Loving Lawson

He parked the car in the lot and gingerly stepped out. Matt joined us. We silently made our way up to the apartment. Upon entering, Heath immediately disappeared into the bedroom.

“You don’t have to stick around,” I said to Matt who was standing by the door.

“I just want to be sure he’s okay,” he replied with a short smile. “He’s always made sure I was. Least I can do.”

I nodded in understanding. Then I left him and entered the bedroom. Heath was sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark, his head in his hands. I slowly went to him, uncertain of what I could do to make him feel better. Sensing my presence he extended one arm out and grabbed hold of me. He pulled me to him, resting his head against my bump. He breathed in and out deeply, holding me tightly as though I was a lifeline.

“It’s okay,” I whispered to him, stroking my fingers through his short hair. “It’s okay, Heath.”

He shook his head and inhaled sharply. “It was too much. The fucking stress… I couldn’t focus.”

“I know. You need to rest.”

“I can’t. I gotta figure out –”

“Lay down and rest,” I cut in. “You can’t think like this. You’ve worn yourself down. You have to sleep, Heath.”

I began pushing him back, and he fought against me. I pushed harder, and finally he relented. I climbed in bed after him and took his shoes off. I kissed him, muttering that he needed to rest, over and over again until his body relaxed in the mattress. He tugged me into his side and held me tightly.

“What would I do without you?” he muttered as he dozed off.

Live your life, I would have said long ago. But now that I was this close to him, I would have actually asked him the same thing. We’d known each other for so long, yet we’d never explored our relationship. Not until the bad happened. And who would have thought that in bad times something so good could come of it?

Eventually, I pulled away and left him to sleep. Matt was still waiting by the door when I reappeared. He looked a little tired, but when he saw me he straightened himself up.

“How is he?” he asked.

“Resting,” I answered. “It’s been over a week since I’ve seen him sleep.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah.”

He ran a hand through his blonde locks and checked the time on his watch. “Alright. Well, I should probably go. Unless you need anything else.”

I began to shake my head when a thought suddenly entered my mind. I paused as I thought it through. The clock was ticking, and while we may not have the full fifteen grand by Sunday, getting as much as possible would help our cause, right?

“Actually,” I said, “if it wouldn’t hassle you to take me someplace, I’d really appreciate it.”

“Now? It’s almost midnight.”

“I know.”

While surprised, he carefully nodded and said, “Okay, Allie. Whatever you want.”

*

Matt parked his car in front of the rundown weatherboard house. It looked just as sad as most on this neglected block. Per usual, Mom’s maroon hatchback was parked sideways, half its body on the tall grass and the other half on the cement driveway. The bins were neatly set up to the side of the house and empty. Above them, hanging off the corner of the house, was a wind chime, and it was going off strong tonight.

“You sure you want to see her?” asked Matt.

“Yeah,” I answered. “She’s been avoiding me too long.”

“Looks pretty dead inside.”

The lights were out. She’d gone to bed. But whatever, it was the weekend. She could afford getting up at midnight to greet her pregnant daughter of whom she’d tossed out without a care.

“Give me a minute,” I told Matt. He nodded and I stepped out. I walked up the path to the front door. I was so far passed the point of caring, I wasn’t at all nervous like I would have thought I’d be. I think it was because I had really nothing to lose, so there was no harm trying.

I opened the screen door and knocked several times as loudly as possible. The house had no doorbell… Not one working anyway. I knew my mother. She was a light sleeper. The nights I’d slipped out of bed and tried to sneak out to see Ryker had never resulted in success, though she did stop trying when I rebelled against her time and time again.

The outside porch light went on, and I stepped back so she could see me clearly through the peephole. I could hear movements on the other side of the door. The shuffle – a distinct sound I knew too well – was her front pressed against the door. Then…

Silence.

I sighed and knocked again. “Open the door, Mom.”

She didn’t open the door.

I knocked a little louder. “Open the door, Mom! I can hear you. I’m not going anywhere, you know.”

More shuffling.

“I need you.”

Pause.

The sounds of her unlocking the deadbolt and two other locks were a relief to my ears. The knob turned and the door opened. She stood shorter than me and was wearing her usual pink, floral robe and sad looking slippers. Her dark hair was a mess, and her eyes were squinted in my direction, revealing those crow’s feet wrinkles a little too strongly than I remembered. Her lips pursed and she glared – and boy, when Mom glared, that woman could have you running the other way in no time.

“Hey,” I said weakly, with a pathetic wave of my hand.

“What’re you doing here, Allison?” she retorted in her raspy voice. “I made it clear I did not want to see you –”

“Unless I wanted to be saved. Yes, I know, okay? I know already. You screamed it ten thousand times as you threw my stuff out the door. I haven’t forgotten.” I didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but it couldn’t be helped. I wasn’t over what she’d done. Wasn’t sure I ever could be either.

“I threw you out because of your constant defiance,” she barked back as she took a step closer to me. “You had no respect for yourself. First a boy that did nothing but ruin your life and impregnate you. Now where is he? The boy who promised you the world is rotting in jail, isn’t he? And then what do you do? Run your mouth about aborting a child of God – as if I could accept that! What would everyone at Church think of you?”

“If they cared for their God like you say they do, they’d forgive me,” I angrily returned. Already I was angry! Typical of her to make me feel that way in under a minute. “They wouldn’t judge, which is what you’re excellent at doing.”