pippi. Please, Kennedy, if you care about me at all . . . tell me where she is.”

He closes his eyes, exhaling loudly, before staring at me again.

“Just let me see you for a minute longer, just a minute. As soon as I tell you, then you’re going to walk out of here, and I’ll never see you again.”

“Just fuckin’ speak,” Maddox barks.

“It’s okay,” I say softly, giving Maddox a look. “We’re in no hurry.”

I’m not saying this because I want Kennedy to feel good; I’m saying it because I don’t want to make him angry. I want him to tell me anything he can about Pippa, no matter the cost.

“Thank you,” he breathes. “You’ve grown into such a beautiful young woman—I always knew you would. Tell me what you’ve been doing, Tanie. Tell me.”