Melancholy

Then I hear him leave the room, closing the door softly behind him. More tears leak out of my eyes, because I know he’s right. Maddox didn’t do it to hurt me; he did it to protect me. I know that, but right now everything inside my body hurts. It hurts so badly. I don’t want to let go of my anger just yet, but at the same time, it hurts to be so in love with him.

I close my eyes, so exhausted. The blankets around me don’t have the same warmth they usually have. The pillows aren’t comforting, and the soft sounds of Mack talking downstairs bring me no relief. My heart aches in a way it’s never ached before. A huge part of me wants to crawl out of this bed and find Maddox, wrapping myself in his arms. The other part refuses to let him in.

The last thought in my mind is of my sister, and how she must be feeling in this moment. Is she scared? Is she happy? Is she even alive? I wish I had the answers I so desperately need. Instead, I’ll go to sleep tonight not knowing if she’s going to be okay, and hating that there’s a small chance that I’ll never find her.

Nothing feels okay right now.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

2014 – Maddox

“How you doin’, Prez?”

Krypt hands me a beer. I take it, swallowing it down, not tasting it but relishing the warmth it brings to my broken, aching body.

“Fine.”

“It’s goin’ to be okay. It’s all out there now.”

“Bet you’re fuckin’ real happy about that, ain’t ya?” I snap.

He crosses his arms, glaring at me. “I’m not happy to see you hurt, or her, but this shit had to come out, and you know it. Have some fuckin’ faith; that girl loves you. She’ll hurt, but she’ll come around.”

“You didn’t fuckin’ see how she looked at me. There ain’t no way she’s comin’ back.”

“She’s asleep.”

We both turn to see Mack enter the room, beer in hand, tired expression on his face.

“Poor fuckin’ girl,” I say, my voice tired. “If I had to hear her sobs a second longer, I’d fuckin’ die.”

“She’s hurt, but the pain will ease soon, and she’ll want to find her sister. You just gotta be there for her.”

Yeah, and not blackmail her because the very idea of losing her is like someone taking my heart out and crushing it.

“I’m gonna be there, I’m gonna find her sister, and I’m gonna give her the last honest thing I can before she steps away from me.”

Mack sighs. “She cares for you, bro. I don’t think she’s just going to run.”

I stand, not wanting to hear anymore of their “she’ll come back” bullshit. I broke her. I fuckin’ tore her heart out and stomped on it. She ain’t comin’ back; I saw it in her eyes. I drop the beer in the bin as I pass them and walk up the stairs.

“Night, Prez.”

I don’t answer.

I walk down the long hall and stop at Santana’s door. I take the handle, pushing it open softly. I stare at the girl curled in a tight ball on the bed. Her tiny body is tucked up to protect itself from the cold. Her dark hair is fanning out over the pillow, and her eyes are clenched closed, like even sleeping hurts.

I step in, lifting a blanket from the pile of linen sitting beside the bed on a desk. I drape it over her, watching with a broken expression as her fingers go out to grip it, pulling it up under her chin. She doesn’t open her eyes, but a huge part of me wishes she would. There’s so much I want to say, but I’m too fuckin’ broken to let it out.

I leave the room, closing the door softly behind me.

I’ve lost her, I just fuckin’ know it.

I’ve got no one to blame but myself.

~*~*~*~

2014 – Santana

“Here.”

I look up to see Ash and Indi, both smiling. Ash pushes a coffee towards me, and I take it gratefully.

“How are you feeling?”

I shrug. “As good as can be expected, I guess.”

“I’m so sorry,” Indi says. “I can’t imagine how it feels.”

I don’t know how to answer her, because I’m barely able to filter through my own emotions, let alone trying to explain how it feels to someone else. Instead, I offer her a weak smile and sip the coffee. Mack comes into the living area a moment later, shirtless and carrying a heap of papers. Maddox comes in close behind him, also shirtless. His eyes flick to me, but I keep mine facing the coffee cup.

“We’ve got information. You wanna hear it?” Mack asks me.

I nod, and am grateful when Ash puts her hand on my shoulder and whispers, “I’ll come with you. It’s okay.”

I stand and follow them to the table, where we all sit down. I keep my eyes off Maddox as I stare at the mass amounts of information presented to me.

“This is what we’ve got,” Maddox begins, and I can feel his gaze on me. “As far as we know, Pippa was sold as a working slave. We’ve narrowed down a few locations, however we’re relying on the help of Kennedy to give us the exact point.”

“Kennedy?” I gasp, lifting my head.

Maddox nods. “He’s in prison. He knows where Pippa got sent, because he’s the one who sold her.”

What.

Kennedy . . . sold her?

No. He wouldn’t.

“I don’t . . . I don’t understand.”

Maddox sighs. “When you went missing and the drug lords came after him, Kennedy had nothing to offer them. So he sold Pippa to them, knowing they’d get a good buck for her in one of the overseas slave markets.”