Melancholy

When you tell me, oh, oh, it makes it all so real. Show me, baby, don’t tell me, it’s time to let me feel.

Mack’s voice fills my ears as we dance, our bodies pressed against each other, our breaths nothing more than warm puffs against the other’s lips. Maddox closes his eyes, his fingers flexing on my hip as he pulls me closer. I reach down, taking hold of his shirt. He steps back for a second, letting me pull it over his head and toss it to the side.

Make me understand, oh baby baby, show yourself to me. Show me what’s real.

I lose my pants in a matter of seconds, and soon I’m naked in Maddox’s arms as he backs me towards his bike. He lifts me, placing my bottom on the warmed leather seat that only minutes ago he was on. I reach my hand out, pressing it against the candy-apple red tank, feeling the warmth there, too.

Maddox reaches to his jeans, popping the top button as he steps between my legs. He frees his cock, and his gaze drops to my exposed pussy and he growls, low and throaty. Then he takes hold of my leg and wraps it around his hip at the same time as he steps into me, his cock pressing against my heated, waiting flesh.

There are times, oh there are times, when your love feels like a dynamite.

I close my eyes, letting my head fall back as Maddox pushes into me, slowly, filling me with painful bliss. My sex burns as it stretches around him, still living in sheer remembrance of the last time he was there. Slowly, inch by inch, he slides in until our bodies are fully connected. My heart pounds at the intensity of this moment.

Dynamite. Dynamite. Baby, you’re a dynamite.

His hips slide back, painfully pulling, before he thrusts back in. Our foreheads press together, and his hand supports my hip as he begins to move, slow, yet so deep. My whimpers blend with the sound of Mack’s singing, and we make a melody all of our own, even if the singer doesn’t know it. Maddox doesn’t kiss me, but I can see how his jaw flexes with pleasure like this.

“Maddox,” I whimper. “More.”

He hisses, low and husky, and then he begins flexing his hips, driving deeper and deeper until I cry out his name and clutch his shoulders with pleasure. God, he feels so good, so amazing. I’ll never get enough of him, never get enough of drowning in everything that he is. I close my eyes, my mouth open on a moan, and I arch my hips up to meet his thrusts.

His bike holds us as he becomes more frenzied, fucking me without a word, using his body to show me what he’s too afraid to tell me. I can feel it in him right now, I can feel how much I matter, how much he’s let me into his heart. Maddox loves me, I have no doubt of that right now, in this moment.

“Tell me,” I cry out. “Tell me what you’re too scared to say.”

“No,” he grunts, sharing the first word he's said since he’s been home.

I want to protest, but the pleasure is too strong. Maddox fucks me harder, deeper, until I’m forced to reach out and hold onto the bike. I stare down as he steps back, holding my hips up and watching as his cock slides in and out of my heat. My cheeks flush at the sight of his hard, thick, wet length driving in and out of me. God, that’s hot.

My orgasm creeps up upon me, shocking me with its intensity. I don’t move my eyes from his cock as I come, trembles of pleasure shooting through my body. He reaches down, running his finger over the glistening base of his cock, then he lifts it and presses it to my mouth, his eyes intense.

I open my mouth, letting him slide his finger into my waiting lips. The taste of us combined is such a turn on, my nipples form hard peaks and my sex clenches in response. Maddox’s eyes drop closed, and his jaw becomes a tight ball of muscle as he fucks harder and harder, until his lips part in a gasp and I feel him explode inside me.

God, that’s a truly beautiful sight. His straining neck, his tight jaw, his flexing muscles . . . like that . . . he looks like heaven. He pants out my name, slowing his thrusts. When he finally looks down at me, his eyes are blazing with an intensity I’ve never seen coming from him. I reach up, cupping his dirty face, and we just sit like that, staring at one another until he finally pulls back.

“Are you okay?” I ask, watching as he jerks his jeans up and hands me my clothes.

I take them, getting dressed quickly. Maddox isn’t looking at me; he’s just staring at his boots. Something is wrong. The only word he shared with me during our love making was “no”. I bite my lip, contemplating my next move, then I do something stupid . . . I ask him what I’ve been so desperate to know.

“Do you love me, Maddox?”

His entire body jerks and he turns, staring at me in . . . God, if I didn’t know better, I’d say it was horror. His face is scrunched, his lips curling and his eyes narrowed. Then he grates out a hoarse, “You deserve someone better than me to love you.”

“That’s not what I asked,” I say in a small voice.

He sighs. “Not right now, Santana. Please.”

God.

Rejection hurts.

I nod, turning and walking towards the stairs. “No problem.”

“Tan—”

I don’t hear whatever else he says, I’m already halfway up the stairs. He can have it his way, I’m not going to push him right now. Obviously something is going down, because there’s a darkness eating away at him, and he doesn’t need me making that worse.

I just hope it won’t ruin what we’re fighting so hard to keep.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

2010 – Santana

I twirl in my blue dress, smiling at the reflection in the mirror. One of the club’s old ladies got it for me. I’m going on my first date tonight, with a guy I met while working at the local café. He’s sweet, kind and cute. I reach up, tucking a strand of dark hair behind my ear. It’s looking so much healthier now—in fact, I look healthier now.